THE ADVENTURES OF PAMALICIOUS

Mindspace 5/11/07

2007-05-11T11:08:00.000-04:00

FRIDAY FANDANGO!! - ANNOUNCMENT STYLE

IT IS WITH GREAT EXCITEMENT THAT I LET MY BLOG FAM KNOW

YEP!

WWW.PAMALICIOUS.COM

IS

HERE!

CLICK HERE -----> WWW.PAMALICIOUS.COM <----- CLICK HERE

(any problems, check your Browser, make sure it's current)

Come on over and let's continue The Adventure!

BOOK MARK IT!

Mindspace 5/10/07

2007-05-10T14:23:00.000-04:00

Don't Push Me Cause I'm Close to the Edge

TODAY

TONITE

Folks, it does happen sometimes, I just haven't had the bandwidth. So play some catch up on some old posts and I'll be back tomorrow. Ouch Ouch Ok, Ok, why you gotta use the whip with the spikes in it DAYUMMMM!

Mindspace 5/9/07

2007-05-09T10:51:00.000-04:00

Parental Controls

"The most hypocritical stance you take...is that of being a parent". This crossed my mind as I rode, all the windows down, leaning way to far to the right so only my eyebrow peeked above the steering wheel, shades on, head bobbing and LiL Wayne screaming he's stuntin like his daddy. I knew that one block from the school, I would sit up, change to something 'acceptable' and arrive as her momma. I'm don't necessary know if hypocrite is the right word, but when you think about all the things you do and have done in your life and what you are trying to steer your child to do, it's quite comical. I drink, cuss, will smoke, have fornicated and some other thangs - yet as a parent, I must instill the right base in her. It just made me chuckle.

We had to go over to the school due to Goddess having some issues. As I mentioned, I created her a flyer basically explaining what was about to go down. It said: Since U can't stay awake! This has to OFF at 9:45pm This has to be OFF at 9:30 pm You have to be IN BED LIGHT OUT by 10pm Since we can't trust you to be responsible -we have to set boundaries! Laziness is not an option! Dummying down to fit in only leaves you left out!

The meeting was short - we were on the same page. I have noticed and I guess it's just a fact of life, especially in our community that all of her teachers are very enamoured with...the way she looks. Every sentence begins with "as beautiful as she is" It irriates me a bit, because I don't want her to be identified by her looks, ultimately that's a lonely existence, since really only about 10% of the population if not less is defined as having universal beauty. The rest of us self identify, lol However, the reality of the situation is that light skin with those dark and smoky features and lushious eyelashes and long cascading hair are going to open doors for her, get her places and keep her in the spotlight. I just want to make sure that if she gets in on that fluke, that she can stay because of something else. SIGH.

Screech, Scritch, Scratch - now I'm sitting at the spring concert. Awww - no matter how long it still sounds like cats fighting, lol I am trying to see if I could morph into Bewitched at which time, I would blink myself a paint stirrer and turn around and get to wholloping on the little savages sitting behind me. Lawd have mercy!

Out the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of the standing bass player. He was quite handsome and for some reason I felt like he was a nice young man. Someone was taking care of him as well. You could tell by his shoes and the quality of his shirt. He was jamming and I nudged Caun and told him he seemed like a nice young man and that Goddess could look at him, lol As the event went on, I began really paying attention and when he walked and strapped on the guitar, I was smitten.

See, my philosophy is that unlike the saying, 'you can't choose who you fall in love with' yes you can. It is our job to introduce through two methods the type of mates our children should be seeking out. (1) by who you yourself date and (2)by pointing them out. I remember someone saying, we as a people need to start breeding better! MAN that's my new motto! Yea they can have preferences etc., but you better start pointing out and parading before them, the look, actions and feel you would like to see them with. Man he was a young David Ruffin I tell yah! LOL LOL LOL So afterwards, I pointed him out to Goddess, who informed me that he had already written her a love song or two and that he was currently upset because he said she broke his heart, lol. His mom is a teacher at the school and she introduced herself to Goddess, because he's always talking about her. I joked to Caun that I already could see little chocolate grandbabies in my far future, LOL. Goddess turned beet red and I told her that yea he would make a nice 8th grade dance escort. (notice I didn't say date). She was beet red the whole time, lol

I will be honest, I haven't really mapped out exactly how I am going to address the entire dating/going out issue and am flying by the seat of my pants. I do know I won't be using the previous method used on me that included dungeons, wax and eyelash curlers, lol I also know that Caun is that Daddy in Bad boys 2; so it's gonna be a lonnng haul to say the least. I want to do it with reality, caring and openness. That's all I can say right this second. The 8th grade dance is coming up - she might wanna go. I'm not going to not let her go because a....BOY might ask her. Finding out that lots of boys liked me, but that they never express it because my mom had me on such lock down was devasating to me. Teenagedom is bad enough as it is. I don't want folks to be scared just on GP of me, lol lol Give me something to go off about first.

As I watched Goddess down there, it dawned on me that she's too good. Yea I said it, she is stifling herself. The other kids were dancing etc. to the band melody's and she looked like she wanted to burst out, but didn't...because I was there. I have done my job, now it's time to refine it. Sweetie have fun! Loosen the freak up! I know you like to dance, you got a slammin sense of humor and a couple of these little boys have peaked your interest. It's alright, even when I'm around. You know what NOT to do, here's a list of what you CAN do. Lawd have mercy!

Not to mention I came in the damn school a parent and walked out the 2007-08 School Year PTA Secretary! SOMEBODY HELP A SISTA!

So this has been another episode of the randomness that is Pam - I have no idea where I meant for this to go - so I will just call it a true Mindspace, lol

P.S. One More Thing - MEMORIAL DAY SOMETHING BIG IS POPPIN OFF! STAY TUNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mindspace 5/8/07

2007-05-08T09:16:00.000-04:00

Thankful

In the car this morning, I thought of my sista in blogdom Honey-Libra and the fact she’s been running a thankful page for awhile now. Others have begun to incorporate it into their blogs. I have been slow to embrace it because every time I roll the thought through my mind, it comes out crazy. However, I finally just said you know what? My stuff has always been to the left and this will be no exception. I don’t have to fit into some ‘formula’ for what I’m thankful for; so here yah go.

I am thankful…….

that my natural hair texture is only about 8-10% off from my Yaki 1B.
that though the body is stretched, I have no cellulite and very light stretch marks.
that in this country you can act a plum fool, lay low and come back – Mike is on the way!
that I have never been duped by no dude for my paper.
that I was bomb enough to have to be replaced by four women in my ex’s life
that the following actions are not part of my life journey: incest, molestation, rape, domestic violence
that while listening to Lisa Raye talk about the greatness of her man, I said “You don got yourself a CAUN”
that for some reason folks have decided I’m a good source of a lot of things.
that my child isn’t on a path to being on Maury trying to get pregnant on purpose
that there is no debtors prison
that my parents were militant
for my ability to multi-task
that I repositioned myself to succeed at my job, without losing myself
for all the restaurants in Atlanta
that I am wanted by most, desired by some
for the advancement of technology in optical care (i.e. thin glasses and contacts)
that I have haters
that I have ‘issues’ but no ‘problems’
I am thankful that stressors in my life come from outside my immediate.
for sunshine beaming through my window on Sunday
for the cuddling and love talk my man gives me every single day
for love
for peace
for progression
for stability
the discovery and development of Liquor
for my DVR
for my great legs
for boots
FASHIONABLE Plus Size Clothes
My Momma told me ‘learn how to type and you’ll always be able to find work’
that music is still alive and kicking
that I can’t see any reason for Caun and I to ever break up
that 40 some odd people took the time to come to Vegas for my wedding
that I have no remaining debt for said wedding
that I was promised money, a good home and friendships in all walks of life when I was little…and I have it.

Mindspace 5/7/07

2007-05-07T10:53:00.000-04:00

Monday Musings

SIGHHHHHHHH Just another manic monday. You know, I'm not an alcoholic, but sometimes I play one. Over the course of the weekend, I indulged in: 2 tequila sunrises, 3 shots Petron, 3 Marguritas, 2 Mojitos, 1 lemon drop, and 3 Coronas. Oh Yea! The weekend was tipsy!

It started as I think I said Friday, with me going home to up my sexy quotient. During the day it was requested that CAUN join the classmates. See I have a husband that everyone and their momma likes. So now apparently he has deemed himself some kinda auxillary member of our class. Had the nerve to be singing in the tune of our song "I'm so glad - I screwed a girl from Washington High" I'mma need him to DO SO MUCH BETTER! So after fine tuning his own sexiness - we hung out. Had a ball. I think somewhere between the shots of petron, I agreed to head up the 25th reunion activities co-anchored by my girl 'crane', I have to check on that.

Saturday found me in a theatre attempting to keep my left eye from jumping out the side of my head in search of some asprin as Spiderman got his ass whupped in stereo sound. Whew. What an assault for the hungover. I liked it. I don't know about all these feelings superheroes be having these days. It's not their job to feel, it's their job to kick ass and take names later. I'm not sure of the actual plot - but it was the best stringing together of fantastic CGI I've seen this year, lol lol. Shrek and Pirates of the Caribbean are in the next couple of weeks. Can you say overload!

That evening saw me at the fight party out Tynomites. Always have fun out there. The chili cheese dog nachoes were banging and as usual she had stellar alcoholic treats. Ok, so I've never been a beer drinker. Have had Coronas only like once I can remember. Well let me say that I have fallen in love with that mess. I was feeling em as evident by the fact I switched to them from drinking cocktails. It was something sexy bout the whole thing. My own personal sexy/grown thing - drinking from that bottle. I enjoyed them so much so that I'm going to buy me some for the house. (diet exit stage left).

Here's a joke, how many men does it take to change a diaper?

The fight was cool. I think Mayweather fought a very good technical fight, but I liked De La Hoya. They both were pretty pretty pretty however, lol

So here's an interesting development. I've been put on restriction. Monetary that is. We are trying to do better and get off the party train. When Caun told me about this new development in light of my nickle and diming on the debit card which sends us into a tailspin. I pulled out my two 'oh baby' moves. Move one is to flash him, move two is to give him the big pretty brown eyed look. Neither of them worked - so I'm on restriction. I have no problem with it, it will definately make me be conscious of what I'm spending and that's a necessary evil. We got stuff coming down the pike and we want to be able to enjoy those things and not be living check to check.

I had some great news come down the wire on Friday, regarding a writing gig I applied for - however, due to the nature of it and the fact that I have to be incognegro - can't tell ya'll about it (what don't call me that, lol) Just know that I am excited about it and I hope that it works out.

Well let me get started filling out camp information. Got a call today about Goddess Monroe sleeping in class. Apparently she told the teacher that she was hanging out listening to music and watching tv!! Caun and I are knocked out under the bed by about 10:30, so this is very possible. I've already typed out the new rules and will just place them in the backseat. No need for any conversation. Huzzy!

Mindspace 5/4/07

2007-05-04T09:19:00.000-04:00

Friday Fandango

Get It Shawty! Get it Shawty! What it T-I-S peeps! Can you believe it's already Friday?! The past two weeks have shot by, similar to the way my money came in and then OUT of my account - SIGH. As I was riding to work this morning, for some reason it was screaming summer and the sun isn't even out, lol. I was just feeling it. All this week has been a good week.

Last night I stood at the gates of heaven and then fell prostrate at the pleasure on the other side.......All I got to say is DON'T STOP TILL YOU GET ENOUGH. I did my homework totally nude cause the feeling overtook me (but then again ya'll know I strip when it starts getting good, lol).

The Magnegroes have a full schedule this coming weekend. Tonite after I reclaim some sexiness (aka put in my weave), I am meeting the BTW folks at our favorite spot. Haven't seen my folks in awhile, looking forward to it. Tomorrow we will be up early and over at Phipps Plaza partaking of all that is Spiderman 3. We got like 11:30am tickets, I am trying to figure out how to stuff a whole bag of popcorn in the coach, lol. Later on that day, we are going to a Cinco de Mayo/Fight Party at a Tynomites house. Sunday we will come up with something to do.

If you have the joy of being the parent of any child between the ages of say 11-14, touch the screen because we all need to share energy, lol.

I got my phone bill the other day and:

Except this was the south side version and it involved yanking and violence. Apparently, I was unaware that my data package did not extend to her phone (we are on the family plan) so $98 worth of internet surfing showed up on the bill. That was a mistake, but the $30 worth of Family Guy Downloads, so Stewie can greet this huzzy when she cuts on her phone?! Gurllllllllllllllllll BOO!

As you already know 23 hours of her day is spent in her room. This is the hybernation stage of development. I remember it well. I would just be in my room in my own little world. She graces us with her presence at dinner and sometimes she uses us as tools to blow off steam. Recently she appeared and proclaimed, "You did not give me a name suitable for my impending stardom"

So people - from this day forth Mini-me will now be called by her new moniker:

GODDESS MONROE

1665 days until she's 18.............That's a LONNNNG TIME! LOL

Well folks, someone claimed the hot light at Krispy Kreme was beckoning them and they just had to drag us along with them - so let me go get mines! Ya'll have a good one and I'll see ya'll on Monday!

Mindspace 5/3/07

2007-05-03T10:27:00.000-04:00

GQ - - That's me!

Welcome to Throwback Thursdays. The problem with this day of the week, is that I have so many memories and stories of my youth, that these posts can go on forever. I'll try to keep it brief, lol Today, I wanted to continue my tales of the HS love kind pulling off my prom stories of last week.

Well let's start at the beginning and get that out of the way. My very first man and definately my lifetime Bottom B and the litmus test of all the rest of my eventual stable is of course.............

Don't get it twisted! Ok so now let's discuss the rest of the mere mortals, lol Well, before that, let me tell you that I had more crushes than Fanta Soda Company and my ENTIRE Highschool romantic adventures had to be in total secrecy because my mother has some kinda bizarre issue with anything having to do with boys. I was more chained up than a new slave, let me tell you! I went on one chaperoned date when I was 14 otherwise I never went on a date during those pivital 10-12 grade years as it pertained to my mother. Just thinking about that shit now makes me want to call her up and start an agrument...SCREECH, ok I'm 40 now, that was 20+ years ago, let it go Storm, let it go...Ok, lol. Anyhoo, my Dad was much more lax and the only dating I really ever did on a consistent basis was the summer of me being 16 (how appropriate) when I went to visit him in Philly. SIGH. That don't mean that I didn't try to get into as much trouble as humanly possible at that time.

I started digging boys when I was about 10 and left the Nation of Islam school and went to public school. I wrote my first erotic story at 11, me and a boy were 'doing it' on the scream machine at six flags. I burned my first set of journals, when my mom read that in the back yard. I have been digging black'men' ever since, lol

Once I got to highschool, it was on an poppin. Every week I had a new 'love', lol My first crush as a 13 year old was of course a Sr. (anyone from Booker T reading this will know who I'm talking bout, lol) TM was a Sr. and black as midnite. Lawd have mercy. He dressed like the pimp I needed him to be. He was the resident dancer and I was over the moon for that boy. I even wrote him a note, lol lol

My first real 'boyfriend' appeared at that same time in the form of a friend of my older brothers. He also was the only date I ever went on. He was cool first love kinda stuff. I had perfected kissing in the 7th grade, but I remember he told me I couldn't kiss - tore me up, so then I made it my goal to be the best kisser ever, lol I practiced daily - - on the cover of the Destiny Album with Mike,lol lol lol Yea for those in the know the cover opened out and Mike was at one end and Randy was at the other. I spent many an evening sitting beside my best friend as we listened to that LP and kissed our real men. (ok now I am feeling like a plum idiot). The entire horror of my life (at the time) was that date. We went to the movies and my mom and my younger brother and sister sat about three rows behind us. Someone should have shot me then. At some point he became a juvenile deliquent and that fizzled out.

Next on the list was JR. Top of the line fine. Sought after fine. Broke every artery in my heart when he got some girl pregnant and told me via A NOTE. I still have that note in my keepsakes. SIGH.

I then became enthralled with said juvenile deliquents. I had a mega crush on one KL. He was tall dark and had the most perfect jerri curl, lol lol I never saw him set foot in class the first, but that was soo appealing, lol I gave up on that after it did start to bother me he had a permanent spot in the fourth floor bathroom. After him came a set of twins. L&A E. Pretty Ricky what they called em! LOL L was the choice of my affection - too bad, one day we went to see a friend of my moms in a psych ward (!!!) and there that negro was as a weekend IN PATIENT!!!!! for drugs and alcohol. Slinking along the wall moving right along.

Fast forward to me moving out to Campbellton road and meeting all that Therrell High had to offer. That effectively was the end of me chasing BTW boys (except for my crush on NH and NM and OH and JH, lol - but they were my boys, that was mandatory). I now was strictly a Therrell High Floozy, lol. This was also the beginning of me getting my platinum belt in GQ'ing - nah that wasn't no dance that stands for: GRINDING QUEEN. Now ya'll know I had made the blood promise with my girls to remain a virgin until we were out of Highschool, but I was a hot something - so once I mastered kissing, I had to move on and thus I could grind with the best of 'em. Now because I also was INSANE - and I swear up until I was with my first husband, no one had ever seen any naked flesh of mine before. I did all my dirt fully clothed! LOL LOL LOL No palming, no fingering, no sucking, no nothing - just jean on jean grinding. I know just turn away so you don't spit on the screen in laughter.

I was sitting outside one day on my porch just chillin and reading - when I saw this boy ride past on his bike. Everyday occurance, but he had on a cast to his thigh. I went out to the street and flagged him down because I was intrigued with that and thus began another great teenage love jones chapter. The sparks flew and he immediately became my boyfriend like that day, lol lol. It wasn't until like a month later that I found out he was like 13 1/2 to my 15 year old ass. Hell he was taller than me and played varsity football, lol. We spent alot of time hugged up walking around in the Apartment complex. You remeber those strolls - hands in each others back pockets, walking like Laverne and Shirley, lol. I babysat for a woman who was hardly ever there, so that afforded me plenty of time to see my beau. I would arrive, she would leave, he would arrive, we would get rid of kid and get to grinding, lol. All we did was make out. We made out on every piece of furniture in that woman's house, lol. He flunked, got kicked off the team and his family moved and that was that.

Then there was D.R who I spoke about HERE. D.R. lived upstairs from me. He was best friends with G.W. Now G.W. was fine as frog hair. He used to walk around in his short short jogging pants with the thick white seam and three stripe gym socks and just be the shit! D.R. genuinely liked me, but I was soo stuck on G.W. however, I did like D.R. So whenever I felt like there was no hope of G.W. ever noticing me, D.R. and I were a couple. Me and that boy would get into some of the weirdest trouble.

One night I was suppose to be doing the dishes - he came to the backdoor and I came on out and we started necking, I mean going at it, lol. Next thing I know the back door flew open and......SPLASH a dishpan full of dishwater hit us full on, served by my Momma!! My little Brotha had told her I was out back 'doing the nasty' LOL LOL LOL We just stood there soaking wet, before he ran upstairs and I ran in the house. That didn't stop us though.

We were necking on the couch in my apartment and ended up leaning back on the couch. He had on some shorts and I did too. He got up to reposition himself and all I saw was the BIGGEST TENT IN HIS SHORTS I had ever seen in my life. I don't know, he didn't have no drawers on or something. I screamed "what is that?!" Pushed him and he landed square in the middle of my momma glass table (you know the one with being held up by the elephant base). Lawd that table cracked seamlessly in two. We both looking at each other like awww shit, what we gonna do - so I suggest that we throw the table away and I'll move the two end tables to the front - like my momma wasn't going to see that!! Two weeks punishment - and I didn't tell her what really happen either......

The summer of my first romance involved me and WC. We had the best summer of our lives in Philly. Catching the bus to Atlantic City and walking up and down the boarwalk. Parks, South Street, Movies, Double Whoppers at Burger King (ahh the teenage metabolism). He even let me wear his dog tag. I get home, my mom starts screaming "HE CAN SEE YOUR DIRTY PILLOWS!" drug me in a closet and made me pray and that was the end of that! Juliet once again!

I could go on but actually my Sr. year was kinda a bust. I really just kinda gave up on the whole thing, since I couldn't date like my friends etc. I just hung out with my crew and then at 19...GOT MARRIED!!!!!!!!!! I already said way before I had mini-me that I was going to be the type of mom who remembered when I was her age and not just enfore a yoke chain just because - she gives me a reason then sure, but she can date when the time is right - now that might mean when she's 35 (especially after writing this) but we'll see.....................

Mindspace 5/2/07

2007-05-02T11:45:00.000-04:00

The MWC

We all have cliques and groups of some sort. I belong to quite a few, some by default and some by choice. The women's club, the bloggers clique, the 40 and over group, the BTW c/o 84 clique - the list can go on and on. As you go through life you also move from one group/clique to another group/clique by circumstance and/or choice. Some groups you make an effort to get into. That is my case, I am soo excited to FINALLY be back in the MARRIED WOMENS CLUB!!!! Oh Yea!!

There's alot of talk about the fact that 'being married' ain't no big deal and things don't change. Well they do. It is a different vibe. You are more invested, you are more conscious of the relationship and you are more worried about the results. There is also (at least for me) this calmness and feeling of security. It also can bring about new worries of course. Especially when you reach my age bracket - you can get caught up. There is this 'feeling' that comes over you when you can finally say for instance "Hey you can call my husband" or "in case of emergency so and so, relationship: Husband" or "Hi I'd like you to meet my husband".

There is now this 'journey back' into the land of being single. You remember it, you know all about it - but you do tend to ponder on it differently. Secretly you do say "Whew glad I'm not dating anymore" or "Man if I had to be out there again" as well as, "Back when I was single". LOL

Also if you think that being married is not a come up - then you're sadly mistaken. I have came up ROYALLY. Having a husband just works. My time has totally shifted, my pockets have totally been revamped, my bedroom has become this oasis, my swagger is definite. I am full aware that I can't get up and go put on my new shoes, grab my coach bag and hop into my Durango without the assistance of CAUN.

Speaking of the bedroom - my sexuality has changed. I don't have to monitor anything. I don't have to 'make sure he don't think I'm sweating him' or any of the things you have to keep in mind when you're single and dating. I can be a complete horndog and that's what it is. I can text, internet, phone and in person - let my desires be known while at the same time if I ain't interested, I know he's not going anywhere. There's no time limits or constraints. I can have a lover and booty call and if I want it all in one day, that too. Me and Myself don't hook up that often and when we do it's for totally different reasons. All the fantasies and all the desires etc. can be brought forth with no reprecussions. This is especially true being that I'm 40 years old. I'm in another zone with the whole thing.

My social life has changed. I have always been social, but once I said I do - come to discover that my friends have been having other functions that I didn't know about because it was for...married folks. Now I get invitations to stuff. Caun gets invitations to stuff.

When I go out with the girls - we have new topics to talk about. I am also forever grateful that the married sistas I hang out consider marriage important and their place in it important. Before I was married I never heard any just negro drama and now that I am on the flip side, there has not been a flood gate opened of "sistagirl let me tell you what this negro did" type conversation. We talk about kids, money, life etc. etc.

As a single woman, I was impatient with exactly what was the plan. I wanted to know and I wanted to know NOW! It becomes a very selfish undertaking "What about ME?" "Why can't that be ME?" "What's wrong with.....ME?" I would enter into things already preparing for the end. I saw the left curve in every relationship I've ever been in. It doesn't stop you from experiencing but it definately can put a damper on things. Soo much of your time (whether you admit it or not) is devoted to the 'task' of (1) meeting someone (2) making it out of the homegate (3) developing something and (4) having it been sane and forward moving.

I will say it and say it again, only when I took that selfishness and actually turned it inward and asked those questions of myself and then answered myself with the truth - did I even begin to free up some time to be available for someone, lol lol Cause there's answers and you know them. You grown, you know what your issues are and at first we decide that we need 'someone who can put up with us', but in secret we know that's asking alot, especially when we have a short tolerance level ourselves for nonsense. Some folks are just not dateable - there I said it. You need to sit it on down and just relax, you know if you are or not. There is varying level of drama and varying degreess of life journey - if your shit been on crunk since you were old enough to date and you keep on and keep on - just to say you are as opposed to really 'relating' and trying to launch a 'ship', then it's okay to take some time off. Stop putting yourself and others (cause you got friends who take these rides with you and maybe even children etc.) through it. Sometimes when we are still - we can hear.

No I have never consider myself an emergency case, on a scale from 1-10, my stuff is like a 4 - but it was enough to keep me on the merry go round. ONLY through the grace of God taking care of fools and babies, have I lived on this earth as an adult woman and not been scarred, used, had my child exposed to unnecessary drama or unfortunately the long litnany of things some of my sisters have had to endure. I don't take credit and I don't treat the blessing in a light hearted manner. I thank Him!

So yea I'm in the Married Womens Club and it's one hell of a club (at least for me). I carry my new card proudly - the inks still wet, but I think I am on the course to wake up one morning and it be all raggedy and torn but still being renewed on a yearly basis. I hope alot more of you are able to come on in, and that your mindset of "it's what I want it to be" is drama free, full of love, forward moving and the freaking bomb!

Hmm, let me go MY HUSBAND is calling me, lol lol lol

Mindspace 5/1/07

2007-05-01T10:34:00.000-04:00

My Personalities

Ok today is just not a blogging kinda day. I have nothing profound or deep to discuss. I have nothing silly or flaming to discuss, lol So today I thought I'd just tap into my inner me and reveal some of my personality.

You KNOW this is so totally me!! I feel complete. I love this site. Any reason to play with paperdolls people!

OF COURSE CAUN IS CLOSE BY

If only they had a gumby fade and a bobby brown suit, lol lol

Mindspace 4/30/07

2007-04-30T10:29:00.000-04:00

Monday Musings

This is truly going to be a Monday' Musing, lol My mind is all over the place. This weekend was about downloading and dumping. These things usually revolve around a common theme in our household - BEING BROKE! LOL So we stayed home this weekend. We were all in this zombie like state. Caun did alot of sleeping and I just explored other areas of my mind through the written and visual world. Of course Mini-me stayed locked up in her room.

There were runs to Walmart a couple of times, just to get out the house. If you are the parent of a teenager, you know that they can cause tics in your body. I haven't felt this disconnected in awhile. I saw something that I just knew she's like and then Nah don't like it. grrrrrrr.......Heaven help me! Damn the strips of cloth folks pass off as clothing these days. My 13 year old will not have her butt glazed and showcased in 65% lycra, lifted and separated with a dimple in the back. NO SIR! She will not wear criss cross in the front tops that can't support a bra - she has no damn cleavage people! She will not teeter around on 3 inch cheap shoes. So we will both just bite the inside of our jaws till they are bleeding and until we come to some agreement.

It does bring a question to mind - if the 'purpose' of wearing a thong is to alleviate panty lines (1) why must I see your thong and (2) why must I see the triangle of your thong through your too tight pants!?

I spent some time watching Discovery Health Channel, alot this weekend. The human body and it's flaws and strengths is quite fascinating. I also devoted alot of time to watching sex changes and just the plight of the gay society. I saw an HBO special on Rosie O'Donnell and her all gay family cruise. I was more interested in it because the boat she was on is the one we will be cruising on next spring - but I took the time to speak with my daughter on different types of families and how we won't be spending alot of time - condemning another person, seeing as we are on a slippery slope to hell our damn selves. If we concentrate on what's happening at our place - I think we'll have a full time job.

I also got a chance to see Babel this weekend. What a good movie! The way they weaved five continents and four groups of people together all over one incident was quite good movie making! I also saw Simon Birch and cried like someone had died in my family. Lawd! I gotta leave that kinda stuff alone!

Sunday, I did get a chance to get out of the house. Went with the girls to 2urbanlicks. Great Asian Fusion and I was able to have fusion alcohol for the first time and I am hooked! I need to get me a jar going ASAP. That stuff was GOOD! We sat and talked and ate lamb lollipops, crab cakes and calamari. We started this up several months ago and I find it refreshing. We have tried all kinds of places in this city and I hope we continue.

Mini-me is talking about trying out for the dance team for 8th grade. I need to now rush and get the necessary physical forms filled out. I need to take my own behind to the Dr. soon. Meds running low. Decided to get my ass in gear and started walking (I know, I know - another exercise announcement) but nah it's not anything big - just need to get the blood pumping.

I also am feeling the need to put some spring in my house. I want to redo our bathroom and get us a new comforter as well. Just cause we sleeping on the floor doesn't mean the bed can't be nice, lol I want to bring some plants into the house as well. I will start working on that in the very near future.

This week should be warm weatherwise and smooth activity wise. Leading up to a quite busy weekend. The summer party circuit is beginning to kick off!

I was just looking at my dashboard and I've logged in 638 posts between Emancipation and Adventures - that's alot of conversation people. I also have received 1086 comments (I keep them all) I just noticed I am over the 14K visitors to this site. I am so enjoying blogging and would like to continue sooo

THERE IS VERY EXCITING THINGS COMING IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE HAPPENING TO THIS BLOG! STAY TUNED!

Mindspace 4/27/07

2007-04-27T09:45:00.000-04:00

Friday Fandango

This week flew by. I really can't remember alot that happened on Monday. Whew! The day has gotten off to a stellar start however because my generations Temptations are on their way to the Atlanta GA!

New Edition
June 17, 2007
7:00pm
Chastain Park

It is so on and poppin! I need a new outfit.

Gasoline is currently $2.98 and I drive a TANK - so I'll be parking it this weekend and keeping my ass at home. We have netflix movies, cable and food - I'm straight.

Mini-me News!

She has been asked by her former elementary school to come back and give the commencement speech for the 5th grade! That certainly is an honor. Report cards came out yesterday 3 A's and 4 B's - so she's doing okay.

I'm going to end this entry with spoken word that is shooting across the net - I saw it last night and was like I gotta get in on this.

So SNAP SNAP and Ya'll have a good one!

Mindspace 4/26/07

2007-04-26T10:08:00.000-04:00

Throwback Thursday - Prom Edition

My Niece went to the prom this past weekend. It made me smile and go back to when I was doing the prom thang - so let's all go there, lol. I was blessed to have an opportunity to get gussied up quite a bit during my last couple years of High School. I went to two proms as a Jr. and was a Sub-Debutante. My Senior year, I went to my prom and came out as a Debutante. I also was queen of my homeroom a couple of times and was elected Miss R.O.T.C. Now that holds a special place in my heart because I wasn't IN R.O.T.C. to have that many guys decide that you should be their queen means alot. I held the highest rank and had a white suit and saber and all that good stuff. Lots of fun! Lots!

I was Jr. Class president, so I was instrumental in the planning of our Jr./Sr. prom. What fun. Also during my jr. year I was 'in love' with the king of the game room. Those that grew up in the 80's you know bout the game room. It was the place to hang. Ours was up on Delowe and Campbellton Road. We all went every freaking day. GW was the king of them all. Ooo honey let me tell you - he had the highest score on Centipede, Pacman and a few others. I was beside myself! In the summer he would dress in these shorty shorts gold with the white trim, his knee tube socks and skips and I would be damn near orgasmic just watching him walk around our apartment complex. So when prom time came, I had to have him! So I paid my younger brother $4 to go and take him a note asking him to the prom. He didn't go to my school - so I also was taking a chance on being asked to his school's prom in return. I slunk down to the floor when my brother returned the note and it said Y-E-S!! Lawd have mercy!

I had gotten in my mind that he was gonna be 'the one'. My moms had rented (those in the 80's in GA you got five minutes to guess what kinda car was kicking in 1983)....A burgandy on burgandy regal! (LOL LOL LOL). I was the shiznit! This boy was sooo fine - the woman I babysat for did my hair and another woman my mom knew made my dress. I thought I was too cute. We had fun at the prom. We really didn't know each other - so there were awkward moments.

Now while I was busy chasing after him, I did have a jump off, his best friend who lived in the apt. above me. We had wayy more in common and he was always so sweet to me - but I was gunning for that which would make others jealous, lol lol So I totally dissed him and his advances about prom to be with his friend. Youth I tell yah! We in the car making out. Hot ass all get out up in that mug. I'm just knowing this is the father of my children right here - - - SCREECH! Father/Mother Oh shit! I backed that stuff all the way up and that's when it turned ugly and....he put me out the car! Yep - date over! Dinner at Steak and Ale, slow dancing to Ribbon in the Sky couldn't put that date back together again. I remember standing at the corner, with my heels in my hand, trying to figure out how to play this off in front of my momma. Tsk Tsk Tsk. I told her that he was really gunning for curfew and would return the car in the morning. She went for it. I was too upset! The next day I told DR (his best friend) all about it. He did return the car and we spoke and it was chilly but cool.

Two weeks later he invites me to his prom! Whoo Weee! I said yes, I had dresses etc. from various things. Yea I dissed DR - - yet again, to go with this dude. Actually we double dated with DR. We actually had a good time - it was like friends going out as opposed to anything romantic. The next day they all went to six flags - but 'the slavemaster' thought that was a 'date' and God forbid I be allowed out on a non-event type date. So I didn't go (rollin eyes even today).

Sr. year, I was having fits of desire for my older brothers best friend who I had met that summer while visiting. So I insisted that they figure out a way for him to come take me to the prom - insert most of the story above for this one as well in terms of oh yeah "he's the one" LOL LOL LOL My brother and him drove down and it was on and poppin. He was from Belize and had this wonderful accent. I spent more time swooning than anything else. Well, he basically spent alot of time patting me on the head as his LITTLE SISTER! WTF?! I remember sitting in the car with him while we waiting for my brother to finish boning a girl he knew (WHAAAAA). I was just a crying etc. because I didn't want to be looked at in that way. My Sr. Prom the actual event was cool - but I was wayy disappointed in the date.

The Debutante Honor was the highest I felt I achieved in High School. It was classic Southern Charm and I was all for it. Debutante's are honored for their civic, academic and moral high standards. You had to be an A student, do something for the community and be a.....VIRGIN. Now I'm sure back in the day, they checked that stuff a bit more rigorously, but since I was - worked for me, lol

It also is the closest I would ever get to my Daddy walking me down the aisle (R.I.P). When you are a Sub-Debutante, your job is to help the Debs and you do a bonafide dance to welcome them to 'adulthood'. When you are a Deb, you basically wear a white 'gown' and your father presents you to society and then you dance with your father (what a blessing) a waltz no less and he gives your hand to your Jr. Escort (as a symbol you are of dating age) and then you dance off into the sunset with him. Alot of pomp and circumstance and I can't wait until it's mini-me's time.

By this time, I had been 'grinding' with DR for awhile now. He was the best kisser in the whole apt. complex, so of course I had to keep him in the stable (ok this is reeking of another throwback about me and my boyfriends, lol). So I asked him to be my Jr. escort. We had a fabulous evening and I'll never forget it.

Postscript: Sr. Year GW got a girl pregnant (see that could have been me messin up my life). He moved away and I never saw him again. I saw DR again after I married and was mad because I would have liked to see what he was like in bed, now that I was doing the real thing - but I had to honor my marriage vows. I heard last that he was in the service and had about five kids. Sr. Prom date and I hung out when I went home maybe a year ago. Still fine as frogs hair and doing well in his life - now strictly dates white girls.

Reality Mindspace 4/23/07

2007-04-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

Yea - It Be's Like This Sometimes

Give the People What They Want!

Mindspace 4/24/07

2007-04-24T09:05:00.000-04:00

Happiness Is....

Being waken up every morning at 40 years old the same way I used to wake Mini-me up, smothered in kisses
Having the greatest 850 songs of my life at my disposal as some kinda Musical Tantric Sex via the Ipod
Knowing that currently if i check email/internet/phone log of mini-me - there's nothing that says 'future guest on Maury'
Laughing long and loud and really meaning it
Replacing bad stress with good stress
The secrets that couples share
Looking at my tan in the mirror every morning and remembering what fun I had
"Baby those shoes look really good on your foot - why don't you get them?"
Running around the house in masks and capes...just because
Living my own life
Hanging up the phone on nonsense and it stay on the phone
Sun roof, fly shades, nice weave and swagger
Passing the glow along
Ice cream cones on a Sunday Afternoon
Mini-me racing to show Caun her new earrings
7:30-8:00 am M-F
"Thank You Mommy"
Being able to even recognize Happiness
Scoring an $100 item retail for $20 on Ebay
Upgrading your entire life and thought process

Mindspace 4/23/07

2007-04-23T10:38:00.000-04:00

Monday Musings

The Jelly Bean That Almost Took Me Out

Lawd! I was on my way back from lunch and found three gourmet jelly beans in my jacket pocket. I popped one in my mouth - bit down and tasted the peanut butter. I spit it out, but immediately my tongue started itching. So I'm like mannnn, I need to get to work to drink some water. By the time I got to my desk - my voice was gone, by the time I got to my supervisors office I was wheezing. A co-worker was going to run up the street to the drugstore to get me some benedryl - she stopped by the security desk. Next thing I know I'm on display. The nurses here at the office came down - said my pulse was racing and I was flushed call 911 - I said I didn't need all that, they came anyway. So then Caun had to be called. I actually had to get on a gurney and be wheeled through the office WITH OXYGEN!!!!!!! I get taken via ambulance up the street. I have NEVER been in an ambulance in my life and my first ride lasts all of 5 minutes, lol. They don't even get me a room. I spent four hours in the hallway, lol lol getting intrevenous stuff. Caun gets the truck goes and gets Mini-me and comes on up. They both looking at me sideways on this hopsital bed in the hall clutching my Coach Bags, lol lol Watching this woman try to throw up and keep her wig on, LOL

So I got out the hospital and came back up to the job to get some work I didn't get to complete. We then went to dinner, lol I got in the house and commenced to sleep about 11 hours. Some good dreamless sleep too. Somewhere in there I was just a smiling, why? Because for the first time in a long time - I had somebody!! I could say "Call my HUSBAND" Whew Lawd! Thank you!

So of course said husband had only one comment "that's what you get for having stray nutz in your mouth" - Tsk Tsk Tsk SIGH!

Anyhoo - the rest of the weekend was great. The weather here was F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S. We spent most of it outside. We actually went to two different outlet malls on opposite sides of Atlanta. I wanted to get the arguments with Mini-me started now, so by the time I'm ready to purchase stuff - we can be set. Phase one is done. It was about...shoes and heels. We got that straight since 3 inch heels will not be worn on her foot. Yes she has to grow up and I lay out several 1 to 1 1/2 inch samples of what was acceptable. We came to an agreement and that's that. Next up, phase two - swim suits. I will wear my armour for that one.

Does anyone watch TLC or Discovery on Sunday Nights? Last night they had a special called "I eat 33,000 calories a day" You talking bout a downer. This brother ate as part of his 33,000 calories 8 steaks and 5 baked potatoes A DAY! I don't even know why I watched these damn shows, cause it don't do anything but make me depressed. All my bravada on Friday and then I watch like three shows in a row about obscenely obese people. Way to go Pam! SIGH.

I did alot of 'mothering' this weekend. Mini-me is getting some acne and she was using this dollar store stuff her G-mom gave her and her face just broke out. It made it worse. So I went and got some Nutrogena which is gentler and showed her how to open her pores and then I did a light 'scrub' and then I closed her pores up and applied medication etc. Her face looks 100 times better today. I then showed her how to moisturize and what not. It's funny - you have to teach your children - they don't know. It always makes me feel for those children whose parents just don't parent and they have to pick it up from somewhere else. I'm gonna get her that veet so she can shave her legs this summer as well. Me being a girlie girl - I do enjoy these types of bonding moments with mini-me and she was most grateful to see the progression in 24 hours on her face.

In the meantime - she's starting pushing for......A DOG! I have never been a real dog fan - though I like little dogs. We spoke about it and I said we would revisit it in August, because we got alot going on this summer and who would watch the dog. She won't even freaking be here!!! So we'll see. I know that I like life around and this very well might be a good 'teaching tool' and 'responsibility' etc. She's an only child and sometimes I sympathize about that and she's quite responsible - HOWEVER - I just keep seeing additional costs, the fact that WE not HER will be getting a dog and things like periods and dog vomit and loose bowels and spit up and shit that would make me gag! HMMM - don't know. Dog lovers, let me know if that would be a good move. It is a living being and not something we can just give back if it don't work out. I know folks who got dogs and their homes don't smell or anything (that's my other worry). I, as of today, am not feeling it.

Well last week was deep on my end and wordy - so this week, I'll try not to bore yah to tears, lol I'm feeling springy - so I want some lightweight stuff! Thanks to all the new readers (found some new blogs to read!) and let's get this party started RIGHTTTTT!!!

Mindspace 4/20/07

2007-04-20T08:44:00.000-04:00

Friday Fandango

An email:

Hi Pamela, Your XXXXX here. Loved the Honeymoon trip photos. They were great; you know how to live! I'm jealous (smile). You all showed the world the love you share. I do have one concern; it appears you have gained a tremendous amount of weight.....I don't like that! You must get a handle on that; some food choice changes, and a work out plan. Your man is cut, you have to be cut, you know what I mean. You are too pretty to be big and fat. Your XXXXX is still holding, you have to be holding!

My Answer:

I am where I am at this moment and that's what it is. As evidenced by my pictures, I'm not having any self esteem problems and my husband is not having any issues about it either. He helps with what I am eating and we take walks when we can. My sugar levels are doing good and I take my medicines and make all of my appointments etc.

When I get to the point where I really put forth an effort to do even more - I'll be there, I'm not there and I"m not fretting about it at this time. :) I'm getting ready for my 41st b'day and spending a weekend away in Savannah with my girlfriends and getting mini-me ready for her usual 'summer tour' of folks houses, laugh and all of us taking a family vacation to Florida in July not to mention being in the middle of my Sr. Year of College - with a graduation date of January. I'm in a place where I've wanted to be and my 40's are treating me quite well so far.

I know I don't want to be struck down with anything to hinder the life I am living, so I promise I will walk a bit more and get the ole heart rate going a bit more..How's that? :)

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit
a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
they think I'm telling lies.
I say, It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
hive of honey bees.
I say, It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say, It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say, It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me

-Maya Angelou

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!!!!

Mindspace 4/19/07

2007-04-19T08:16:00.000-04:00

Thursday Throwback

As Promised, I am reposting the entry concerning my first marriage. This is the man I married and the father of my only child, I am going to respect the santity of that union and not get too deep into the meat of our relationship - but it was a pivital time of my life and a dividing line between the young adult I was when I met him and the grown woman I had to be on the other side.

How I met him was crazy like everything else. I had graduated and moved up North to Philly. My mom had gave up our apt. and moved in with a friend who rented rooms, so she could write and save money (all of us were up North by this time). I came home for Christmas break to hang out with my High School friends. She told me she had someone she wanted me to meet. She said that he was interested in Islam and that ~~She said he could have me~~ she thought I'd like to meet him and had told him all about me. I had a 'friend' in Philly, and was looking forward to getting to know him better. Ok - - sigh - - I was standing in the living room in my PJ's having a SLEEPOVER, there were about 6 of us, eating fried chicken and just loud as hell. The door opened and I looked up and there stood EL DEBARGE DRESSED LIKE RUN DMC!! He had the deepest voice I had ever heard in my life. I introduced myself and my friends and then I realized I knew him! He was on TV all the time on the local dance show. He also was a member of the International Wrecking Crew - they broke dance around town. I started practicing my new last name right in that living room, lol.

How He Got It - ok fast forward a bit, he had left morehouse and was living in NY again. I was in Philly still doing my thing. We had been talking awhile and quite frankly he was taking too long. I did't know what the deal was, but I really just one day said "It's time to have sex and he's the one" I planned it all out. Put myself on birth control pills a month in advance and everything. Let him know I was coming up the way to hang out with him. The day came and I told the folks I had a term paper and would be gone all day, hopped on the train and went to NYC.

It was the most disappointing single moment of my young life, lol lol. It was so mechanical, so medicinal - NOTHING like I had been reading in my penthouse stories!! I was raring to get buck wild! Now it did last longer than I expected, lol I remember jumping out the bed to see if my hips had spread, lol lol. I wanted to do it again and again and he was like "he might hurt me" WTF?! It didn't hurt (which I came to find out later on in life, I was built for size but I digress, lol) I remmber later on that evening sitting on the train thinking - ok, this has got to get better.

How He Married Me was well we eloped. I moved in with him when I was 19 1/2, we got married that following year. One day he was just like, let's do this. We had a fully furnished rent controlled apartment in Manhattan! A motorcycle and we both worked. At first we dabbled with the thought of a 'wedding' decided to marry in Brooklyn so at least it would be in another borough, lol. We both took 1/2 days off from work and went to the court house. We had exactly 8 pictures of our wedding, lol. I stood in the square crying as I told my mom on the phone we eloped - she said and I quote "the minute you moved in with him, you were married in my eyes" Alrightyyyy then! We went back to work. Our honeymoon came a month later when we took the bus from NY to FLORIDA!! That bus ticket was as thick as a phone book. Whew when you young!

(Insert MARRIAGE with all it's highs, lows and in betweens that two young, childless, negroes living in NY might just go thru)

How I Lost Him, I was making bean pies at the apartment in Philly. He stayed at our Jersey house during the week and came down on the weekend. The phone rung and it was his father and he just said "Pam, Husband is dead". I remember telling him to call next door to my mom (my family owns a whole block in Philly) and I picked up a sleeping six month old mini- me and walked barefoot to my mom's house. I remember entering and people screaming and then all running towards me...they had to carefully take mini-me from me because I was squeezing her so tight.

The imagery kept coming......a call saying he was stabbed 23 times, no suspects...home invasion......Muslims have to get their dead in the ground in 48 hours, so there was lots of activity - my mom was sewing the National for the casket, black was being hung on the windows, the cops were calling back and forth asking me questions etc. etc. We had two furnerals - there were that many people in attendance. My Husband was an up and coming record producer and knew alot of people. We rode up for the second private furneral. The Imam's call to prayer washed over me as if God himself was in the room.

NYPD and NJ police were all over the case - his father was Serpico's partner (yea that one) at one time and they take care of their own. Two weeks it took to catch them, and it turned out to be so simple - they paged the pager they had stolen and they called the cops back. All over the papers - Head State Prosecutor taking the case. I KNEW THEM NIGGAS! Had pictures of them sitting on my couch. They were 'clients'...the story came out.

They owed money, he wouldn't release music, they quarrel, they beat him up knocked him out, he awoke to having had a garbage bag tied around his head to suffocate him, he got it off, they beat him some more, stabbed him 23 times, went upstairs to clean up, came back and he was gone. Had crawled down the hall out the back door, jumped the fence to get to the neighbors, they caught up and slit his throat..he died on the glass atrium that was my neighbors kitchen, they woke up to coffe and.....him. He tried......

Two trials...one year...court every day almost...pack up the house...they came in and cleaned all the blood, sell,move, stay sane....his best friend attacks murderer in the elevator thru 'special permission', murderer stands up and tells me to go to hell on the stand pandemonium in the court room...stressful...gotta take care of the baby...STOP THE INSANITY I'm only 28 years old!

60 years no chance of parole - every couple of years I write a letter to make sure nothing fishy goes on and they even attempt to get the fuck out.

"Ms...this is court TV, we saw your file in court and will be featuring it on I Dectective" Mini-me now 9 - you what? Surreal watching my life on television...didn't want people to know I was suspect...who is that playing me? She got my hair stylea the time. Um okay he was light but why not a black actor, phone ringing off the hook...you okay...Yes I am okay - He sees I'm doing a damn good job - look at that smile on Mini-me's face...she got his eyes and hair and she got his love for music - he lives on.....

May the peace and blessings of Allah forever be upon him
Rest In Peace

Mindspace 4/18/07

2007-04-18T09:38:00.000-04:00

It's A Family Affair

"I want Destiny..It's the place for me,yeah, yeah, yeah - give me the simple life, I'm getting way from here, let me be me, come let me feel free, let me be me..I wanna get far from here, should I up and fly away so fancy free, nobody can change my mind, the words of Destiny are calling me...bout time.." - The Jacksons

I had to pull on some spiritual guidance before I began this post (Hey you got yours, I got mines, lol). Before I begin, in my adult years I have learned that stress/strife and drama are relative and unique to an individual. I have been exposed to and heard more horror stories about upbringings to last me a life time and residual effects that folks deal with every day. I am foreign to 99% of it in my life and upbringing, so no tales of gore here - however, my stress/strife about my family is mine and quite relevant in my day to day travels.

Sooooo here's how it's laid out. My daddy had 12 kids, my biological daddy had 3 - broken down farther, my 'nuclear' family has me and my two siblings - 35 and 33 respectively. I, however, have 7 brothers and 9 sisters all total. I am the oldest girl at 40 1/2 out of all of the kids. It's okay you can get your calculators and go on over to ancestors.com to figure it all out - hell I need to as well.

There is a clear line between the first set of kids and the second set of kids, as my father branched out into his activities. The first set of kids were scarred in a totally different way then the second set. Our goal was to get up and out, who are these women? who are these kids? why did my share just get alot smaller?

As an adult looking back on the whole situation, overall my issues are about fustration that it didn't turn out like I thought it would. We have no family cohesiveness as it died 21 years ago (my daddy). Once he was gone, the group fractured based on who their momma was and us older kids were out doing our thing and didn't look back at the younger ones sans my youngest brother who was born after my daddy died and he has been the most loved out of all of us. Don't nobody mess with my baby brother, lol

I currently have no relationship with most of my siblings. The two in my immediate circle have serious life issues that they need to address - I don't even have the capacity to understand what is going on with them. I can admit that my sista is an addict and my brother is very close to some sort of mental breakdown. They just didn't thrive out here in this world and it pains me to no end. The rest are scattered in the wind due to their own demons and the younger ones - have spite for us older ones and charges (which are true) that we deserted them. If I were to really be honest, there are exactly four out of the whole 12 that are 'normal' by todays standards. From my biological fathers standpoint - I just never really bonded with them. The next one under me, has no interest in meeting me or reaching out to me, though I've reached out to her; the youngest and I talk about once a month - it is what it is, she's young has three kids and is doing her thing.

When I was little, I created this whole family for myself. They had huge birthday parties, I had 25 cousins, they had family reunions and all kinds of stuff. I think about that sometimes as I pull them up to create again that family for myself. Mini-me knows some of her cousins but not all. She knows some of her aunts and uncles but not all. We don't do those things anymore on a grand scale. We did for a time. While I miss that in my life, on one level I don't - because it's always in the matrix, because my family can not and refuses to come real about our upbringing and the 'scars' of polygomy. There are some - my brothers are RUINED because of it. As well as, there is a failure of religion among the ranks and a great chasm between the old and the young and nobody wants to talk about that.

When you are raised in a household that is very religious, regardless of the faith a couple of things happen. You get out in the world and go wild for a minute, then you decide whether or not what you were taught works for you and if it didn't - you find something else, and if it did you might tweek it for your own personal spirituality. When you are raised in a sub-culture, it's a whole nother ball of wax. My personal gripes with the whole thing is that - I was given religion and structure in my opinion, but not alot of 'faith' or ways and means out here in the real world. I have been able to evolve some of my basic learnings in order to be able to deal out here in the world. But while we were learning the circumference of the planet earth - we should have been being taught about how to function out here in the world on a day to day - real world basis. If I hadn't of seen my mother working etc. etc. then I wouldn't have known. We all have no drive and no direction. Things like furthering our education, employment and the importance of it all - were not things discussed in our home. I had to change that up in mines and make it important. I had to change alot of things and create a normalcy in my home and in my life.

So where am I today? I am where I am. My 'cross to bear' is that - I want a traditional american nuclear family and everything else can move to the left. I have that and I am going to keep that. I don't want extended family, family given to me, problems of family or any of that. I want my house, picket fence, 2.5 kids, family car, two vacations a year. I have been rebuilding a relationship with one brother and we all are doing fine. It's a struggle, everybody gotta be on board and most of them are not - so moving on. I zone out alot, when it comes to my family - just become silent. I have reached out a couple of times over the years only to be rebuffed by some siblings - so moving on from that as well. At this point, when I need 'family', I usually just go hang with Janets.

As I continue to grow and make progress, maybe some of this will go away. I don't live in the past - but there is a mental photo album that pops up from time to time. I hope that one day we all can be one big happy family - but I'm not holding my breath...I'm not holding my breath.

Mindspace 4/17/07

2007-04-17T14:28:00.000-04:00

It's Just Emotions

Afternoon! I have been running and haven't been able to put thoughts to paper till now dang it! As I was saying yesterday, this week, I wanted to do an emotional drive-by and see where I am in my continued development. I thought today, I'd revisit some popular emotions and see how I have been doing.

Love

Noooo, this isn't another ode to Caun, lol It's about the very word itself. I didn't grow up hearing it alot. It was evident, but my family just didn't use the word like that. I haven't been one to use it alot either in my lifetime. I remember mobetta and I were in a relationship for years and we never exchanged the plesantry. Caun is a whole different animal. From the moment we professed love for one another - it's been a constant staple in my life and off my lips. I, at first was actually uncomfortable with the word. Not the emotion, but the word. I can say I've gotten past that. Every conversation ends with I love you, it is just randomly thrown around between us and it feels right. I have incorporated it into my daily routine with Sakinah. It used to just be a bedtime sentiment, but now I say it to her when she gets out of the car in the morning. At first it took her by surprise, but she got onboard quickly. I don't know how to speak it to my mother. I have all the emotion, but saying the word - I'm not there yet, it's just not something we do.

Affection

Now this right here has grown by leaps and bounds. As you can probably guess, there wasn't alot of this either. For years as an adult, I was accused of being a 'cold' person by the very people who I would have learned how to show affection from. I didn't even know how to hug, it was always awkward for me. I could relate to a man but basically I wasn't too keen on being touched. It was foreign to me. I had to teach myself how to embrace and provide that physical affection for my child. As she became older, I shrunk away from her hugs and kisses as well. I was able to notice this and made myself be available for her. When I began my Emancipation, I began to reach out beyond my comfort and just hug people. "Janet" was first, then I would just randomly hug other people. I forced myself to get over my desire to shrink back and allow flesh to touch. Then I meet a man who wants to basically live in your warm spots, lol. I couldn't even front, lol This man is attached to my hip. He loves showing and giving affection. At first it would freak me out! I felt like I was trapped or something, but then I chided myself and even when I wanted to run away, I stayed. I am doing much better in that area. Now even Mini-me will come plop her 105 pound ass in my lap to be cuddled. Caun is still all over me and there are days when I tell him, get off me - but they are getting less and less. I enjoy snuggling and being all up under him. I even hugged my mom last time I saw her - a full frontal embrace. HUGE STEP for me.

Happiness

I know this is going to sound absolutely crazy, but I have Happiness Anxiety. I don't know if that's something real or not, but I assigned that name to it. What I mean is that I feel 'stress' around being insanely happy. I constantly worry if I"m too happy, am I being arrogrant, how do I coexist with alot of folks I know who got issues for days, am I being an ass for even entertaining that there needs to be some type of 'program' to coexist with other people? My assumption that other folks might take offense to me constantly expounding on how happy I am, my assumption that other folks aren't happy, and the list goes on and on. I don't know what's wrong with me. Let's not even being the whole 'how long is this gonna last?' and the paranoia that folks are waiting patiently for my stuff to fall flat. The ONE THING I don't have going is the 'don't deserve it's', which in itself should get me 20 lashes across the neck and back. Don't ask me what's wrong with me. I have never really been one to be able to just live in the moment without overanalyzing all kinds of stuff. See this is how people add unneccesary stress to their lives, lol It's as if, you feel you can't survive without it. Lawd Help Me! I am working on this.

Stress

Speaking of stress, it seems that overall, I've reduced mine to the smallest of issues. Those I create on my own. I have gotten very proficient at not allowing others stress to infiltrate what I got going on. I have mellowed out all the way around about alot of stuff and I am quite happy with that. Low stress means better Diabetic numbers and that means minutes on my life.

Drama

I really had to sit back and say that in reality, folks live every day WITHOUT it and I intend to be one of those folks. The first step was distancing myself from family drama, which takes up a great portion of my drama meter to begin with. Drama is a decision and I am deciding NOT to have it. I don't have any personally and my 'circle' are not ones to dwell in it. I also have begun to kinda protect myself when it comes to my 'counseling duties'. Number Tne, I can only say so much to adults - everyone got their own journey. Number Two, I was starting to get cynical about all of it to begin with and to prevent that from showing, I have to take 'breaks'. Caun lives the most carefree life and I sit in his breeze and enjoy the shade. It is quite relaxing.

Fear

I have been having the weirdest anxiety attacks and they all revolve around....Caun dying. Who would have thought my past would rear it's ugly head like it has. Death is inevitable, but when you have lost a mate - it just seems as if it's always on the surface. My heart gets to beating fast and I just focus really hard on shaking the images out of my head. For those that don't know that complete story - I'll post it at a later date.

Envy and Jealousy

You know E&J go together, lol There is always someone doing better than you or having more than you. I really took to Katt Williams philosophy about "Haters" - if I do hate on somebody, I have to acknowledge they fly and then I work hard to acquire me more haters, lol Jealously in my relationship is non-existent. I have raised an eyebrow at some broads a couple of times, but such is the way of the world. Hell, I'm glad somebody looking at both of us, lol We could be swamp ponies, lol

Whew, I feel pretty good. I have this aura of love and happiness around me and it's coming from.....within. I am in love with me, add Caun and I am a vessel of love, lol It's sickening...I know, lol So I am doing okay. Always room for improvement, especially when it comes to checking my out of control self, lol.

Tomorrow we will delve into...Family Ties. I will need some time to compose that one.

Mindspace 4/16/07

2007-04-16T10:38:00.000-04:00

TV & Zzzzzzz's

Right now I am under my desk sucking my thumb in sorrow because Tyrese will be here on Thursday and due to the carnote people threatening to make some kinda 'example' of me - I won't be attending. YBF had the nerve to post pictures of his night in NYC!!!!! Ohh my heart is going to burst forth from my chest!

Morning!

My Subject line says it all about my weekend. I was in some kinda semi-comatose state and I think I am FINALLY back among the living in the here and now and not caught up in that vacation haze, lol lol

I just laid around from Friday Nite to Sunday, lol I didn't cook or anything, lol Matter of fact Caun and Mini-me been cooking all this past week. I cooked dinner last night as my reintroduction, lol lol

We just caught some really crazy stuff on that whole ON Demand thing. We watched the cult classic "Ssssss" about the man trying to turn young men into King Cobras, lol and we watched this actually really good movie starring Joan Crawford towards the end of her career called Strait-Jacket. She found her husband and his girlfriend in her bed, chopped them up and went to the asylum for 20 years and then got out. It was really good - so different from todays movies, all vamped over of course since it was Joan Crawford. We did some more Roots and I took naps all in between all of that.

Sunday, however, I got up and went out to 'Janets' house to hang out and give her her gifts from the cruise. We had a good time talking and drinking Tequila and sweet/sour mixers, lol lol We also caught the new show Drive on Fox and it was quite good, I must say. I just hope I remember to watch it because it's one of those shows where you need to watch it or you are totally lost. Lots of story lines going on.

I got a 78 in my last class - I'm okay with it. My paper was HORRIBLE. I should have done it before I left, but it would have then just been bad, lol. I'm in Cultural Anthropology now and he doesn't want internet articles for our paper, so I'm going to have to freaking go to the library and do some real work! LOL I'll make it happen however, I'm soo close.

ATLNewbian always does these great things with her self portraits, so this weekend Caun and I did our thing, lol lol As you can tell - I've moved on in the hairstyle parade, lol lol I am on 100% sexy right about now and Caun stays on 100% - so we are doing fine.

Last week, I was so reminded of myself as I read WEEKENDS OFF. If you haven't read the sista, please do. She has a great blog. Well last week, she took me back to a point in my life on EMANCIPATION. She has just been doing some self examining and it made me think that it's about time I lay back on the cyber couch and see where my head is at.

So this week on the blogshere, I am going to sit on the 'couch' and see where I am at emotionally. I haven't been on the cyber couch in awhile and it's time for a spring time check in, lol This should be interesting, lol it's all about introspective and I have my tissue and some water and a pillow for my neck. I'll be kicking off my shoes and putting on my favorite footies and delving into what's going on in my head and heart. How is the journey going? This time I will also be delving into some areas, I don't talk about alot on this board..namely family and my relationship with them.

Now if I could just put this much energy towards cleaning out my freaking CLOSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. If you get a chance and would like to finally address the ENTIRE issue that Imus brought to the forefront (yet again) here is a GREAT BLOG called AFRONERD that has some very important commentary and information. Check him out as well.

Mindspace 4/13/07

2007-04-13T09:14:00.000-04:00

Friday Fandango

I sit here with hubby’s poooka shell necklace on, still glowing from my tan, still kinda wondering when I can go back on vacation. It’s been a week and we still got the fever. Caun cooked, so you know that means he had to ‘dress’. He sported everything he got from the cruise. Tsk Tsk Tsk. I won’t even post the picture, lol.

So we are doing a definite ‘Kizzy’ and staying put this weekend. I will go see ‘Janet’ and ‘Lil Red’ but that’s about it. Oh and I am taking these corn rows out and doing something to my nap….OOPS, I mean I will be fixing my hair this weekend as well….

It is suppose to be some kinda monsoon tomorrow, so it also will be perfect weather to catch up on some sleep. The Dogwood Festival is this weekend, but we won’t be going. This marks the first anniversary of Mini-me breaking her knee at said festival and she refuses to go ANYWHERE near there – I understand.

I hope that everyone has a great weekend and today I am going to leave you with a popular column in our local artistic newpaper The Creative Loafing. It’s called ‘The Blotter’ someone reads the police rolls and reports them. If we combined this with some pictures from Hot Ghetto Mess, we would almost have a movie.

WATCH OUT FOR BLACK CATS AND HAVE A GOOD ONE YA’LL!

IN MIDTOWN, TWO MEN got into a fight over a dog. Police responded and tried to sort out the dogfight between two men, who don't live together. Here are the two men's stories:

A 42-year-old man said he owns the dog, but he wanted to take the dog away from a 53-year-old man's home on Penn Avenue. He also said he keeps some clothes there. But, he said, when he arrived at the 53-year-old man's house, he saw that his clothes were on fire. He said the 53-year-old man rushed toward him and hit him with a shovel, so he left and went to the hospital.

The 53-year-old man's story: He said he and the 42-year-old are friends, but the 42-year-old doesn't take care of the dog. He said the 42-year-old uses him for money, and when he doesn't give him money, he wants the dog back. The 53-year-old said he loves the dog. He was charged with aggravated assault and went to jail.

ON LEE STREET, police responded to a possible bank robbery. Officers took a bald 35-year-old man into custody and found several $100 bills inside a white Mrs. Winners bag. A bank employee IDed this man as the alleged bank robber. He said this man handed him a note that read: "Put $1,000 in the bag." The teller said he grabbed a stack of $100 bills, stuffed it in the Mrs. Winners bag and gave it to him. The total amount recovered from the white Mrs. Winners bag was $1,600.

The suspect decided to talk. He said he intended to rob the bank and he intended to get caught by police. He said he was down on his luck and needed money. The suspect said he was taking some antidepressants and some antipsychotic medications. The officer wrote, "He also went on to say jail was his only choice because society didn't allow him to make money on his own."

A WOMAN WAS PASSED OUT in the driver's seat of a red 2007 Dodge Caliber, with the keys in the ignition, on the emergency shoulder of I-285 North, according to Cobb County police. An Atlanta police officer arrived and took custody of the driver, a 25-year-old Marietta woman. After she failed several field sobriety tests, she was arrested for DUI. The officer checked her purse and found a silver flask containing a liquid. The officer opened the flask and smelled alcohol. Once they got to jail, the woman agreed to a Breathalyzer test and blew about three times the legal limit for blood-alcohol level. Her purse was inventoried again, and police started to take the flask away. "Can I have that back?" the woman asked. "You already have me for DUI, so I might as well finish getting drunk, right?"

A NURSE AT FULTON MEDICAL HOSPITAL said an 84-year-old man with Alzheimer's disease arrived at the hospital showing signs of neglect. According to the police report, "[The elderly man] was wearing blue jeans that were so hard from dried urine they had to be cut off. [The elderly man] was wearing several pairs of socks that had been on for so long, when the nurse took them off, his toenails came off. [The elderly man] was very thin and had what looked like sores all over his lower body." The elderly man's primary caretaker is his 26-year-old daughter, police noted. The officer wrote, "[The daughter] said her father is room-bound and has not eaten in a couple of days. She said he has just been laying in bed." The officer tried to call Adult Protective Services, but it was after hours. A police report was filed.

THE MANAGER OF AN ELDERLY-care HIGH-RISE on Westlake Avenue reported a burglary. A tenant died recently and an announcement was made. After the death announcement, someone apparently broke into the apartment twice and stole a big-screen TV, a stereo and speakers. Police surmised that the perpetrator cut a hole in the drywall of a maintenance closet adjacent to the apartment. Once inside the closet, the perp cut another hole through the drywall and then opened the apartment door from the inside, police noted. Then, the perpetrator apparently covered the hole in the apartment with a magazine picture secured with maple syrup. No suspects.

A MAN said his ex-wife sold their home on Ozark Trail without telling him, or giving him time to move. A police report was filed.

A MAN WAS STABBED and lying on the ground on Auburn Avenue. Bystanders had used napkins to cover the right side of his chest. A police officer arrived and talked to the stabbing suspect, a gray-haired 65-year-old man. The officer asked: "What happened?" "I did nothing," the man replied. The officer asked again: "What happened?" The man replied, "He tried to take my liquor away from [sic]. And I wasn't going [sic] him take it from me!" A bystander gave the officer a knife that was allegedly used in the attack. Then the 65-year-old suspect said, "I stabbed him because he tried to take my liquor and I'm not going to have anyone fuck with my shit!" He went to jail. The stabbing victim was hospitalized in serious but stable condition, with a punctured lung.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

Mindspace 4/12/07

2007-04-12T11:58:00.000-04:00

Hopping Back on the ever moving....earth

Was it me or did the Reuters girls have nice new 'super strength' relaxers at the press conference?
I am bequeathing Mini-me to SANJAYA! Come on now, give him the credit, he was the only one who tackled actual spanish. I predict he makes it to the top four. Malinda better watch out - her deer caught in the headlights is starting to get old and she's losing audience.
I hope that someone besides me is sitting down and partaking of Roots with their kids courtesy of TV-One. We have been having some thought provoking conversations. Interesting, when I first saw it I was 10 and now looked at where we are in society and the thought process that 'it was a long time ago' - I have been able to quite efficiently talk about alot of topical issues in our community right from this movie. I am really digging TV-One right about now. Kudos to them!
Howard K Stern you are NOT the father! As if we didn't know this. Did you see his family, they have distinct features, this baby most certainly didn't come from that dark haired droopy eyed brood. Man I wish Anna were alive - so we could see this play out with her present. Poor Baby. Remember the saddest richest girl in the world (the daughter of that shipping heiress who killed herself) Dannilynn might want to give her a call when she gets old enough.
Tears flowed unchecked as I watched "Run's House" season premiere. I feel like they are a family I know. I LOVE this show.
Am I the only one waiting on this Fox show "Drive"? I am so intrigued by the premise and the clips so far. I hope it doesn't disappoint, because I quite enjoy the blood rush you get from Amazing Race and this looks like it might deliver that same volume.
I got a text in the middle of the Ocean "Tango won and proposed" Alrightyy then. As if, lol lol I haven't seen any interviews with NY discussing the status of their relationship.
RIP Roscoe Lee Brown. I had to think about what role stuck out the most for me and I remember him from that episode of Good Times where he played a preacher and old friend of James who wanted him to go on the road with him. James discovered he was a phony and cancelled out on it.
I respectfully applaud Obama's fundraising 'victory'. I'd like a concerted campaign to raise the same amount of money to be funneled back into our communities.
SIGH the whole Imus thing makes the back right side of my head hurt. See all the 'loose tongues' in my opinion, are because our personal in-house shame has been drug out to the front porch and now folks think it's the 'norm'. If a so-called 'serious' journalist feels free enough to converse with other men and say such things - what next - Ted Koppel using it? Far as I'm concerned, white folks have just waiting patiently until it got to the point where they can publicly start slipping in what was 'private' conversation. Because of our own dissention and inability to focus, they think it will just fade away. It's all so convuluted at this point. I was reading something where they were asking Black men to apologize to blackwomen - but in my opinion - black women should apologize to other black women for accepting such treatment. They have Klan Rallies and registration all the time - but we don't show up to that, so when Brothers started disrespecting us - we
should have just not showed up instead of lining up around the block for a TOKEN AND LUNCH. To have credit cards ran up our behinds. We all have a part in the whole spectrum of things.
Lawd knows I loves me some Beyonce, but I am SATURATED with her at this point. I want to see a 'janetesque' picture of her and soon, off on vacation about 20 pounds heavier and just RELAXING. Dang it girl! You KNOW you need a vacation! Can I start to say 'hmm wonder when B coming back?'
Why is Law and Order SVU so inconsistent these days. I hope the new episodes come back soon.
So all the plus size girls are off the show. I have to say though, the sista was beautiful but she could not 'model'. I want Tyra to pull her skirts down to like 1 inch above the knee - she was NOT sexy last nite in that mini-skirt! I want the other sista to win - the one with the baby. I like her and she's growing by leaps and bounds.

Vacation Mindspace 4/11/07

2007-04-11T10:42:00.000-04:00

Vacation Tales

HEY EVERYBODYYYYY!!!! Did cha miss me?! Alrightty then, lol My first day open enough to actually write something. I have caught up on most of my reading however, glad to see that all in all everyone doing well. I feel like I'm writing in a 'whisper' because my throat is a little raw - I guess sea air and cold ass air don't mix well. I hope I don't get sick. My body is going through some kinda breakdown as we speak and Monday my emotions were on edge - so it's good to be back and back to normal somewhat.

Did I not get those pictures up and out quickly. I'm obsesssed with that. Don't know why. We took about 300 pictures and I weeded them down to about 70 and I gave you all the top of the top. I might post another book, don't know. Hey check out that site however, that I posted them to SMILE BOX. Really cool site! Do something different than the usual with your pictures, it even has music!

Well, you know while away, I jotted down plenty of things to talk about. Then it just got to be too much. I took these last couple of days to kinda upload in my mind the highlights. Let the Tales Begin! (in no particular order)

Coming into New Orleans, even a couple of years later - we felt a 'somberness' as we came over the bridge and saw remnants of Katrina. From the damaged homes to the shell of Six Flags, the realization of being on the earth when this happened as well as it happening in our lifetime was humbling and we silently looked and paid our respects to the people of New Orleans.
People, I can honestly say after thinking it over, I have never been as drunk, as an adult, as I was in New Orleans! Whoo Lawd! You talking bout tore up. We arrived in New Orleans about 5, were on Bourbon Street about 6, I was damn near fall down drunk about 7:30! What in the world do they put in the drinks...UM LIQUOR! LOL LOL I can only do that damn city for one day. About 9 CAUN escorted me back to the hotel for a nap. We woke up about 1am and hit Bourbon Street again and it was still on and poppin and this was an OFF NIGHT. We were coasting into Easter week people this wasn't no mardi gras. I wouldn't have survived that, lol Around 4am we ended up at a Gay 24 hour diner eating grilled cheese and chili dogs. What a freaking night!
Why must we always have evidence of our debauchery, lol The actual text message I sent "Janet" exactly as it was written: on bourbon street rocking my bead and on my second tequila sunrise in the big cup. now I am drinking cranberry adn avsolut. Ilove new orleans and and vsvr wair tivsee rhesvlics sex. CLASSIC! Don't ask me what the hell I was talking about.
CAUN and I had a bet that he would see someone he knew during this trip. Every where we go, he knows someone. Well we were standing in a store in Costa Maya Mexico and this woman was commenting on this VERY nice water cooler set. CAUN did as well, they look at each other and lo and behold - they knew each other! They worked together. She was on another boat. So I won the bet, but then we were walking out of the Stardust Lounge on our ship and this woman who was escorting her even older mother stepped to me and said "Are you Stormeka?" You talking about us falling out laughing. She was like "I recognize you from a cruise site by your hairstyle" So I won double or nothing cause this middle aged keebler recognized me by my more obscure screen name, lol lol
I was trying to look out the cabin window and the curtain was stuck. So I yanked it and it came down half way. I grabbed my bag and jokingly told CAUN I was about to jet - in the middle of laughing the 'announcement' bong sounded and suddenly there was a voice in our room. I screamed, burst out in tears and tried to run out the cabin and leave him there! It was hilarious! He was like 'you aint no super hero you a punk,lol' we still laughing about that one.
Did you really say you got a cab to take you to get some Belizian Coochie? (some other passengers) Lawd have mercy! When on the customs form they ask, have you been exposed to any disease - please put down - give me 30 days and I'm sure I'll be brewing something or the other.
We didn’t get college spring breakers, we got Senior Trippers. I saw the littlest people march through several times and it looked like they were having fun. The say 10-13 year olds were hanging out doing the ‘tween’ thing. Lawd, maybe it’s a cultural thang – but I have never seen so many young adults having permission, being supported and encouraged in….DRINKING! I can’t really believe that all of those Seniors were 18 and even then 18 is a good three years away from 21. We saw some kids who were never without a drink. At the beach they also were knee deep in harder libations as well. They were not unruly, but my momma and I would not be sitting down having a drink of anything together at 18.
We did find it kinda disturbing that they constantly took over the night club every night. All that simulated sex every single night became disturbing. Girl on Girl, Two boys on Girl – all the girls should know they toes intimately, because that’s all they saw bent over all night. Just back the fuck up on the dance floor and whomever attaches to your ass - that's where you'll be. Yea I know the times dictate what they dicate, but class and decency are continuous.
The food was good. I am an Indian Food Fanatic – the vegetarian cuisine for the week was...Indian food, so having a choice of some Indian Food Dish for Seven Days sealed it for me! We ate in the main dining area twice, we ate at East meets West once (the speciality steak house), and the sports deck once. We ordered room service several times. The food in the Buffet was good most days and nights. If you have been to Golden Corral or Picadilly then there you have it. I did find that sometimes it was soo hot under the covers that you almost got 3rd degree burns trying to get your food. There was always enough and enough choices for everyone. THE FRIED CHICKEN SUCKED! Either get some Southerns back there or take it off the menu. My husband ate so many freaking hamburgers w/oinions and mushrooms – I thought he was going to start moo’ing.
The Blacks - well first of all, why must we always take the stance that once we move to another level, we've arrived? I saw plenty of that on the ship. It took us several more days than keeblers to feel each other out. Some of us never felt each other out. That's cool. I have found that on average it takes us 72 hours to decide whether or not we are going to be social with one another if we are spending more than $100, lol lol Once we do however, it's on and poppin and we had a great time with the crew we hung with. We exchanged emails etc. and I have some additonal pictures to send to a couple of folks.
Um the workers on board the ship and the people indigeious to the ports ARE NOT SLAVES and shouldn't be treated that way. Why the nasty attitude and tone of voice when speaking to them? Why do you purposely go out of your way to be more nastier than you usually are? Why do you talk these people down to pennies on the dollar for their wares?
The ship was great - the programs were entertaining and it was VERY clean. As always you gotta love the Captain and his all the way pimp voice, lol Looked forward to hearing him speak daily. Norwegian is a freestyle Cruise which means no set times when it came to eating. Eat when you want. The whole ship had this 'resort' feel to it. Folks were on RELAX mode. We are going on NCL again, CAUN is convinced it's the only ship to travel on, lol
Dean Koonz, How To Books, School Books and then there was me and...Thugalicious! Got many stares, lol
Ahh yes my 6 litres of booze. Finally getting my bar up and running like I wanted to!
Costa Maya – We had a good day, taking the advice of fellow cruise critic members, we had booked time at Tequila Beach. It was simple to get there and we had a good time. The beach was rocky at the shore and I darn near screamed! I had to wear my flip flops but once out there the water was inviting. The beach wasn’t over crowded and we didn’t feel bombarded by the peddlers. When we went for a walk into the town, I was glad I was with my husband, because you were bombarded! I didn’t feel unsafe but I felt safer because folks were pushing up on you with their wares and services. We had a good port visit.
Santo De Tomas – We should have booked an excursion. We went to the port shops and that’s about it. We got back on the boat after about an hour and just chilled out. We did LOVE the send off and I’m determined to have that recreated when I get home from work (laugh). We knew there was something just over the horizon, but we found that the taxi services were about the ‘tours’ and just wouldn’t take us to town and that be it.
Belize – (Tendered in uneventful – that boat was flying) We had booked a tour but it got cancelled so we decided to wing it. We had a nice time in Belize. I bought my liquors there (smile) and we had some GREAT food. I also partook of the pocketbook availability and was quite pleased with what I brought home. It was HOT! Lawd, was it HOT! To me the hottest port we went to.
Cozumel – (Tendered in uneventful) Quite ‘Americanized’ and bustling when we got off the ship – we rented a VW and took off. This was our best time. Just us in the wind! We enjoyed the drive. We stopped at Paradise beach. Whew it was crowded. The water was rough and choppy, so no wave runners were being rented. It was just too crowded to really enjoy. On the other side of the Island however, some great beaches!! Several ships were there and we got to see all kinds of folks. Cozumel was straight bustling. We liked it.
The best time? We rented the VW convertible ($55/day) and just drove the entire island of Cozumel. Talking bout fun?! It was just in the wind and it felt good. The very best time? The fact that CAUN and I spent all that time together and it was just one lonnnng groove!
Some Future Improvements: Can we get one more channel on the TV via satellite or something!! VH-1 Cruise? HBO (laugh)?Can we get a punch or lemonade type drink as a ‘free drink’? Can we rent DVD players for the trip? Can we get a frequent drinkers card or something – get it punched and then get ½ off on the last day or something? Can we get some over 25 nights in the nightclubs?

So there you have it. We had a BALLL!! We already have the next cruise picked out and we will be taking Mini-me with us. I am now QUITE curious about one of the all black cruises. Lawd I might not survive that - if everything is geared towards our people. Well let me get back to the here and now. Tomorrow, I must get caught up on all the stuff that has went on while I was gone in the pop culture and political world. Whew, I might be late but I gotta comment!

Look to the RIGHT and I have listed a ton of sites for vacationing and what not for African Americans. Enjoy!

Vacation Mindspace 4/10/07

2007-04-09T21:26:00.000-04:00

The Visuals

Make your own | Click to play

Vacation Mindspace 4/9/07

2007-04-09T07:27:00.000-04:00

We're Back!

STAY TUNED!

Mindspace 3/31/07

2007-03-31T04:20:00.000-04:00

BON VOYAGE!

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

Mindspace 3/30/07

2007-03-30T08:19:00.000-04:00

Friday Fandango

(Picture Approved for Posting by Caun)

Awww Sooky Sooky Nah! Pamalicious don broke out her sassiness cause today good people is Friday and the last day before I officially am ON VACATION!!

My top priority at this moment is getting the hell away from this pollen! DAYUM! Caun has washed the truck every day (he's such a good man) to try to help a sista. I don't even have allergies like that, but when it's like three inches thick on everything - you will be affected. I came outside yesterday after work and inhaled and a clunk just got stuck in my throat. I had to damn near rip my contacts out and my throat is just sore! Take me away!

Admist all the choking, I did complete packing and in true Men are from Mars Women are from Venus mode..

CAUN's Luggage for a 8 day trip.

Stormeka's Luggage for the same trip, lol

Amazing! Mini-me is off on a 7am flight and we hit the road to New Orleans shortly thereafter. Boarding the Norweigian Sun on Sunday.

The hair is looking hellaciously cute:

Got me the Vacation Reading Material:

And I gots me a bit of color pre-trip so it's all good. I intend to be in the bed no later than 9:30 this evening since we got to get up at the crack of dawn to see Mini-me off.

So I want everyone to enjoy their weekend and upcoming week. If this represents Spring Break for you - Definately get out and do something! If not hold down the fort. Unlike at the wedding, the internet will not be a part of this trip. So this is my 'official' last entry until Sunday, April 8th.

Ya'll keep it gangsta!!!

Mindspace 3/29/07

2007-03-29T08:10:00.000-04:00

Thursday Throwback

Originally Blogged 3/06

14 going on 40

Blog Musical Mood: Dreamin - Vanessa Williams

What it be people?! I saw a piece of that movie 13 Going On 30 and thought I would do a play on that - by posting some actual diary entries from when I was....14. Of course I have all my journals from 14 to present ( now isn't that gonna be off the chain at my demise?). So let's look into the world of Pamalicious when she was 14 (In no particular order) - believe you me the psychosis started EARLY!!

March 16, 1981

Dear Diary,

I had a wonderful time. I went to the movies with T. We had a great time. When we got home he kissed me about twenty times. It was soo romantic. I guess I better go!

March 21, 1981

Dear Diary,

On I am so sad! at the last minute my mother changed her mind of all the things. I guess I"ll call T. and tell him I can't go. I know he will be upset.

March 22, 1981

Dear Diary,

Boy am I mad. I called T. and he had just talked to Z. and I told him and he said "well I'll bring you something back". I am so mad at my mother. She gets on my last nerve. She's always ruining my plans. I don't know why she doesn't trust me. If I wanted to do something, I would have been done soemthing.

March 27, 1981

Dear Diary,

Today T and I got into an argument and I slapped him. I coudl tell he was mad, because he didn't say anything to me the rest of the evening. We have not kissed each other in 10 days and I guess we won't now - since I slapped him.

March 28, 1981

Dear Diary,

I know why we aren't kissing - he said I was on punishment. He said I had a month to go for the slap incident. We were talking on the phone and he goes "you gon give me a date?" and I asked, What date?" and he said "to have sex" and "you know I don't do that kinda stuff, I'm not ready for all that" He goes, "Ok Love I can wait" I'm so confused I like him alot, but I'm just 14 and I don't want to be one of 'those type of girls'. I'll just have to explain that to him and probably he'll find himself another girlfriend. Oh well.....

April 7, 1981

Dear Diary,

T. was very upset with me today, He didn't say as much as hello to me, he igged me today like I didn't exist. He never walks me home anymore. He did have on the tightest jeans today. I should tell him that he could go sterile wearing those tight jeans...hmmm then I could have sex with him because I wouldn't get pregnant Laugh Laugh Laugh.

April 19, 1981

Dear Diary,

I went to six flags today. It was fun, I had a goodtime. We left about 12:00a.m. and came back about 11:00pm. We had a good ass time.

May 1, 1981

Dear Diary,

Well it's over. T and I broke up today. It's a very long story and I actually don't feel like talking about it.

May 20, 1981

Dear Diary,

I'm on Goddamn Punishment! Ain't that a bitch?! However, I did see K.L. at school - he sure was looking good.

June 13, 1981

Dear Diary,

What a day - I need to cuss, damn, shit pussy face, bitch two time motherfucka, hoe, hussy, heifer. Oh I can't think of nothign else right now. I feel better already. My life is no way where I need it to be. Maybe I'll leave home. I got six dollars...

August 17, 1981

Dear Diary,

This was my lucky day. I went to the laundrymatt and the cutest boy ever came in. I liked to died, then I went to the Omni and saw 50 to 60 boys! Not one of them ugly! DAMN!

September 8, 1981

Dear Diary,

I haven't written in awhile. Well I'm in love again. His name is K.L. and you should see him. He's tops, dark, tall and very very very ditto thirty times cute or should I say handsome. He might be my future husband.

October 4, 1981

Dear Diary,

I got me some nice Gloria Vanderbilts friday. I will wear them Monday. I asked my mom about going to the homecoming dance and she talking about chaperones and shit. I won't go. I don't want my mom there!

K.L. and I cut 1st and 3rd period together and hung out. I had so much fun, he came to my locker with me and then we just hung out where the cutters hang.

December 27, 1981

Dear Dairy,

Oh wow I met today the finest boy I've ever seen. I mean it, I told him he was fine, couldn't help it. He's a 10,000 in my book. Fine beyond comparision. He's a transfer. I saw him in the hall and he saw me too. He walked up beside me and his hand brushed my thigh and I thought I had an orgasm. We stood at the lockers talking and when he left he said so sexy "Bye Pam" Whew!

January 3, 1982

Dear Diary,

today I went to see Switch and The Barkays at the skating rink. I had a ball. There were so many fine boys it was pitiful. Tomorrow I'm spending the night over P. house and that should be fun. We've changed our names and adopted celebrity names. Mine is Walanda and Her's is Monique.

So people - do you see a reoccuring theme?! Good Grief! I'll see about posting some more entries from other periods of my life - I've had fun reaching back.

Mental Mindspace 3/28/07

2007-03-28T13:29:00.000-04:00

The Evolution of Sanjaya

Ok, I just needed to go somewhere else in my head for a moment dayum!

Alrighty - I got home and immediately went to my taping of American Idol. Imagine my surprise and...delight at the manchild that is Sanjaya, lol. At first I thought this was like six levels of hot mess,but as time has worn on, I have gotten aboard the express train that is known as Sanjaya.

I mean he's trumped William Hung AND he's brought back so many fond memories of El Debarge (let me clarify that - El Debarge can SANG, however his whole persona has been jacked by this boy here).

Let's be honest, we have seen either on TV or courtesy of You Tube PROFESSIONAL singers with songs out on the charts who sound this bad if not worse and I gotta applaud ole boy for seemingly taking the bull by the horns and enjoying his time on television.

American Idol is not going to suffer from this one bit, seeing as one of the very judges got over with a less than stellar voice they damn selves. Who are we kidding? If the industry itself was full of Jeffrey Osbornes, Al Greene's and Sam Cooke's then this would be a travestry - but it ain't.

Everybody, including him and his momma know he is not going to win and I give him about two more weeks, but a couple of things is starting to happen: (1) It has shook the contestants who are taking this seriously and they now fucking up and (2) He is growing and evolving. If he comes away with the ability to hold a solid note for his College Theatre Musical then HOORAY FOR SANJAYA! He getting tons of young gals falling at his feet, he getting press and he gets to be on TV - SHIT ain't THAT The American Dream?!

So Sing on Sanjaya and milk it for what it's worth! I am praying daily that they actually bring El on and they do a duet - Lawd I would fall cold out!!!

Mindspace 3/28/07

2007-03-28T08:20:00.000-04:00

100

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARY!

Hey people! The sun is still shining! Week is busy, Life is good - I can't complain. Breaking in some shoes for the trip today - don't want any blisters. Went to toast my girl Mary's B'day last evening for a little while. Club Applebee's (those in Atlanta guess where that is located) was off tha chain! My people! My people! Try the Apple Sangria - a little more wine and it would be to die for. Mind just a whirling what next? what next? How bout a Cinco de Mayo party (it's on Saturday this year). I'll call it "I've Got Five On It"!! Yeaaaa! Backflips and other acrobatics have caused a cease and desist until we get on vacation - keep taking my mind off what I need to do! School work while sitting in the braid chair tonite - time is a ticking and I actually screamed in the mirror this morning because I'm so excited!

Was going through my files and found this - the ole 100 Things about Me.....

100 Things About Me*

My middle name is Darlena (had it legally dropped)
I type about 85 wpm on a good day
I enjoy a nice bowl of frosted flakes w/ice cold milk
I ‘eat’ w/a spoon rather than drink chocolate milk
I use old T-shirts as hankerchiefs, Kleenex irritates my nose
I have every journal I’ve ever kept since I was 13 yrs old
I have four volumes of my life with Michael Jackson
I enjoy watching & reading porn
I relax under my daughters baby blanket
I grew up w/a polygamous Father
I was a prom night conception
I still will play with my daughters dolls when she’s asleep
I really wish I would have went to Spelman and pledged Delta
My favorite Author is Beverly Jenkins
I have stolen money before in my lifetime
I have never had sex in a car before
I’ve only been in love once in my life & not with my late husband
I lived in Central America for a year as a child
I freeze bubble gum and chew it later
I wanted to be Isis when I was nine
My favorite food in the whole world is chicken
I’ve never ever tasted a piece of pork
I don’t know how to play spades, bid widst,solitaire
I still like kickball
The only white men I find remotely attractive is Brad Pitt & Sean Connery
I wish I had Beyonce’s Body
I spoke with Janet Jackson on the phone when my mom worked for her
I let loose to Miami Bass Music
In my alter ego life I’m a stripper
I want to publish an all male nude magazine for women
I subscribe to over 8 magazines and counting
One of my bad habits is chewing rubber bands
I am fascinated with gay culture
I like men more than women
I can’t fight
I can be stingy sometimes
I don’t cry very easily
I don’t like a lot of sweets
I curse like a sailor sometimes
I don’t think I can get pregnant again
My favorite color is anything earth tones
I wear too much brown and black
I am frightened of snakes, spiders and snails
I cried the first time I went to Disney World because it was just like the commercial
I was a virgin throughout High School
I wanted to be a housewife
I don’t like shopping
I always miss the ‘hookup’
I’ve never been to jail
I have not so good credit
I started driving when I was 28 years old
I wish I knew how to dance professionally
I daydream a lot
I made up an entire different family for myself when I was little
I played with dolls until I was 14 years old
I wouldn’t mind being a hair dresser
My favorite Ice Cream is Maple Walnut
Sunday Mornings are my favorite time of the week
I love fake big jewelry
I used to ride shotgun on a motorcycle all the time
The best time of my life was 15-19 years of age
I don’t know how to run – I always fall
I’m near sighted
I’m left handed
I’ve never had a broken bone
When I was 16 I talked on the phone a whole weekend never hanging up
I’m not to keen on people in general – I get bored with them
I want to run naked in the rain
I’d love to get an RV and just live in it wherever I wanted to
I HATE working
I still giggle and blush
I can’t swim
I haven’t been on an adult vacation in over 8 years
I’ve never been out to the west coast
I enjoy taking nice road trips
Gone with Wind is one of my favorite movies – I’m Scarlett complete w/slaves
My Paternal Grandfather was a Spy for Cuba
My Mom is a famous writer
I have two incomplete (maybe 3) manuscripts
My girlfriend and I want our own radio show
I’ve never cheated on a man
Watching the Iron man Competition makes me cry
I’m usually late
A picture of Michael Jackson back in the day is my screen saver at home
I faint everytime I see him (Mike) perform (even on TV)
I’m a deep well of non-important information
I don’t like talking religion, politics etc.
I’ve never been on vacation by myself
I’ve never had a one nite stand

*If it's bolded this has changed

Mindspace 3/27/07

2007-03-27T08:28:00.000-04:00

Save As

Hebrew Slave ova here! DAYUM! I am in crunch time and though it gets the adreline going, it also makes me want to just shut down and go off, those who have been reading me for awhile however, know that this is me, so just let me act as if the world is coming to an end, lol lol

Yesterday I had some phishing come in through the messenger (sorry everybody) and so I took a moment and deleted, changed passwords, defragmented and cleaned out my job computer. While I was doing this - I decided to go through and delete alot of my pictures. As I was looking through, I had to laugh at the volume that I had and probably everyone else has on their computers. Things folks have sent, funny stuff you saw on the internet and damn those forwards from someone far away. So today I thought that I'd post some of my favorites found in the archives. Yea you might have seen them, but boy I tell yah! Enjoy!

Pictorial Mindspace 3/26/07

2007-03-26T13:37:00.000-04:00

I Remember Yesterday

Ok I am NOT a fan of ole slickback here. Once Crunk labeled him this, it has stuck. I mean I like his acting, but there is just something that doesn't do it for me in the looks and style department. But Lo and Behold, I'm being transported back to my youth, because I am FEELING his Brother Sweetback. Whew Lawd! Talk about that whole classic light skinned look. Man, he needs to take the 'bring light skin back' by the reigns and ride off into the sunset. I feel like I need to paste this in my locker somewhere!

(Taken from Crunk & Disorderly)

Mindspace 3/26/07

2007-03-26T13:27:00.000-04:00

Monday Musing

LET THE SUNSHINE IN! LET THE SUNSHINE IN! THE SUNSHINE INNNNN! Thank you God for the sun! Howdy folks! I hope that everywhere there was some sun to enjoy for you. It was in the mid to upper 80's all weekend in the HOTLANTA (finally time to bring that word out) and we were loving it! I didn't even mind the nakedness, we were all just basking and coming alive from the nourishment of the sun.

I was in a "I'm so thankful" mode all weekend. Most of it was introspective, but really, I am not the best when it comes to Religion itself and the rigors of it, but I am a believer in God and that He is the one who makes it all possible. Having said that, I was quite humbled this weekend as I looked at my life in it's totality as well as currently. I am so blessed! As we moved about, doing our thang, together and separately that I was just happy. I know that the saying is that 'you're happy' in advance, but I personally don't necessarily believe that. I think that I am now happily satisfied. I have been a somewhat happy person, but I am satisfied with my life right now and thus the happiness feels new and different. For anyone who has stress and strife and drama and pain in their lives, I send a hug your way. There is so much peace on the otherside, work hard to get there...

Friday was 'Janets' birthday and so I set out to get her a gift. She is a small woman 4'11 and wears a 5 1/2 shoe. She loves shoes but sometimes it's hard to find those little sizes. I remember that we were at a store and they had about 5 or 6 styles in her size and she got excited but purchased none. So that was my goal to get her a pair of shoes, lol Well I went over there and why were they having a clearance and they were all at dirt cheap prices!
So I bought her every style they had in her size and then the idea grew with it being close to easter and all and before you know it - THIS was what she ended up getting.

The shoes along with some glasses, some shot glasses, a friend frame and some other little knick knacks all wrapped and presented easter basket style. She was delirious with happiness (and the six drinks she had before we got there, lol) She changed clothes to put on one of the pairs and we were off to the bar. Mannn I can't even front, I have been an honorary member of the 'married couples' club for awhile due to the fact that I mostly hang in my social life with married women but to now be a card carrying member...SWEET! It is just a nice vibe, maybe because the folks I hang with are just stellar people and we all just groove really nicely. All I can say about Janet's Birthday is that it involved alot of drinks in TUMBLERS, she wore a flashing tiara and we were all very glad that CAUN is a non-drinker, lol lol

The rest of the weekend was just about getting out in the sun. Trips downtown and to the park to do a bit of basking. Watching the kids run through the Olympic Ring Sprinklers, sitting outside the house, taking a walk through Underground and enjoying the human sites. My people! My people!

I have a busy week this week, you know how it is before you go on vacation. My top priority is wrapping up this class, so you might see me on more in the evenings this week than I have been lately.

I won't even begin to start in on the whole cruise thing, acting like I ain't neva been nowhere, lol. Ya'll can see the countdown clock at the right and deduce how insane I am right about now, lol I am worried however about folks that keep falling OFF the damn ships. I think I'll just peek over IF that, lol Operation smuggle booze is in effect as well. Anyone who has any tips - send em on. Liquor is wayy to high on the ship. Yes I went and checked the weather forecast at each port and New Orleans. I know I know, lol lol

That couple thing is kicking in again - CAUN just told me a good friend of his and his wife want us to go to Italy with them late next summer! Lawd have mercy - thank you for giving me something else to plan. Where are my lists, lol lol

Well it's taken me since 8:25 this morning to find the space to get this thing posted, so let me go.

OHHH one more thing. I have been real janky about Drippin Chocolate. I can't do any 'research' at work due to the nature of the site, so it fell by the wayside, but with spring nipping at our heels like it has been, I had to get back on IT! Sooo - We are back up and running and this week is super special to make amends with you ladies:

VIDEOS LADIES - WE GOT VIDEOS!

So come on over to DRIPPIN CHOCOLATE and enjoy!

Mindspace 3/23/07

2007-03-23T09:03:00.000-04:00

Friday Fandango

Thought I’d start this Friday out in grand form! Thanks for reading this week! I know I have been wordy lately and I see another week of it, so hunker down cause it’s coming! This weekend is not that busy, wasn’t overdrawn at the bank, packing for the trip cause I can’t stand it anymore, changing my wall paper to a picture of the ship AND

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ‘JANET’

Yea I saw the tape. Wasn’t overly impressed. I definitely think that this was a planned taping, yet I don’t know if they wanted it to get out. What a boring woman she is. I know sistas who are tighter and more sexy and even on the ‘private’ tip get into it. She was just laying there with the “I’m so cute you should be glad that I let you hit it look” I know that if the adventures of Pamalicious were to ever get that crunk, I would be all about the skills and not the looks. I want folks to be like DAYUM she was rocking that negro, lol lol So okay, I think that at this point she can only mess with the well endowed, because anyone else would develop a complex falling into that cave. Ray J made one eyebrow raise, but he still short and that whole crook thing never was attractive to me. Aim Straight! Always reminds me of an extender or something, lol. I guess ultimately there is a two prong thing here – (1) Brandy is hella glad the spotlight is off of her and (2) wouldn’t you want to hear that conversation warning Mama Norwood about this….
Why I love the internet! (courtesy of A HOT MESS). Sanjaya aka Strange’, in my house. Gotta love him! Visions of “Rhythm of the Night” dance in my head every time I see him. Go ahead and embrace your inner El Boy! CAUN is convinced that Stepfanie got offered a contract and threw last week. I say that some folks enjoy singing for friends, family and church but just don’t ‘feel’ it like that. That was her. They had to drag her to audition to begin with. Folks think if you have an entertainment type talent, you a fool not to pursue it, what is she also is good in Science and wants to be a Chemist. Give me a break! It ain’t nothing but sanging!
TV-one captures my attention, at least they are TRYING to have programming. This should be interesting (courtesy of Brownsista)Tamara Johnson-George, better known to the world as Taj of the r&b singing group SWV, is set to star alongside her husband Eddie George in I Married A Baller- a new reality series set to air on TV One.Viewers will get to follow her as she travels around the country to meet the demands of her busy schedule, which include performing with the recently reunited SWV, going to cosmetology school and attending functions with her husband - all while being a mom
I finally had a chance to listen to the words of “My Songs” by Gerald Levert. It moved me. That is a nice song! I need to go preview the entire CD.
It’s been beautiful weather here and I’ve had the top back, shades on vibe going on through the city. Well you know that requires music and I have to tell you – nothing modern even fits spring time. The music is too erratic and what not. What happened to just smooth grooves that you can vibe to that don’t take away from the moment. I immediately put on some Stevie and EWF. THAT is spring time music children.
Rob and Amber have been eliminated already! Myrna and Smyrna came in first! Amazing Race continues to be the absolute best (outside of that family edition).
Deal or No Deal is going to cause me to have a heart attack! That show is just too much but I love it. The day that man was on there and ended up with $10 because he was greedy cause me to start to hyperventilate. The cruise has the newlywed game, deal or no deal and something else. I intend to play some of it…
Speaking of cruise, as usual, I jumped in feet first to a message board and had to burst a pimple last evening. Some broad come on board talking bout why is this particular cruise line so ghetto. They all went into some – conversation unbecoming of an area where you don’t know who might be there. So I had to check it. Then she comes with a definition of ‘Ghetto’ that included some outdated stuff that everyone and their momma’s knows in 2007 has nothing to do with WHO YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN SOMEONE SAYS GHETTO. Laying low – cause sometimes I can’t play well with others, lol
The pictures were Great on ANTM this week. I knew they had to get rid of ‘peace and blessing’ can’t have any of THAT on a reality show, lol lol I still have not attached myself to anyone.
Is it a conspiracy to only have about two radio stations available to you in office buildings. I need to start listening online but the nature of my job requires that I don’t really have on earplugs – so I’m stuck
Teacher got to much time on her hands this class. I don’t even have the bandwidth for this kinda scrutiny – so pray for me, cause I see a very low B or C coming, but then again, I may pull it out – let me not set myself up to fail.
I’m averaging like 2-3 new blogs a week! The blogsphere is taking over my life! But I love it! Ya’ll keep writing!

Well, I’ll end it in the fashion that it began – with some ole flagrant foul ish……

SCREECH! STOP THE PRESSES!
THIS JUST COMING IN FROM ALL PARTS HORRIFIC!
PROM TIME IS ON THE HORIZON!

I think I just lost 2% of my eyesight on this mess!

(courtesy of Hot Ghetto Mess)

Unexplained Mindspace 3/23/07

2007-03-22T19:57:00.000-04:00

Builder "Bob"

I'm not sure why CAUN must dress like a member of the Village people to cook dinner, but I give him his space. Babe the meatballs, rice and broccoli were Delish - now take that hat off, next time I want yah naked!

Mindspace 3/22/07

2007-03-22T11:44:00.000-04:00

Thursday Throwback

Originally written February, 2006

NOTE: Since the writing of this - there has been no communication. I have a definite address etc. and sent wedding announcements etc. I had this crazy idea that maybe just maybe he would reach out for that. But no - After the wedding, I spoke to another brother and let him know that I was through. I have to just let go and let GOD.

O Brother Where Art Thou

The other day I got an email from one of my brothers. It always amazes me that he actually is able to maneuver the information highway, even if it is to send me a picture of a woman being violated by a horse (insert appropriate facial and vocal response). However, the thing I noticed more than that was on several emails, there was an address that was familiar, that of my older brother. Yep I have an older brother. One I haven't spoken to in um 7 or so years if not longer. I wonder if this was his actual email address. I had written it before to no response. I've sent mail thru traditional means to no avail. What happened you ask? Well in a nutshell - he and I were very very close coming up, he was my bonafide hero. I looked up to him and was very protective of his well being as he was mine.

A series of things began to happen that basically fucked with his psyche. I've talked before about the fact that I believe the theory that Mike J. was just sensitive and wasn't able to take what maybe another person could. I have a great amount to fortitude about some things, but apparently my brother did not. Around this time, he also met a series of women who did NOT have his best interest at heart. I spoke to him about this situation, but as we know affairs of the heart can break up the closest folks.

I remember exactly what went down. I was visiting his home. His wife at the time was point blank nasty. I was amazed (especially coming from the 'Man is King' upbringing he came from) how he was so submissive to the idea that he should work 60+ hours a week then come home where a stay at home wife has done NOTHING. The final straw was, the strips from the sanitary napkin laying exposed on the dresser. I got home and spoke to him about it and he went and told her what I said. She effectively banned me from coming to her home and speaking to him and surprisingly he went with that. As a matter of fact, it got to the point that he stopped speaking to everyone in the family and outside of his very recent communication (though VERY stilted) with his mother - we don't hear from him. Not a hello, how yah doing?, Wha I got a nieces and nephews - - nothing.

In the beginning I was very tortured about this and was very angry, then the anger turned to self because maybe I should have never said anything, then it just became I'll resolve this within myself and move on with life. Which is where I am at now. He's not even with the woman anymore - so that's a mute point. I would think, especially after all these years and after I have offered olive branch after olive branch - he would maybe make contact.

What is the kicker of all this - he has an ex girlfriend from many moons ago - that in the meantime in between time he has maintained a friendship with that spans over 20 years now. She has access to him and guards it like it's the answer to world peace or something. A couple of times important family information needed to get to him (regardless of his response) and I've had to go through her to get it to him. I no longer even ask for his information anymore. I have always found that situation the most fustrating of all. She and I are friends as well, but she's loyal to him like I've never seen folks be loyal.

So there you have it. I think about him often - what does he look like? Is he taking care of himself? Has he found any peace in his life yet? I would like to tell him about how I'm doing, have him see his niece - you know stuff like that. I don't even know his last three children at all, never even seen a picture of them (but then again neither has his own momma).

If I were to talk to him, I think I would really have to swallow deeply because yes my first inclination is to cuss him slam the fuck out. However, I won't...I just wanna say how are you my brother?

Mindspace 3/21/07

2007-03-21T09:51:00.000-04:00

That Thing Called Friendship

I was going to speak on something else this morning, but then I had an episode that caused me to switch gears.

I can remember when I was around 10 or so, I was sitting outside my step mothers house looking across the street. These three girls were having soo much fun and I was so afraid being the new kid on the block to cross the street. Well she sat next to me and said "If you don't go over there and introduce yourself, you will get a spanking" LOL LOL So I marched my little behind right over there and that walk began the crux for most of my childhood! You talking about friendship. Lawd have mercy! It was deep, it was real, it was valid.

We all are interesting characters and all possess certain issues that are unique to us. When it comes to female friendships, my stance is that in actuality I am not but so keen on having alot of women around me. I've never felt comfortable with the mindset of most black women when it came to certain things - so if I find someone who I can identify with then it's on. Now being 'social' I turn out to have alot of females in my presence, lol What a paradox. However, there are VERY few people that I call friends. Because of my stance - when I do have a friendship it is pivital in my life and means something to me.

At one time, I said I didn't have any 'best' friends, because I wanted everyone to have equal billing, my philosophy was that all of my 'friends' are like spokes in a wheel and they all contribute to keep me moving. I knew who to call when I needed a particular kind of answer/advice/friendship and who to call when I need some 'tough love'. In actuality I can name who I consider 'friends' on one hand and that has now morphed into my new philosophy. My friends are like my hand and as my fingers have different lenghts so do the scope of our friendship. Therefore based on my longest finger, I do have a best friend.

Now to my deficit, I am crunk most of the time, an attention whore and like to be the leader of the friendships, lol As well as I am reactionary and if you catch me on the wrong day - I will cancel.

Not to long ago, I abruptly cut a 'friend' off because she just proved to not be loyal. Erased and blocked emails and all kinds of stuff. Do NOT ever contact me again for any reason. At the same time - there was a brewing with another friend that was coming across as 'hate' and though this is probably flawed with my 'in your face' type manner; if I see that you are not able to handle my positivity and it begins to manifest itself in (as perceived by me) a negative sense - then I gots to do something about it. Well this morning it bubbled over and stained my nice beige dress pants so I am officially downgrading that to someone I used to know. Here was a female that was on all my information as who to contact in case of emergency. I have already changed all of that to reflect my husband, but still.....and sometimes it's just one line with me.

Conversation kinda stilted she tells me about her family and then asks about mine. I tell her about mine. Spring break coming up conversation on that, then discussion about the kids, say good news about SAT and mines which is followed by: "That's cool for when we were back in school, but isn't the highest like 2400 now" (WTF?!) We move on, then more plans about families and spring break plans their vacation and then my vacation and then "Well you have fun on your little vacation" (WTF?!). Dammit it don got on my pants!

So another one bites the dust. Yea I know I can be 'alot', Yea I know the 'tone' of my voice and the excitement and the way I am ALWAYS talking can sometimes overshadow what you got going on - but my position on that is jump in where you fit in. If you let me take the reigns I am comfortable but to be more comfortable - you get in there and bat it back and forth with me. However, I enjoy a certain personality around me to enter the inner sanctum of friendship with me and if it becomes convuluted then you get demoted, that's just how it is with me.

I am a magnet for folks, yet I keep running farther and farther away so you won't get caught up in my magnetism, lol lol

I sometimes wonder will I miss the development of new friendships with men. Blackmen are fascinating creatures and I have always been drawn to their spirit. I can have a friendship with a man and even if the reality is that on the man's part it started out as an attempt to get the licious - I can deftly swing us in another direction, he don't even know what happened and we can continue on, LOL. I won't be fostering any new relationships with men due to the fact that I am married and respect my husband. I have a few core 'online' friends that mean the world to me and they will continue to be my friend. they ain't going nowhere, lol

So I guess I have rambled along this morning about this because ultimately this is a sad day for me - downgrading a person I've known for so long and have been through some major things in my life with including the murder of my first husband. However, life goes on.

The Five Fingers of death I have now - do it for me. My 'longest finger' is my GURL and I hold her in the upmost and highest respect in my life and in my heart. I love her - she's the younger sister I have never had (despite having 4 younger sisters) - yet she is my equal. I purposely nuture and take care of this relationship because it means alot to me. All of my 'fingers' are important to me - however, I have found that where I am in my life and the age etc. that I do well with the five and actually am not auditioning for anymore friends at this time. I have a full life, full of all kinds of people in all facets of their lives and they all have a place in mine - for someone who has been accused of being a loner - I have PEOPLE!! LOL LOL

Mindspace 3/20/07

2007-03-20T11:13:00.000-04:00

Dream A Little Dream

It is the first day of spring - It will be about 73 degrees today - It is my two month Anniversary - Most of the office is out of town - TODAY IS A GOOD DAY!!!

Spring is one of my favorite times of year and because of this, I tend to go into daydreaming mode more than usual. My mind is just a flutter. Most of it is surrounding the cruise and how much fun we are going to have, some on the summer in general and BBQ's, going out with friends and chillin and then some on those things that you just kinda dream about.

This morning the dream of choice was:

WINNING THE LOTTERY!

Some of the best late night conversations between CAUN and some of the best to myself convo's have revolved around that elusive lottery drawing. We had to of course adjust our plans to accommodate each other, but it oh so much fun spelling it all out.

I laugh because the last conversation we had was about whether or not you can have bad credit and be rich and we decided that you could. If you are paying your bills all janky etc. you can still have a bad credit report, being overextended facilitates this as well - so we still would be on the freaking cutting edge, because money management is not one of our strong points - but common sense is, so we would definately be reaching out to a financial planner.

There also must be 'levels of wealth' plans. Cause quite frankly anything under 500K, we aren't really sharing the wealth outside of our parents. We will do some treating here and there, but the wayward cousin who we haven't spoken to in years, can go on with thier lives, LOL

Once we hit the big money however, things change. Of course ANY amount of money come up will begin with getting 'the man' off of our back for our past indecretions, making room for the new ones! Man oh man. I have heard that paying off everything at once is not a good idea, but we will be rollin it out for a deal to. I'm still just not giving up what they say they want. Hell, I'll still have bad credit, due to the payoff, yet I will have the fundage to make them 'forget' when it came to acquiring the new credit necessary.

Of course we will look inward first. First up a financial planner, someone who could show us how to make money off of the money we have. Add on an Accountant - these people would help us clear up our past and align us sanely for the future.
The home that we want would come first complete with the furniture fitting for said home. Nothing worse than running out and getting a $300K plus home and bringing home room to go outlet stuff or leaving it empty. Next would be the automobiles that we want. We would keep DQ nothing wrong with her, just add me a luxury sedan and CAUN what he wanted. Next would be setting up the necessary funds to make sure our children went to college comfortably. Then the drama would start.

Amounts of money won mean so much in relation to who you bout to break off. Automatic breakoff's would be our parents (this includes my step mom), Next up would be our best friends (Yea they are next), then the rest depending on how much loot we acquire.

Let's for the sake of argument go into the millions. That would mean automatic "Gailizing" of Janet. I could NOT enjoy having money if she were not able to hang with me. I don't see it happening. CAUN would be "Stedmaning" his brother. This would include paying off their bills, plopping them in homes and cars suitable for our new lifestyle and then large cash sums of money to manipulate in the way they want to on top of that - just rolling wit us.

Now once you get past this, my stuff gets shaky, ya'll know I have 'family barriers' which is what I have begun calling them, cause they are usually from me outward and I can admit that (but that's another post). I would want to take care of my nieces and nephews but beyond that. I would spend time thinking about what to do for my siblings. I said a long time ago and I still hold to it that if I were to win something like 35 million etc. I would require a 500 word essay as to exactly your reasonings on why a portion of my winnings should end up in your life. I think it would be fun, lol lol

CAUN is a softie, so I know I'll be having to really be on him about this. Unless we win 100 million, we are going to be beneficient but we are not the money train for our families.

Let's move up into huge numbers like the one mentioned above. Then we would just get ignorant, lol lol I know that we both agree that we want multiple dwellings. We want our home base to be here, but we also want to buy something in NY and CA and we then want to purchase something in the Islands that will be open to everyone. Like some property with a main house and a couple of bungalows. We also said that a plane is a must that will be available for everyone as well. Need to go somewhere - let us know, lol I would also (if we get into the say 80 million dollar range) just bless some folks. For instance, the girls I hang with - I would pay off their homes and cars. CAUN would make some of his folks solvent as well.

One of my major dreams would be to do an 'Oprah's Maya Angelou' type situation and just invite say 25 of our closest friends on some major vacation all expenses paid, just show up. We got you covered from a clothes stipend and everything. That is just sooo fly!

We don't necessarily agree on the whole work thing however, lol I see myself
He sees a two week notice. We both do agree no quitting work for anything less than a two million.

Charity wise. I would like to totally fix up and re do the nursery Mini-me has been at since she was 5 years old (and she's 13 now) that woman has helped me raise my baby and I would like to just do that. Also I would like to become involved with different things around town. I also would like to fund some Charter or Private schools for young black boys and girls here in Atlanta.

Let's keep it real. It's a whole look that goes along with this whole money deal. I hear folks saying they wouldn't stop shopping where they were shopping before the WIN. NEGROES PLEASE! I'm moving the hell up! It's Target all the way for me, lol lol lol On the real, I would probably only move forward with things in my life that are sentimenal in value otherwise it will stay right where it is, lol lol You can also expect me to get some 'work done'. I might even go on the downlow for a minute while I get some stuff sucked and tucked and then hit the gym and get me a cook. It would definately be my time to finally get it off, lol lol Can you say LACE FRONT for days!!!!!!?!!!!! Whew Lawd! I am over her almost trembling thinking about the shopping 'Janet' and I would partake of. Especially when we get us a good nanny to watch our kids.

The stress free lifestyle is what I would look most forward to. The traveling and exposing my children to things - we could just away like every weekend and still maintain our connections and schools etc. etc.

This post must end now because I am developing a headache expanding my mind to the impossible, lol This is oh so timely because last night 'The Calloways' graced the screen via Vh-1 - their one hit wonder? "I WANNA BE RICH?"

Tootles!

Mindspace 3/19/07

2007-03-19T10:39:00.000-04:00

Monday Musings

Tyrese got sick and cancelled the show! They had the nerve to say come on down and sign a get well card for him. Not! So now I'm on the lookout...again. At least they have a website now - so hopefully it will be updated. At least that put $100 back in my pocket - yea, it was going to cost $100 to go see him.

Spring is in the air! I can feel it, even in the crispness of the current weather. Riding into my subdivision the trees are coming alive, and it's just pretty. I made a decision to have fresh flowers on the table all summer. They bring so much life to your home. Here is the bouquet CAUN got for me for the Brunch. So colorful!

My weekend was all over the place as evidenced by the fact that I actually blogged all weekend. All in all it was a good one. I actually had time to put up some EBAY items to sale, to replenish my spending money in Paypal, lol I buckled down and let those dolls get away from me. Insert that crying face here - but there will be others. Gotta get this trip out the way.

CAUN broke out the lawnmower and gave our grass it's first cut of the spring. To make it exciting for him - everytime he walked by either the bedroom or the patio glass - I flashed him! LOL LOL The Girls all up against the glass, lol. He was hollaring! Ahhh Newlywed life, hope it never ends.

CRUISE UPDATE: Found a good site all about cruises and got some invaluable information. Some that has led me to change our excursions all together. We are going to be with the people instead. Save some money on the high priced ship sponsored ones and take these people's advice (some just got back this past sunday and gave blow by blow reviews) and go that route. We were even able to see the menu's for the week and though they change - they had OXTAIL SOUP! Lawd I am about to pass out!!! I guess the only thing I am trying to work out is my liquor consumption. Drinks are high on the boat! I am limiting myself to three a day at around $7-8/drink! I guess I won't be getting as drunk as I wanted. Now I could do a bar set up and just have the absolut waiting in my room, but a bottle is $40. I am still thinking about this one and just carrying me around a covered mug on the ship with my own libations, lol We will be bringing water and soda, so CAUN is covered. If I choose to do the bar set up - I will bring my own cranberry juice as well. It's funny what folks were saying they packed from silver tape to power strips (we are gonna bring one of those, there is only one outlet in the room and we got cameras and what not to charge, lol). We also were able to locate our room on the ship and we have a nice big picture window! They said that we might get an upgrade, we got a pretty good cabin now as far as I'm concerned, so that would be hella cool. I can't believe that now I can say Next Saturday, we will be on our way to New Orleans!

Well this week should be interesting. I actually have alot on my mind, which means you will be seeing it during the course of the week - so stay tuned!

Mindspace 3/18/07

2007-03-18T10:00:00.000-04:00

Brunch

Yesterday I had a mother/daughter brunch with a friend of mines. It went fabulously and we really enjoyed ourselves.

The menu was Tomatoes stuffed with my 'legendary' Curry Chicken Salad on a bed of greens with several tastes for the pallet. To drink we had Sparkling Cranberry/Apple Cider with fruit and for dessert (not pictured) we had homemade poundcake (with Splenda).

Enjoy!

Mindspace 3/17/07

2007-03-17T08:59:00.000-04:00

Internal Clock Woes

As we approach the 9 o'clock hour, I will have been up three hours already! Why? Because my internal clock has been set to 'work'. This has been something I have fought forever, which is why I never used alarm clocks. It was my last bit of 'freedom' from the man, lol Well enters CAUN and his "I gots to get to work on time" ass. Bling Bling Bling - clocks going off all up in this piece. So now I'm up and it never cuts off. I have no 'weekend' schedule.

So I've (1) baked a pound cake for brunch today, (2)looked up hotel possibilities for our Florida Family Trip and found one (3) Wrote the 'promoters' of Mini-me's Summer 2007 world tour with posssibilites and (4) did some reading on others blogs. LOL

After speaking with CAUN and discovering that robbery was NOT a part of our financial plan and the fact that unlike me everyone doesn't get 35 vacation days a year, we are going to postpone the triumphant return to Vegas. I'm cool with that - my girls weekend to Savannah is still on and poppin. This way we will be able to not be janky with our first family trip to Orlando.

I am going to need an EBAY intervention! Just on happenstance I decided to see what other kinds of things Ebay has in that big virtual flea market and so I put in two words that are going to be my downfall: MICHAEL JACKSON I needs HELP! I am watching like a dozen things and believe you me this right here is coming HOME TO MOMMA!! I've already dusted a spot, lol

(sorry need to kick this snoring man to roll ova DAYUM!)

Um, can someone drop kick...WINTER. I had to laugh yesterday as I drove by looking at the youngsters shiver at the bus stop in their "ooo I wish my momma would take a look at what I wear out the house so I won't be out here in March in a swim suit" outfits.

Speaking of young people, the advent of this technological society is that you have to have a conversation with your children about their responsiblity in it and their respect for it. Mini-me is learning this the hard way. Apparently as a "joke" she took a video of two boys and added commentary that suggested they were gay. Well word got around and Mini-me got a taste of the dreaded popularity and suddenly she's in the office because one of the boys has decided that he is offended, which is his right. The school looked at and burned the video off of her phone and apparently the Father wants to talk to mini-me. Well first off, I'm all up at the school on Monday because why wasn't I notified of any of this. There will be no meeting anywhere without me and CAUN being involved. Second, I could drop kick her little ass.

Soo we had to have a stern talk with her about her responsibility in the technology world be it video, camera, email or IM. As well as explain to her slander and how no matter how she looks at it and how 'harmless' this might be in her eyes and even in the boys eyes - it is the job of the parents to look beyond their short sighted vision and that based on the (right or wrong) stigma of homosexuality in the black community, this boy and his family have taken offense to this and that is their right. Be it the day she made the video or six month down the road.

It was a good lesson in when you do something, you are responsible for it and if you let it out of your immediate person, you have no control over what direction it will go in -- therefore once you showed it to the first person, it took on a life of it's own and now it's boomeranging to hit you in the ass.

She will be writing a one page 'apology' to this boy and his family and I'll drop through the school to make sure this is going to blow over.......

Well now that I am two hours or so away from my brunch - let me get on up and get dressed and what not.

Countdown to Tyrese in full effect - I wonder if a swimsuit and boots are appropriate?

Green Mindspace 3/16/07

2007-03-16T12:41:00.000-04:00

Corn Beef and Cabbage Anyone?

I was watching one of the morning shows at the dentist this morning and these little kids were just a riverdancing away. Then I watched as the sista from "Law and Order SVU" got her nails painted green before coming out for her interview. As I sat there I got to thinking that I am such a person without a country. What I mean by that is that African Americans are just default of any culture! African is our Heritage in my opinion but it is not our culture - as evidenced by we don't celebrate anything that they really have going on either. I can ask 6 folks right now and they couldn't name 6 African specific pieces of culture or holidays or birth rights or anything. Technically the only 'culture' we can call our own is (GASP) the Hip Hop Culture! The only holiday we have is...Kwanzaa - which is why whether you believe in it or not - it is very valid and needs to be here. Oh and we have an 'anthem' that none of us can half way remember.."Lift Every Voice and Sing"

Where's my flag? Where is my colors? Hell the Gay community got a flag! What exactly relevant to the African American dispora do I have? Africans don't want us, Island people ain't hardly trying to claim us, We are for the most part Chameleon Bastards up in this piece. We morph into everything and this weekend we will become IRISH?! Lawd Have Mercy!

I think this is the way in which our leaders did us the most injustice. From slavery forth, we have not carved out anything significant for ourselves to pass on to our children but notions of a land most of us will never see, Heck we are more aligned with the Korean, lol lol

I get jealous when I see costumes, parades, foods, songs etc. etc. of other cultures. DAMN YOU MASTER (fill in the blank)!

What the fuck!? My national bird is the CHICKEN! My dance revolves around a stripper pole, my costume is either booty shorts or a t-shirt 6 sizes too big, my official song is "I need a Bad Bitch"! My official language is slang? My boys 'manhood' ceremony is JAIL! My Baby's familial bond is found out on MAURY!

Am I American? By default yes, and the argument can be made that this right here is MINE - it was built by my people on their hands and knees, but I want something like everybody else.......I want more than Black History Month, if there was ever anything I want to be assimiliated on, that would be the excitement around my people. I just think about how today most folks just don't 'see' it - they don't want to talk about it and they certainly don't want to let it be known that they have feelings about it - afterall it's 2007 and we equal and we got shit and we can go anywhere and do anything and we do have culture....yea right. We have INVENTORS, CIVIL RIGHTS LEADERS, POST SLAVERY MILES STONES, FAMOUS PEOPLE, ATHLETES, ENTERTAINERS, FIRSTS....

Well let me go put my cornbeef and cabbage on.....I do love me some corn beef.

Fandango Mindspace 3/16/07

2007-03-16T07:01:00.000-04:00

Friday Fandango

LADYNAY brought this to my attention!

1. In three words, explain what ended your last relationship?
Couldn't take rejection

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
Yesterday

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
it's not even 7:30 as of yet, but at 8am I will be puttering around trying to get dressed

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Writing my first blog of the day

5. Are you any good at math?
I barely get through addition and subtraction as evident by my bank book.

6. Last night?
Last Night when I made love to you - I saw the sun, the moon, the heaven and the angels, last night when I made sweet love to youuuuu. What happen to the guys who sung that song?

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Well on my Fathers side - he traced back to Ethopia and we have some land there, on my mom's side outside of her being Shahrazad Ali, my Grandpops was a spy for Cuba, lol

8. Have you ever burped in front of the opposite sex?
Yeserday

9. Do you know the words to the song on your blog?
My blog is not musically enhanced.

10. Last thing you received in the mail?
Snail - Replacement credit card in married name, Sports Illustrated.
Email - Blogger comments, junk, Notification of Ebay win etc.

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
None as of yet

12. What's one thing you wish to change about yourself?
My stomach

13. What do you wish for?
Financial Solvency.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Nah but I"m on this Lovethang now so probably on the cruise we will.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Wisdom Teeth pulled out by Dental Students!

16. What is outside of your back door?
Patio and grass

17. Any plans for Friday night?
Doing prep work for lunch tomorrow, season premiere of "Intervention"

18. Do you like the ocean?
LOVE IT

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorn?
Lawd Yes

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Used to go, you get the best sleep up in there.

21. Natural childbirth or epidural?
Why wasn't CRACK part of this question? C-section and drugs. LOVED IT!

22. Something you are excited about
Overall my entire life, specifically my honeymoon

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Strawberry and Cranberry

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
I have no Grand anythings left living

25. Describe your keychain:
I have a NY license plate with my name and I have a Flamingo one with a little mirror and our wedding picture. I have my car key, CAUN's car key and the two house keys.

26. Do you like anyone in your blog roll?
They cool peeps

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
I actually haven't in awhile.

28. What is your winter coat like?
The brown bear that hubby bought me from overstock.com

29. How often do you lay with your significant other and just cuddle, no sex?
Sometimes from the time we get home from work, then we get up shower and cuddle till we fall asleep. NOTHING gets done and poor mini-me is just ass out, lol

30. Can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue?
I'm just too flicked for that kinda stuff, but don't think that indicates my 'skills', cause it don't!

KNOW THE HISTORY FOLKS! (thanks Rosalind)

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull
Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy wi th his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!

Mindspace 3/16/07

2007-03-16T06:52:00.000-04:00

Morning Breath

Well something is screwy up in the mouth region so I'll be hitting them up at 9am when they open. It allows me to stay in bed for a third day this week - getting spoiled. Another contact busted, let her know she is running out of opportunities to wear them - sometimes you just aren't ready, on tap for this weekend: (1) girlfriend and her daughter coming over to visit. I'll be making a cute lunch, (2) maybeeeee "Promonition" dang that looks good and (3) God assist me please - Tyrese!

Woke up with some randomness this A.M.

Exactly why is Strange' (Sanjay) still on American Idol? I believe when he looks in the screen, he shoots a ray and we are made into robots who just dial the phone.
How come we as a people like to dream fantastically and not live in the here and now? Example: Barake. Love him, but we know good and damn well he's not about to be President of the US of A. Yet we will pour resources and money (mysterious money we don't seem to have for the everyday pight of negroes when asked) into this "Dream" - hmmm King really worked.
Is part of living in hell the pursuit of it?
How do you tell someone that it's okay to just be dysfunctional. You don't have to prove you are not because in reality - you are showing that you are and wasting folks time in the process.
Why am I getting the family to sit down and watch Roots when it hits the TV in April?
why am I eagerly anticipating the new shows coming to TV one?
Why was rip the runway the first time I've watched BET in months
Was I the only one who felt that when the plus size fashion show came on the camera took a vacation from showing the fashion? And where were the swimsuits?!
Watching that - I just didn't feel....plus size, though I obviously am, wonder where my mind blockage is?
Why did CAUN take a shit, take the trash to the curb and bust a nut and loose his weight?! MENNNNNNN! Hate that about them!
Spring = rabbits, where are my carrots I need the energy
How do I stop answering work emails late at night - I'm really not trying to be that impressive
My budget is almost a full time job - is yours?
Don't you hate that youtube will cancel something that usually is the good stuff, like the clip from "South Park"?
I think that as you do in school when you are asked whether you are pursuing Academics or Vocational Training, you need to be made to identify your relationship goals. Once at 18 and then at 21 and finally at 25. Then folks can really stop wasting folks time. By 25, you pretty much know if you are going to want to settle down or if you just like variety. Then everyone can mingle and pursue their true goals.
WHY DID I LOSET HIS ENTIRE ENTRY AND NOW AM NOT REALLY AWAKE ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THE REST!?

Mindspace 3/15/07

2007-03-15T20:20:00.000-04:00

Stuff and a Bit Mo Stuff

Hmmm - I am suppose to be doing my homework, but I felt some blogging coming on and so here I am. Didn't have a chance today because I was at the Dentist again.

I have to say that it feels so much better in my freaking MOUTH. The diabetes manifests itself in my pie hole and so taking care of that actually makes my sugars better. Now I've developed another problem that I have to go get taken care of first thing in the morning and then hopefully I'll be seeing them six months from now.

Today I ran into a classic, lol the "I'm married to the boss so I can come in and play office when I please" Lawd have mercy! This sistas was OFF THA CHAIN!! She made my head hurt and I ended up having to 'show ethnicity' in the spot. So she comes bounding in and just started ragging on the front desk people. I mean she was (and actually I rarely call other sisters this) but she was being a bitch. She was speaking to them as if they didn't have a clue. How did I figure out who she was? Because she mentioned it several times. {rollin eyes}.

Well the office is in a heavy ethopian area therefore muslim community. Well, there were I know 6 (insert last name here) in the office, lol So when they called it - we were like Um which ones, lol lol lol

Well in spite of the fact I had it spelled out 100 times on the forms, they misspelled my name on the paperwork and I asked for it to be corrected. She goes "that is your name right?" I respond "yes" so then she says "Well we have to put the name exactly as it is on the medicade and according to them it's blah blah blah" WTF?! I had noticed that she talked to them bad from the get go. I stepped back and looked this broad dead in her eye "Excuse me, but I believe that you've mistaken me for someone else (1) I don't have medicade and (2) I'm from right here in Decatur, so you will NOT speak to me as if I am illiterate - now again the spelling of my name Pamela XXX is" and then she looks and realizes that she has the chart!!!! So then she crosses out the two wrong letters and writes over. I then go (just to bust her balls cause she had em swingin) "I would like one of the very nice and efficient front desk personnel to make me a new folder, so there won't be any confusion" LOL LOL THEN she gets on the phone and tells 'somebody' that there is no way that her husband can join them because he plays Tennis on Sunday and Golfs and probably won't have time for such an unimportant event. I can imagine who that was and how they were gritting their teeth. Some folks need to STOP TRIPPING. However, I actually liked the office - so I will return.

Here is Mini-me in the contacts. She tore another one and I've let her know she has two more, if these don't make it till next Saturday then she won't be getting contacts, she's not ready.

I want to spend a minute on the cruise. We are sooooooo excited. Last evening we went and mapped out our shore excursions. Here is a picture of our ship:

Here is a sample of the cabin

Here are our ports of call: New Orleans, At Sea, Costa Maya, Santo Tomas de Castilla, Belize City, Cozumel, At Sea, New Orleans.

Here is what we choose for each stop:

COSTA MAYA

Highlights Of Costa Maya & Beach Break

Stop in downtown Costa Maya for an hour of free time and shopping. You'll journey through the jungle trails and along the Caribbean shore. Admire the endless stretches of white sand and beautiful blue-green waters. You'll have approximately one hour stay to enjoy the beach. You can lie in the sun, go for a swim, play a game of volleyball, or enjoy one of the complimentary ocean kayaks. Note: Wear your bathing suit and bring a towel.

SANTO TOMAS DE CASTILLA

Trolley City Tour

Ride a unique trolley for a 50-minute ride through the streets of Puerto Barrios. Your guide provides a narration on the history and folklore. Some of the attractions along the way are the colorful local graveyard and the Hotel Del Norte - a local tradition of over 100 years. Note: Participants must be at least 18 years of age to consume alcohol. A maximum of three cold alcoholic drinks (usually beer) or soft drinks per person are included.

BELIZE

Altun Ha Mayan Ruins & Belize City Tour

This fascinating tour focuses on the contrast between the ancient Mayan city of Altun Ha and modern day Belize City, highlighting 1,000 years of development within this former British Colony. Altun Ha (Mayan for "Rock Stone Water") thrived as a trading post to the Mayan world during the Classic and Post Classic periods. The site was made world-famous by Dr. David Pendergast of the Royal Ontario Museum upon his discovery of the world's largest carved Jade Head, depicting the sun god Kinich Ahau.

COZUMEL

Eco Jeep(R) & Snorkel Adventure

Drive your Jeep Wrangler(R) to Punta Sur and visit the Punta Celarain Lighthouse, Navigation Museum and Caracol Mayan Ruin before heading to the beach. Due to the bay's protection, it is safe from sea currents and its sandy and shallow waters make it an ideal place for snorkeling. Enjoy beach games, water sports or simply relax.

Man oh man I am sooo ready for this vacation!
Here is the bag my MIL made me for the trip. She added that "Mariah" element with the butterfly. So fly.

Well let me go to class, lol lol LadyNay has a great Meme that I will be doing tomorrow. Would tonite but it's almost 9pm and I want to be done with class before 10. So peace out!

mindspace 3/14/07

2007-03-14T13:47:00.001-04:00

With the Quickness

Hey! I am getting such a late start, but I'll get it together.

Well the money train has come to a screeching halt. I am going to mourn the breakup of my relationship with the post man and the affair with the UPS man, but it is necessary. I am glad that I know when to stop. Now of course I was hanging over the cliff - but I have stopped. I have one more package coming and I did two returns and I'm posting two ebay sales this weekend - so the game goes on, lol lol

Mini-me ran her spill all up in the eye doctor yesterday and came away with a weeks trial of contacts! This morning she tore them up, lol So I'm running over and getting her a new pair at lunch. She just needs to slow down and it will be alright. We will do a couple of 'let US put our contacts in together' sessions and I am going to pick up a magnified mirror. She's kinda short to lean so far over the sink to look closely into her bathroom mirror. To sit down on the commode and put them in with a mirror would work better. Luckily my insurance covers all of her's. I like vision insurance. Times have come a long way. Now of course my blind ass costs like $125 for the year but that still isn't too bad. Glad we got that out of the way for the year 2007.

Now the Dentist was just damn painful. Mini-me marched up in there after not going for like 3 years (yea I KNOW) and has perfect teeth and didn't even have an abundance of plaque took 15 minutes and was free. My ass on the other hand, crawled up in the chair - had to come back when they had time, make an appt. for part 2 AND shell out $580!!!! However, part one is feeling GREAT! I can tell what bad shape part two is in comparing in my mouth. I go tomorrow and I'm gonna have fun coming back to work drooling and shit, lol

Based on above, you can see why the money train came to a halt. We got a cruise to go on. This morning was spent doing emergency work on the budget - first things first baby, lol

So how do you tell someone respectfully that they are depressing and you really don't want to hear it anymore? I am at that point . See let's just say there are problems, but then again there are always problems in my family. I have been hearing about these for a lonnng while and I have come to the conclusion that (1) hearing this day after day is depressing (2) my opinion is not welcomed because it ain't what they want to hear and (3) there is nothing I can do about the situation - therefore, must I hear about it every conversation and since we speak daily - that means every conversation. Do we not have one more thing to talk about. I don't talk that much about what's going on with me/us because it's soo opposite to what's going on there that it gets met with this long sigh........I am going to cut down on the talking on the phone right now for self perservation. I have to 'save myself' from the constant drama. I've always been this way - very protective of my own 'familial sanity'. I don't thrive off of that nonsense. The parties involved in this do make me care - because I have had a tendacy to not care, but in this case I do - but good Lawd, why must we thrive off of it?! DAYUM! I look at my family like jump ropes. I stand around and see when I should jump in and usually always get smacked across the face with the rope - therefore, I just prefer to go play somewhere else.

I also am OVA the whole - giving thing I had going on. I give because I feel like it and not because it's asked or whatever. A BAD habit in my family. Well now in the midst of the woes is always a "so and so needs - see can you pick that up" it has happen a couple of times and I've just kinda gone out and blessed the folks, well OVA, not the United Nations up in this piece. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to just really branch on off and let it all go - but that's actually not my nature, I do need family in some shape or form, I just REALLY wish we had regular dysfunction issues - and not the ones that we currently have.

(Now it's AFTER Lunch)

Ok so I got her three new contacts, so now we have two sets. Luckily she wears the same prescription in each eye. I've sat and fretting more and more about this whole 'my family' I might need to just be open and get some things off my chest and finally before I just end this - I have gas so I'm farting in my cubicle.

Don't act like you haven't before! So stay the hell out! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Mindspace 3/13/07

2007-03-13T07:46:00.000-04:00

BabyBoy

Morning! There is something peaceful about sitting in your bed in your authentic Al B. Sure Concert Tshirt that you got on his 'world tour' in 1989, watching Good Morning America, knowing that it's going to be 80 degrees today. Mini me and I are home today because we have a series of Dr. appts to go to. It's that time of year. I can't believe that it's almost a year since she broke her knee. Time certainly waits for no one.

Ahhh 80 degrees. I am bracing myself for the utter insanity that will besiege my eyes when I step out into the world this morning. It's funny, I can't even get out any summer clothes because I pack them away - but best believe folks are going to start peeling it off. SCREECH! GO GET YOUR DAMN FEET DONE!!! If you haven't been getting them done on the regular, one swipe with the callous bar is NOT going to be enough. I painted my toes lilac for the wedding and thus they stay. I will have two passes with a pedicure before I unviel them on the cruise. Folks follow suit. I know that the human body loves, craves and needs the sun but even if you jet black YOU PALE! Don't break out all your skin at one time on us. As well as if you didn't work out this winter, even if you are somewhat fit you are somewhat flabby, so um yes your arms are jiggling in that tank top dammit! I just wish folks would give it to us in stages. BOOTY SHORTS IN MARCH ARE JUST FOUL!! At the car show that whole hooker heels, booty shorts and a top was just scandalous! Personally I prefer to just sun my face and have that cute 'dusted' look. At least I'm going away and when I come back I'll be in great shape to start wearing short sleeves, lol.

So as mentioned yesterday, I put out an APB on Tyrese Gibson. He is coming to Atlanta and I really want to see him. Well my loving husband went on the search for me. He even contacted his publicist who happened to NOT know they damn self. (tsk tsk tsk). So we had to just wait until SiMan from 102.5 came on the air. CAUN called and called and got him on the phone and got the information. We rushed home from the grocery store - dumped the food that had to go in the fridge, snatched up mini-me and sped over to the club site to discover it's not even finished yet! The grand opening is Sunday with Tyrese! We found the owner who gave us the information.

ATL peeps, Taboo 2 is a real club/bistro that is reopening on Sunday, It's real similar to the first one and South Beach Bistro in the same spot as Taboo was. Because I want an opportunity to see him I ain't even telling ya'll concert details but by now you've heard the ad on the radio.

DAYUM! I had to track this brother down, but it will be so worth it. OH YEA OH YEA. You know we went to some great concerts last year: New Edition, Mary J. Prince, R Kelly....and we are gearing up for another fantastic concert year for 2007.

Whew - well let me finish watching Patti Labelle, she don took a sista to her wig manufacturer. DAYUM they are hooking it UP! I should invest in a lace front but first I need to work on my makeup, lol lol Cause ya'll know me - I'll just be walking around lace just a flying in the wind, lol lol

And by the way - CAUN wants me to showcase these legs in some shorts and heels, lol However, rather than trying to rock something out of my body league, an ultra cute top some Bermuda Shorts and some 3 inchers and I can duplicate the look taking into account I'm not a 10! I actually will look cute, lol lol I'll let ya'll know when I'm rocking THAT!

Mindspace 3/12/07

2007-03-12T10:15:00.000-04:00

Monday Musings

What's up folks? This weekend has been a long, winding and interesting one. I don't think I've been home all of 5 hours over the weekend each day. I totally have been out and about. And YES there was shopping along the way. It's going to be quite sad when the well runs dry, lol

Let me tell ya'll, I have GROWN soo much. I have really tapped into my adulthood and I'm so proud of me. From my sudden cryptic weekend post, you know that there was a hiccup in the space that is CAUN and Stormeka, but it's blown past. I've never really been able to express and communicate with a mate without the feeling of 'rocking the boat'. You know that feeling you get, that you might not wanna mention something cause they may then decide to move on. What an awful feeling. Well I calmly and devoid of theatrics just sat and talked about it and we worked it out and moved on from it. It took a whole day at which time I also had to 'show face' because we went on with our plans and our day - but that's was a HUGE developmental step on my part and I think that CAUN faced some of his own demons and past as well. We grown and married, not going to let ANYONE rent space in OUR heads. But just a word to the wise, if you desire high ego maintenance men, then be prepared for that to rear it's head and it will have nothing to do with you. I always want some super fine and thinks it man and it's part of the territory.

So Saturday, I took a friend to lunch at this really quaint french restaurant. I love that place. As usual the food was good and we had good conversation. I enjoyed myself. Then she conveniently dropped me off with the fam who were at the mall and I sat while they had lunch and did a bit of window shopping and ended up getting a really cute shirt from Rainbow then I went and saw this HOT HOT HOT and did I say HOT party top at Ashley Stewart. CAUN took one look at it and was like try it on. I did and even Mini-me said it was real nice, so I scooped that up. I can't wait to wear that bad boy!

We moved on to another mall but along the way, CAUN kept putting this bag on my side of the truck. I finally picked it up and it was this dress I had been looking at but decided against. I liked the dress and it certainly will be quite cute on the cruise and for the summer with a light jacket for work.

We went to see Wild Hogs! Ok this is a great saturday afternoon movie. I laughed several times. I am a fan of John Travolta so that was a plus and he did a quick bit of dancing too . It was a great leave your mind at the door and just chill and enjoy the day type movie. I then stopped through Burlington Coat Factory and they had a clearance on shirts that were actually from the Avenue, lol So I got like 8 shirts in all the colors you would need a shirt in! I swear my wardrobe is going to be nice!

Ahh the car show. I love the car show. Dont' know why, in essence it is boring you just walk around and look at cars, but there is something about the 'dream' factor that works. We met up with Janet/Jermaine and Big Red. It's funny, I still am not all the way use to her showing up as a...mother. Here she comes bag and stroller and baby in tow and I couldn't do anything but smile.

Here are some pictures from the show:

Out of all the cars, CAUN and I quite liked the Lexus Convertible. It was nice and a perfect ride for when we get rid of the kids. I would prefer another color but it was niceeeee.

Mini-me started tripping right off the bat and went on the hunt for her 'Sweet Sixteen' automobile. She's gonna be soo upset. We are spending whatever the tax return is for that year, lol We are not having no note for a sixteen year old, lol lol I kinda welled up though when I saw her looking oh so cute in the convertible. She looked great in it. Now she 'crashed' by checking out her hair and lip gloss, lol lol but she looked cute.

I took one of my restaurant.com (I really recommend this site if you enjoy going out) coupons to Copeland's Bistro and we chowed down! We ended up even with the discount spending more than I had intended, but it was a good time.

All in all we had a great time this weekend. The sun was shining, we were spending quality family time and then had time apart to do our own thing, apparently we are without bills and financial stress (NOT) and despite some bumps and some sadness about some familial situations out of our control - we had a good time this weekend!

How was ya'll's weekend?

OHHHHHHHHHHH - one mo thang!

APB out on this man here!

Tyrese will be in town (Atlanta) Saturday, March 17th and I am on the hunt for the actual location. Some sites say Georgia Train Depot but I swore I heard Siman say "Taboo 2" if anyone in Atlanta has any information, please hit a sista up!

Relating Mindspace 3/11/07

2007-03-11T10:46:00.000-04:00

HICCUP

Offense: Inappropriate internet behaviour
Level of Infraction: 5 1/2 (scale 1-10)
Punishment: Real conversation and shutting down
GBI*: New Dress, Movie
Solution: Joint open sweep and removal of any lingering 'sites'
Future: Fine but will pay attention

Conclusion: Anyone who is not aware of how the internet factors and will continue to factor into your relationship is a fool. Continued open communication, boundary discussion and acknowlegement that it's not going anywhere and the maturity to understand this and the dynamics of it and it's lure is imperative to sustain your relationship.

Moving on...........

*GBI = Getting Back In

Mindspace 3/9/07

2007-03-09T10:27:00.000-05:00

Friday Fandango

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER CAUN!!

Fragmentations.............

Do you know where your very first boss is? I do. The brother was instrumental in teaching me the game and I'm forever grateful. NYC wouldn't have been the same for this country gal without him. I write him once a year. I wrote yesterday and he answered back. He actually lives in Philly. I have got to go see him - and yea I had a small crush on him. His swagger was on fire!
Shopping get behind thee! I am slowly coming down off the shopping high. I don't know what possessed me. I am not overspending or taxing myself or the household finances so bump it. CAUN certainly has been enjoying the shopping sprees, lol It's not that he doesn't make money or has the freedom to spend it - but it's more about the spirit with which we do things for ourselves and each other. If you have ever come from an environment where you were not able to reward yourself, then you understand.
Isn't it funny how your life is never balanced and thus you always know someone who has that missing piece of the puzzle you think you need? Crazy. In actuality - I am QUITE blessed and do have safety nets and do land on my feet and all of those things - I think that sometimes the road looks long - but I'm constantly moving forward on it - so I should sit down somewhere and I can sleep well at nite, so I know I need to sit down somewhere.
Is it wrong that I would rather travel and spend money than start saving for a house? I guess in some way I have been sooo responsible for so long and then doing it solo that for a little while I just want to keep afloat and enjoy for a minute. I think I told you ( I feel like lately I've been repeating myself,lol) that we are trying to go back to Vegas the third week of June and we are trying to coordinate a trip to Orlando with my brother from Texas. We are going to rent a house. I have 28 vacation days left after the cruise and I guess I'm bout to use them, lol I did tell you I am going to Savannah with friends. So I am going to try to loop this all together and go to Vegas that same week. So do Savannah come home, go to work that Monday and then go to Vegas that Tuesday-Thursday, lol lol Just acting a fool and it feels G-O-O-D!
we went on a family trip to upgrade our intimates. Folks was raggedy. I don't like a man in raggedy drawers so I keep up and make sure every season he gets all new stuff. Mini Me has moved into the 'real' and not Jrs. (SOB SOB) so I went ahead and got her summer underwear and socks I also got her her first pairs of 'control' (smile). One black and One white. Learn about foundation EARLY! It can be your friend. Then I just got me some socks, I had bought underwear earlier last month. I did get me three bras and I have happened upon the PERFECT one for me. Lawd this thing feel soo good! LOL So of course this morning I went on EBAY and found four more of the brand name in my size for $12!!! Scooped them up. I know that some folks are all about 'matching' but when you get into the plus size and support it's just too expensive. A matching set for me is like $42.00. Sorry but I'm not into it like that. I like pretty colors but dang! So $185 later, we left the freaking Walmart, lol lol Somebody give me the recipie for that crack they pump through the vents in there!
I have been quite generous to my mom lately, she has asked for a couple of things and I've just gotten them. I wonder if in 'our' old age, we've just softened. I wonder when the other shoe is going to drop..........
I am still in the 'fuck it' mode of mind in my life - but I've discovered that the attitude can be two sided. Previously it was tinged with anger and now it is tinged with peace and happiness.
I'm beginning to submit to the idea that maybe a woman whether knowingly or unknowingly can be a bit of a witch when she is bereft of a companion. I submit to it because I am looking at another side of...me. I have changed (I know I know Sistas are falling out in the streets, cause we know we don't like to admit stuff like this), The eyes I look out of now are not so beady with worry and fustration and...the past.
that man put on his wife beater and his new Rocawear shorts with those crisp white sneakers and I almost passed out! LOL LOL there is NOTHING like being attracted to your mate. I already know I'mma have to beat somebody down before it's all said and done, lol lol
CRUISE EXCITEMENT: we've decided to come into New Orleans that Saturday night instead of just driving there to get on the cruise on Sunday. We went on Expedia and booked The Hotel St. Pierre in the French Quarters. Parking cost are atrocious!! And they are adding a 'resort' fee and I understand they trying to make money but dang. The parking at the St. Pierre is free through Expedia. "Janet" already gave me the lowdown and we won't be venturing too far after night fall outside of heavy populated well lighted areas. She said that her family tells her crime is still rampant and black men are being stopped on the minute. I CAN'T wait for this trip! I am sooo freaking excited!
Mini-me, had a moment and put on CAUN's new sneakers. The look of glee on her face makes me well up. It makes me angry at all the Fathers who are ALIVE and not giving their babies that simple but needed pleasure and all the Mothers who are keeping their children from having that pleasure based on some bullshit (no I'm not talking to those who have genuine issues and concerns or feelings of danger from their childrens father).
I apologize to all my friends for not winning that $389 million. I tried! I don't know which is funner (is THAT a word?) actually winning or all the cool convo you have about how you would spend it, lol
CAUN mindspace lesson: I was complaining about some kids running rampant in the street and I said "back in the day you could do that but now" and he said, "Pam this is there back in the day" DAYUM! That was hella deep to me that I've moved into that space where my back in the day is my comfort zone for me but not necessarily reality of the day - meaning I'M GROWN NOW! DAYUM DAYUM DAYUM!
I want to ask ATLNEWBIAN is she the depository for every Forward this email known to man?!
I've worn the same hairstyle for a week - I know I know,lol

Hmmmmmm - glad I got that stuff off my chest! LOL

Ya'll have a good weekend! I might be back over the weekend, I've seen some great Meme's I want to cop.

In the meantime and in between time - let me leave you with the greatest invention! You know you want one don't front!

CRUISIN COOLERS

Mindspace 3/8/07

2007-03-08T10:27:00.000-05:00

Thursday Throwback

Summer is calling me! Enjoy my trip back down memory lane.

Originally posted June 19, 2005

Sitting under the wooden trellis, watching mini-me swim, brought back such fond memories of my swimming days. I will get in the water now, but not with the whismical abandonment of yesteryear.

There are two timeframes that I remember when it comes to swimming and they are age ranges -

Ages 7-12: This was the time when it was all about a cross between fear and excitment about getting in the water. I can remember walking the blocks with my brother and friends to Mosley Park on our quest to cool off. We crossed MLK Jr. Drive (You know that's the indentifying street in the hood) and ran all the way to the pool. It was teeming with black wet bodies of all ages and we couldn't wait to get in there! It was all about getting in slowly and letting the water wet you in stages. You then just kinda drifted around among the crowd looking for a space to belong. I can remember the jumping contest, the stand on your head contests and the whistles of the lifeguards CONSTANTLy blowing because we were always in violation of some 'pool rule' that was written and faded on a broken sign over on the fence, lol No Roughhousing, No Running, No Floats blah blah blah - who's reading. Since I started wearing glasses at nine - my entire swim career has also been BLIND!! I used to wear my glasses in the pool - bump that! but usually I would have to take them off and put them in the locker and thus most of the scenery I MISSED, lol

We would swim for hours until the final whistle blowed and a throng of sun and water dusty young negroes would pick up whatever towel was nearest, even if it wasn't yours and head on home.

For some of us there was another rite of childhood the "we going to so and so's house who lives in an apartment so you can swim" now that was the joint! While your parents sat around you acted a plum fool in the apartment pool, lol It was always too deep and I would cling on to the side but there you could have floats and balls and whatnot so great games of water tag etc. went on. You would get bold and slide over to splas yo momma who then said if you did it again she was gonna beat your ass and then everyone would fall out laughing Ahhh the joys of childhood, then came...

Ages 12-15: The age of discovery. This is when swimming took on a whole new meaning. You would 'prep' to go to the pool and by this time I was living in an apartment so it was a day in advance before I set foot on that concrete for the first swim of the summer. This was the country club. Moms was like NO BIKINI's so you searched the Zayre's for the very best swimsuit - one that accentuated your budding figure. Then it was all about a real beach towel and flip flops to match, lol As everyone gathered at the pool - somethings had changed, the boy who used to dunk you unmercifully in the pool, now all of a sudden had definition to his chest and his little arm muscles had started budding and as we all jumped in the pool - do I remember the water sizzling? The games became contact sports and you wanted to ride a boys back, have him carry you, pick you up - just touch you with that wet budding body of his, lol Laying on the floats hoping he would turn you over so you can come up out the water and make your 32-34 a's or b's (hey back in the day we didnt' have as many chemicals so our breasts were NORMAL size, lol) jump ever so slightly in your bathing suite, praying you had some kinda cleavage. You learned how to lean back in the water wetting your hair and slicking it back. It was all about look at me, see me, hey do you see me, lol lol Is this a pool or a jacuzzi cause the water is bubbling. The girls would all lean on the side of the pool watching the boys walk by trying to look up their swim shorts cause there was always one boy who made sure his dick was OUT OF THE SWIMTRUNK NETTING for all to see, lol lol

No parents ever came to the pool during teenage time, lol lol So we would do all kinds of crazy stuff from putting all the deck chairs in the pool and sitting on them to bringing umbrellas for shade and one time even so we could swim in the rain (why we are not dead, I have no idea, lol) We would bring UNO cards and sit and play and talk and listen to music no someone's busted radio. It was all about fun and sun and no worries...it was all about Swim Time In The Summer.

Out of all that fun, however, I never learned how to swim! I do a mean doggy paddle and I can do the dead man float and when I was really showing out I would do an overhand stroke underwater, but otherwise I can't swim a lick, lol Go Figure!

Mindspace 3/7/07

2007-03-07T11:00:00.000-05:00

Um, Eventually I have to...WORK

Yesterday I was bereft of words, today I actually am putting in my weekly allotment of actual work hours, lol. Of course this whole thing stresses me out! So even though I have actual 'mindspace' that I want to write about - I have to plop some filler in.

The next couple of days actually are gonna be somewhat busy. I started a new class yesterday and apparently she wants us to work as well!

In tribute to all of us who are 'forced' to eventually stop using the jobs resources and put some of our own back in!

HOW TO TELL IF YOU NEED TO PRAY AT WORK

When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing "good morning" to everyone and you think, "Somebody needs to slap the s#@! out of her"...You need to pray at work.

When someone comes in and announces, "office meeting in 5 minutes," and you think, "what the f*&% do they want now?"..... You need to pray at work.

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, "which one of you sons of b*&^%$# turned off my computer?"..... You need to pray at work.

When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says, "well at my last office...," and you want to throw a stapler at him...... You need to pray at work.

When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, "what the h*&^ does she want now?" and you try to hide underneath your desk......... You need to pray at work.

When you are asked to stay late and help do someone else's work and the first thing that pops in your head is, "both of y'all can kiss my a@@!!".... You need to pray at work.

When you take some vacation time and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think, "sorry a## M#$^%F%&#s"........ You need to pray at work.

If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, slapping or flattening someone's tires that you work with...... You need to pray at work.

If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it's going to lead to their life story .......You need to pray at work.

If you know all the words that have been bleeped out....You need to pray at work!

If you need a soundtrack for your crappy work related day:

This courtesy of LeoninATL - God I love the Blog World! Oh and Myspace and Youtube too!

Mindspace 3/6/07

2007-03-06T14:30:00.000-05:00

TMI Tuesday

Ok I was reading my favorite new blog WEEKENDS OFF and noticed that every Tuesday she has this feature 'TMI Tuesdays' - I was like that's cool. TODAY I just realized that the questions come for an ACTUAL BLOGSITE, lol

So because I am (1)bereft of thought process from my own mind, (2) running behind in general and (3) finding some of this provocative - I copied a couple of Tuesdays Questions.

Have you ever orgasmed sitting at your computer? What was the situation?Yes I have, a dare from Mobetta on the phone.

Ever been sexual harassed? What happened?Actually no, I have never been sexually harassed.

Who is your hottest nerd crush?
Currently all my crushes are wayy better than nerds, lol

Can a man have multiple orgasms?
I don't believe they can have multiple ejaculations, but I do believe it is possible for them to 'orgasm' more than once.

Is there such a thing as too much sex?
In my opinion, sure. If you are having sex and it becomes about filling space or avoidance or pain dulling then you are having too much.

Bonus: Have you had sex in the last 24 hrs?
Actually no, I'll need to work on that, lol

Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?I'm not one to go outside the house absent of my drawers, lol however, I wish I could tell some of the thong wearers a thing or two.

Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?
I am a get wit it and hit it kinda girl and had to 'learn' to appreciate foreplay to begin with - so yea sometimes for me, it can be too much.

Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww?
Delivered from stale getting AMEN! Skills excellent in giving.

Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?
Depends, now that I've actually 'fallen in love' the whole scene is so different. I'm snoring quick now, lol

Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."
Yea Sunday morning is still my favorite time of day.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?
Ummm, NO!

Would you rather...

be famous now & forgotten after you die or forgotten now & famous after you die, forever? & Why?
Hmmm, I think that being a non-believer in life after death, I'd like mine's now please.

give blood or read Hamlet? & Why?
I would actually rather read Hamlet? I have yet to conquer my fear of Shakesphere so a public reading and intrepretation would be almost like giving blood. I'm kinda selfish with my body unless it's my child or husband.

be extravagantly rich, but hated by others or be well loved and admired, but dirt poor? & Why?

Oooh - extravagantly rich, fuck em and let em eat cake!

be imprisoned for the rest of your life or kill someone? & Why?
Can I use some Kill Bill moves when I murder?

fight Mike Tyson or talk like him? & Why?
Talk like him, I might be able to sing like Michele'

Who would you kill if you were guaranteed to get away with it?
My Brother

Do you think people in general are too forgiving of or too harsh on promiscuous women? Promiscuous men?
I think that nowadays, everyone is too forgiving and hypocritical when it comes to both.

Suppose you've been dating someone for a year, and they're slowly getting fat. Does this romance have long-term potential?
Depends, I'm realistic about some weight gain and who am I to talk? It's if you lose your sexiness in that weight gain that we will have a problem.

If you have five VERY successful dates with someone, are you a couple?
Probably in my mind, but the reality is no you're not.

When you have a "toe-curling" orgasm, do your does curl up, or down?
Down, it always amazes me, lol

Can great sex be reason enough to stay in a relationship? (What about just okay sex?)
Nah, I'm a firm believer that outside of the rare all day in bedder, what are we gonna talk about at the kitchen table?

Bonus (as in optional): When you're unhappy in a relationship, do you treat the other person badly? Examples we've tried: causing jealousy, picking fights, withholding sex, getting real quiet.
Yes, I can get quite nasty.

Hair Mindspace 3/5/07

2007-03-05T21:00:00.000-05:00

Tree Braids

Instead of answering privately, I thought I'd post here for anyone else who is wondering. You have probably seen them but didn't know it. Basically, the process is that you cornrow your hair all going back. As the cornrows are braided, hair is woven into the cornrow that hangs loose to be styled. Typically if you have the length in the back, you get about four rows of individuals so that you can pull the hair up into a pony or upsweep. So basically you have a braid/weave combo.

This sistas entire space is great! Some of you may have seen it. I just discovered it. "Janet" has worn tree braids several times, I just have not ventured into it, but here I come.

THE HAIR SITE

Here are some great upclose pictures of...tree braids.

OK, so she protected her pictures. I can understand that. Just click on the link to look at tree braids - here is another picture I found.

Mindspace 3/5/07

2007-03-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

Monday Musings

Hey folks! I hope that your weekend went well. It's funny how the beginning of the week can spark such a flurry of activity. I feel like spring is so right around the corner and I'm trying to force it into being. The sun beating on my face all weekend just felt good! When it gets to the point where you can take off the heavier jackets - oh yea baby!

I actually am getting a somewhat slow start to reading my daily blogroll. Just haven't felt like it.

I've once again added a piece to my hair. I just can't stop, lol lol Hair intrigues me. Here are some treo self portraits taken a few minutes ago. I like the whole springy look. My summer plan has been finalized! I will be getting a cornrow wrap for the trip and once that has went south in the looks department. I will be getting tree braids and that will be my summer look. I have decided NOT to cut my hair! Go ahead and grow it out. Putting it up in the tree braids will allow it to grow even more. I will maintain my relaxer however. I'm not trying to grow that out.

The shopping bug has bit a sista! Remember I purchased this stuff here:

Well I have now reached 98% capacity on my shoe game. See this past year when I put up my summer stuff, I liquidated most of my shoes. Mainly because they were either 'dated' or they just wern't in the plan for the upgrade. So this was kinda needed. I picked carefully etc. and so now with the following purchases, I only need to get maybe a pair of black/brown/white flats and that's it. I actually copped those sneakers on ebay for $20.50.

I also finally updated my book game as well. I still haven't gotten Carl Weber (don't know what I am waiting on), but I got the following today from Amazon.

Ohhh, the weekend, lol Well we actually had a wonderful weekend. We toured the Farmers Market. I love that place, all the sites, smells, sounds and food. I found some cranberry sparkling cider. Can't wait to crack that open. We then toured Whole Foods, which is our natural grocery store. CAUN found him some guacamole tortilla chips and then we proceeded to toss all that good eating out the window and go to Mary Mac's for dinner. Mary Mac's is a soul food restaurant that's been around since freaking slavery, lol lol but you talking about some good food. I always wanna just go in the back and hug those sistas and call em big momma, lol lol I had smothered chicken, cabbage and cream corn. Good! And I brought some home.

Sunday, we left Mini-me at home and just kinda took off together. We went to the mall and CAUN got his sneaker game up to par and we stopped by a friends home to return her treadmill and we just enjoyed each other and the sunshine.

I came home so clear headed that after I did Mini-me's hair, I cranked out 95% of my paper due this evening! It was quite coherent and concise. I should ace an A in this class barring any unforseen issues. I know some folks forget that I am in school. I graduate January 08 people! I am looking forward to completing this goal. CAUN begins school in March. It's never too late to use some brain cells.

Well I have been working on this for longer than I expected, and basically haven't said bunk - so let me just end it. OHHHH one last thing, today is the day CAUN begins dragging me all over Decatur on our power walks. Pray for me!

Academic Mindspace 3/2/07

2007-03-02T18:24:00.000-05:00

Mini-me and the SAT's

Ya'll I am having a PROUD PARENT MOMENT! Awhile back I think I mentioned that mini-me was taking the SAT as part of the Duke University program. I was quite intrigued by it and wanted to see exactly how she would do. She pretty much came into this cold. They had a five week class through school, during school time - but that was about it.

Well the scores came today and I am soooo proud of her! She scored:

1020!

Critical Reading the range was 380-440 and she scored 410
Math the range was 200-240 and she scored 210
Writing the range was 360-440 and she scored 400

She scored 19% better than Seniors who took the test in 2006 for college entry.

Just an FYI - at 17 yrs old I scored 850! TSK TSK TSK SIGH! Well I did have the flu when I took it, lol (I know save the excuses for the man on death row eh?).

Again, I am quite proud of her. Our learning methods and what not might be a bit interesting, but I'm very glad that she is inhaling that scent called Education.

I'm sure the pressure to get her all geeked up into all these programs will start, however, I stick by that she is going to have a well rounded life. I am not one for all that pressure on a child in academics. She wants to dance, cheer and have a life and I am an advocate of that.

All I got to say is SCHOLARSHIPS HERE WE COME!!

Mindspace 3/2/07

2007-03-02T09:40:00.000-05:00

Friday Fandango

63 degrees and sunny. I can work with that for this Friday, March 2, 2007. It's been a horrible morning however, with death all over Georgia. There is nothing more funky than waking up to news of death, especially when it involves CHILDREN. First, the tornados whipped through here and then a bus carrying little leaguers flipped and 6 are dead and traffic is at a stand still. Keep these folks in your thoughts and prayers.

BLACK SNAKE MOAN hits theatres today and I bought our tickets yesterday, lol lol I'll definately let you know how this is.

Let's talk about American Idol.
Ok so everyone is gaa gaa over Lakeshia Jones. Well when we watch Idol, especially after this many seasons, we are still amazed that they just don't keep it real. Simon, however, hinted at some obvious this week and of course got boo'ed down but let me keep it real here. Ok, so Sis can Sang. Here is the unspoken rule about a sista like her. You either need to be unattractive and skinny, or heavy with the cutest face EVER! If neither of these fit you then you need to be ROCKING THE BEST ATTIRE/HAIR/MAKEUP EVER!!! Lakeshia is a nice sista, I'm sure - but she's overweight and not a looker. Soooo where does that leave this sista? Not as winner of American Idol. It ain't gonna work, the public is not gonna go for it. So she will move along but eventually - she will get kicked off because of the 'truths' I've stated above.

Melinda Doolittle actually has a better chance, because she was almost too damn good for American Idol. She tore "My Funny Valentine" UP! As well as, with some veneers and a little texture in her weave - she'll be in the top four. The thing that may push her over the top though is just what Simon said and you could see it in her face, she has not been spoiled by the fact she can sing. Maybe seeing the asses she's probably seen being a back ground singer - has helped her, but I really liked her spirit. Stepfanie Edwards - like her and like her hair! However, that Beyonceish (Randy's words not mine) performance would have done her in, if she hadn't of made it her own at the end. I see her being in the top four as well.

Notice I haven't mention any boys. Um, NEXT! The fact that Strange' is still in the competition amuses me to say the least.

So who do I see in the top four. I see Stepfanie, Melinda, Phil and.......Jordin (youth can surprise you). We'll see how it plays out.

and another reality about American Idol, that got London and Hudson and Grey kicked off. We sit on the couch and talk plenty shit but WE DON'T VOTE!! So at any moment one of the sistas can be G-O-N-E. So take this list with a grain of salt.

Moving right along to America's Next Top Model. I am so excited to discover what lace fronts and I'm not overweight drama Tyra is going to be transposing to the girls. I have not staked claim in either of the 'plus size' girls, except to say the sista is handling the 'truths' I mentioned above - her face was GLOWING with cuteness.
Of course, I'm intrigued by Jael and it was funny, once she said her momma was black - I looked back at the screen and she morphed from a "white girl channeling Pink" to "Rain Pryor", lol lol Right now if I had to say I had a favorite - it would have to be Jaslene Since I walk like I'm all that - I took to her last time and I'm glad she made it. She photographs great. Unfortunately, I already see Tyra about to begin her - 'you were over the top and now you're calm, cause I broke your spirit so now you must go after you cry for me two times' Tsk Tsk Tsk. That first photo shoot could have been powerful - if the girls were farther along. I dont' think Kathleen should have been kicked off. Actually, I think the girl who had been in the fashion shows and was a photographer should have for just being a fraud, lol lol Cause she should have known how to do the basics and her pictures were wack.

Tapping my feet to my latest musical interests. At the top of the list is Ruben Studdards "Make You Feel Beautiful" Oh my! This song is hot. It first dropped on Sirrius and this morning he sung it on Steve Harvey's show live and I"m even more in love with it. (Click the song title to take you to Amazon where you can hear a taste). Also I am Mrs. Goodbarring that sweetie Chris Brown and "Poppin" I need to work me out a routine for CAUN to that song - cause it's got a nice 'come and get it' beat going on, lol lol and yea I read the rags this morning and I hope it's not him and I'm erasing my Treo NOW, lol lol. I am also feeling Freddie Jackson "More than Friends" and Lionel Richie's "You Are" and as a throw back - I pulled out my Waiting to Exhale CD, I just wanted to hear some sistas.

Well that's about it for this Friday, Paper writing this weekend and underwear drawer liquidation. Ya'll have a good one!

Mindspace 3/1/07

2007-03-01T17:35:00.000-05:00

Thursday Throwback

Hey! Actually kept forgetting I hadn't blogged today, **SMH**

I wanted to take a moment and express my gratefulness to my readers. I
have hit the over 10,000 hits mark! As well as February 27th I had 107
hits in that day. I'm not sure of what the average is for other
personal bloggers and I know some folks got a HUGE audience, but for this little
ole Adventure - I am truly thankful to everyone who takes the time to come
and share a slice of my life.

To me, everyone had a special place in my heart that puts it out there
like that. Some folks might not know just how time consuming blogging is
and we are doing this....FOR FREE! I read up to 45-60 total blogs a day daily
myself, and the way folks are giving of themselves and their time always makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. If I thought someone would want to read it, I would probably blog about every thought I have during the day, but nobody wants to read that mess,lol

I feel like I'm part of a very special club, the churning of a persons
mind in their own space allows for so much expansion. So I just wanted to
say thanks for coming by, whether it was one time or daily. I also want to
say THANKS to all the lurkers that don't make themselves known from my IM,
my former discussion group, or through CAUN's promotion (you may have
heard him on Shady 45 talking about my blog, lol), voyeurism is hot ain't it,
lol lol

So for the month of March, I wanted to free up a day so I can do some
other things. I was looking at my Emancipation and boy there was some good
little nuggets up in that joint, so I'll be adding a Thursday Throwback, where I will repost some little diddy's from there. Ever evolving, but not wanting to jump on the vocal or podcast train just yet - I'll be thinking of other ways to expand my scope on the little Adventure that CAN!

STAY TUNED!

Originally Posted November 14, 2005

The Intrigue of....FIRSTS

Blog Musical Mood: Love Machine - The Miracles

Mondays can be so tedious, sometimes I wish weekends were like Monday and Tuesday because the break just links together two awful week days, lol. Today someone said blogs are gonna take them away from reading books, lol. I said too late for me. I've updated my sidebar <------------- with all the blogs I am currently reading, if you write it, I'm reading. I got tired with all the HTML, so if your name was left off and you know I'm all up in your living room - sorry :)

I gave this whole trip down memory lane some thought and this might be fun Probably wayyy more revealing than I might want to be, but a great exercise in childhood perception of things cause I'm sure by now I'm totally in fantasy land about alot of things, lol lol. This should be fun. I mapped out a couple of ideas and I'll be going to Oz and to the Wicked Witches House cause life ain't all good all the time.

I made me some RED Jello w/Fruit cocktail to get in the mood - and HERE WE GO!!

I thought I'd start out with some firsts we all go thru....in no particular order.

My First Kiss was in the 8th grade with TH. He was my first 'boyfriend'. I actually got him as a consolation prize when my older brother took his girlfriend from him. (In my life I've been a consolation prize more than once). I remember he said I kissed horribly, lol lol. I was sooo upset about that, that I vowed to master kissing and over the years I have. Now that didn't stop him from shoving his tongue down my throat every chance he got, lol but I got the message. Seeing as that was about all you were going to get from me in High School, I had to learn that skill quick.

My Parents sometimes had little get togethers, my First Drink was....PINK CHAMPALE. We used to get up the next day and finish off all the little plastic cups that didn't have cigarette butts in them. Talk about some good stuff. Then I moved on to the HUGE bottle of Manachevitz on the bottom shelf of the fridge. That stuff tasted like Koolaid. I had to be around 11 or so then. My next introdution to alcohol was when I used to visit my Father in Philly over the summer. There was a woman who lived in the alley and she sold 40's and wine coolers. She didn't care. We would all pitch in and get us a couple and go to my brothers girlfriends house cause her momma worked at night and get to drinking, lol lol. One time we were trying to sneak in the house, I was tore up and we got all the way to the steps when in the dark sat my father. I just fell out and fell down the steps and they were trying to drag me up by my clothes. It was a hot mess. I did a good amount of drinking from 15-19, lol lol during the summer of course.

I guess I'm a bit analytical about some things (you think, lol) and I'm always thinking about how I will be affected by stuff - so I never really was interested in cigarettes or drugs for that matter, however, I have indulged in both. I smoked my first cigarette when I was a teenager in the bathroom of our house, lol. I remember my momma came home and I put it out in a can of TAB, ROTFL. I was standing on the toilet so I could blow the smoke out the bathroom window....I was in college when I smoked my first Weed. We were riding around in Philly acting a plum fool. A car full of girls and someone had some and as we cruised down South Street we were going at it. I actually wasn't impressed and it set my coochie on FIRE!! I was almost hunching the back seat I got so horny, lol lol I remember alot of crazy stuff happening from someone peeing out a moving car window to someone falling of the curb. I didn't like that feeling. I've only tried weed three times - the other two times were in a controlled atmosphere with a guy and I could immediately work on that FIRE my coochie was on.

I have never been a fighter. Don't know how but the day my mom made me participate in my First fight, I'll never forget. I'll say this heifers name PENNY lived down the street and we had a love/hate relationship. She would always hit on me and I would just let her, I had to be around 8. Well one day my mom saw this and she told me to come in the house and basically said I had two choices, either beat up that girl or get beat by her. Well I went on outside and Penny had went home. My mom escorted me to her house and her momma and my momma set up a fight and we had to fight in the yard! I beat the brakes off that girl, cause whatever she was gonna do to me had to have been better than my momma, lol. I wonder whatever happen to her and I'm sure she got a different take on what went down.

I grew up quite sheltered (being in the Nation of Islam) and so I didn't even really associate with a boy who was not my relation until I was in teh 4th grade when my father took us out of the University of Islam after the Honorable Elijah Muhammad passed. I went to JC Harris elementary school and that First day of elementary school - I sat in between MC and JC. Whew Lawd! I almost passed out. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life as I sat there with my big ass Kroger bag with my lunch in it and a rinky dink outfit because I used to wear a uniform. MC became my first crush. I loved the ground that boy walked on! He had the most brillant smile. He and I would play school yard games and even when I got my Zayre's coke bottle glasses that were 2/$19.99 - he still hung with me. Luckily we both were highly intelligent and so we got pulled out of class to go to the trailors for Gifted Class most of the time - - ahhhh - - We lost touch after elementary school, but I saw him again when I was a Debutante - he looked like a PRINCE from a movie or something. You never forget your first crush :)

I've been sexual for a long time, I can remember being around seven or so and discovering that if I rubbed up against my stuffed animal that sholll felt good - so then that became my favorite hobby, lol Until my momma walked in on me!!! I wrote my first provocative story when I was 10 about MC. We were doing it on the scream machine at six flags, lol My momma found that too in my diary and I had a ceremonial burning of said diary in a trashcan in the back yard. All thru High School I was basically a stick of dynamite, lol lol, but I made a pact in the 8th grade with my friends that we would graduate High School virgins and except for one girl we did. I kept some form of a boyfriend however,lol. Funny how patterns start young - I was always pining after someone and struggling with how to 'be' with that person. Back then boys were not so demanding, so if you played it right and knew how to grind, you were cool, (by this time my kissing had IMPROVED, lol). 14 is when I started doign a little bit of exploring but by the time I was in the 10th grade, I was a trembling orgasmic mess, lol lol. Now I neva neva neva neva let no boy touch me beneath my clothes cause that analytical mind of mines had already read that semen could travel! Get the hell away from me! He could kiss me, cop a quick feel and we could grind till the cops came running, lol. (to this day mobetta finds it utterly incredulous that I got all the way thru high school and never had a boy touch my breast and I never gave one hand job, lol)

Fond fond memories were during probably the highlight of my existence on this planet so far - the ages 15-17. I was so crazy over boys I was in a daze,lol. The summer I turned 15, I went to visit my father in Philadelphia and had my first romance. It was straight out of an ABC afterschool special. My father didn't have his foot planted as firmly in my neck as my mother - so I had a lonnng leash with him. Me and WC had the best summer. Movies, eating out, take the casino bus to Atlantic City, the plateau, curling up watching TV. I remember he gave me his dog tag - Lawd chile, I was in loveeeeeeeeeee. WC was on the phone freaking out because I was popular and I had alot of activity and knew alot of people and he was 800+ miles away. He got kinda controlling and I would have to be by the phone at a certain time to take his calls - well that all ended when the phone bill came in. My momma had a cow!! Ultimately my father had a little talk with him. At the time I was sooo upset I cried FOREVER!! So like alot of first romances it was also my first heartbreak. Yea we cool - I saw him a couple of years ago down 9th street when I was visiting and we hung out for a minute - I guess the only regret was I should have went on and gave him some, lol lol. He holds a distinction in my life: he was the first boys penis I ever saw, lol lol. One night we were on the porch and I was like can I see it and he opened up his shorts and I took a look, I wasn't impressed, lol. (and I didn't touch it). I do remember that. (but time changes that kinda stuff, lol.

Movie Mindspace 2/28/07

2007-02-28T13:38:00.000-05:00

Black Movie Star Power

It’s early in the year and I was wondering what some of the folks we love to see on the big screen have in the works movie wise for us in 2007/08. So I started looking it up and then of course wanted to share. All information comes from IMDB. Click on their names to go to thier page and read up on everything they have and are doing. You can thank me later for making this oh so easy for you :)

Morris Chestnut
Perfect Christmas (11/30)- A young girl turns to a department store Santa (Chestnut) in the hopes that he will help find a new husband for her divorced mother (Union).

The Game Plan (10/5) - An NFL quarterback living the bachelor lifestyle discovers that he has a 7-year-old daughter from a previous relationship

Samuel L. Jackson

2004: A Light Knight's Odyssey (2007)(voice) .... Fear
Lakeview Terrace (2008)(this looks good)
Black Water Transit
Cleaner (2007)
Jumper (2008)
1408 (2007
Farce of the Penguins (2007)(voice)
Resurrecting the Champ (2007)
"Afro Samurai" (2007) (mini) TV Series (voice) .... Afro Samurai/Ninja Ninja
... aka Afuro zamurai (Japan)

Blair Underwood
Nothing Currently Listed!

Larenz Tate
Nothing Currently Listed!

Monica Calhoun
Nothing Currently Listed

LL Cool J
The Man(TV/preproduction) - An undercover LAPD cop struggles to find a balance between his professional life running sting operations and his family life raising three adopted kids.

Nia Long
Premonition (3/16)- A housewife is shocked when her husband dies in a car crash and reappears the next day. She realizes it was a premonition and tries to avoid the tragedy.

Are We Done Yet (4/4) - Newlyweds Nick (Ice Cube) and Suzanne (Long) decide to move to the suburbs to provide a better life for their two kids. But their idea of a dream home is disturbed by a contractor (McGinley) with a bizarre approach to business.

This Christmas (11/30) - A Christmastime drama centered around the Whitfield family's first holiday together in four years. (this has a GREAT CAST)

Forrest Whittaker
Winged Creatures (2008) - A group of strangers form a unique relationship with each other after surviving a random shooting at a Los Angeles diner.

Where the Wild Things Are(voice)(10/3) - An adaptation of Maurice Sendak's classic children's story, where Max, a mischievous little boy, creates his own world - a forest in habited by fabulous wild creatures who crown Max as their ruler

Vantage Point (10/07)- With a Rashomon narrative style, the attempted assassination of the president is told from five different perspectives.

The Air I Breathe (5/07)- A drama based on an ancient Chinese proverb that breaks life down into four emotional cornerstones: happiness, pleasure, sorrow and love

Jennifer Hudson
Nothing Currently Listed!

Idris Elba
This Christmas(11/30) - A Christmastime drama centered around the Whitfield family's first holiday together in four years.

28 Weeks Later (5/11) - The film starts six months after the Rage virus has spread throughout the city of London. The United States Army has restored order and is repopulating the quarantined city, when a carrier of the Rage virus enters London and unknowingly re-ignites the spread of the deadly infection, wreaking havoc on the entire population.

The Reaping (4/6) - Hilary Swank plays a former Christian missionary who lost her faith after her family was tragically killed, and has since become a world-renowned expert in disproving religious phenomena. But when she investigates a small Louisiana town that is suffering from what appear to be the Biblical plagues, she realizes that science cannot explain what is happening and she must regain her faith to combat dark forces threatening the community

Clubbed (2007)(rumored) .... Louis

Richard T. Jones
Vantage Point (10/5) - With a Rashomon narrative style, the attempted assassination of the president is told from five different perspectives.

Oranges (2007) - No Info

(Ok, I've gotten tired, lol so I will just be posting the name and not the summaries - I will link if it sounds interesting)

Eddie Murphy
Shrek 4 (2010)
Untitled Eddie Murphy/Romeo and Juliet Project (2008)
NowhereLand (2008)
Starship Dave (2008)
Untitled Brett Ratner Project (2008)
Shrek the Halls (2007) (TV)
Shrek the Third (2007) (completed)

Queen Latifah
Mad Money(2008)(in negotiations)
Perfect Christmas (2007) Narrator
Hairspray (2007)
Life Support (2007)- True story HBO March 10th

Evan Ross
(This brother is working!)

Life Is Hot in Cracktown (2008)
Burning Sands (2007)
Brooklyn to Manhattan (2008) (filming)
Gardens of the Night (2007) (post-production)
Pride (March 23rd)

Gabrielle Union
Football Wives (2007)(TV)
Perfect Christmas (2007)
The Box (2007)

Denzel Washington
American Gangster (11/2) This looks good!

Wesley Snipes(Do I see straight to video?)

Gallowwalker (2007)
The Shooter (2007)

Ving Rhames(Damn Ving - on overload)

3/5 of a Man (2007) The story of Nat Turner! Awww Hell!
Glad All Over (2008) (pre-production)
Football Wives (2007) (TV) (pre-production)
The Perfect Game (2007) (filming) .... Satchel Paige
A Broken Life (2007) (post-production) .... Vet
Evil Angel (2007) (post-production) .... Carruthers
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (7/20)
Marble City (2007) (post-production) .... Rune
Ascension Day (2007) (post-production) .... Hark
Day of the Dead (2007) (post-production) .... Captain Rhodes

Will Smith
Time Share (2008)
Tonight, He Comes (doing the swirl)
I Am Legend (12/14)

Halle Berry
Class Act (2008)
Things We Lost in the Fire (10/19)
Perfect Stranger (4/13)

Regina King
This Christmas (2007) (filming)

"24" .... Sandra Palmer (21 episodes, 2007)
- Day 6: 8:00 p.m.-9:00 p.m. (2007) TV Episode .... Sandra Palmer
- Day 6: 7:00 p.m.-8:00 p.m. (2007) TV Episode .... Sandra Palmer
- Day 6: 6:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. (2007) TV Episode .... Sandra Palmer
- Day 6: 5:00 p.m.-6:00 p.m. (2007) TV Episode .... Sandra Palmer
- Day 6: 4:00 p.m.-5:00 p.m. (2007) TV Episode .... Sandra Palmer
(16 more)

Year of the Dog (2007)

Ice Cube
First Sunday (2008) (announced)
The Extractors (2008) (announced)
Are We Done Yet? (2007) (completed) .... Nick Persons

Terrance Howard(Slickback Willie is Working!)

Luke Cage (2008)(announced)(in negotiations)
Iron Man (2008)
Factor X (2008)
The Crusaders (2007) (pre-production) (in negotiations) .... Thurgood Marshall
The Brave One (2007)
Spring Break in Bosnia (2007)
Perfect Christmas (2007)
Awake (2007)
August Rush (2007)
Pride (2007)

Jamie Foxx
The Kingdom (10/28)

Kerry Washington
Life Is Hot in Cracktown (2008)
Lakeview Terrace (2008)
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (6/15)
I Think I Love My Wife (3/16)

Angela Bassett
Toussaint (2007)
Meet the Robinsons (2007)(voice)

Don Cheadle
Toussaint (2007)
Tishomingo Blues (2007)
Talk to Me (7/20)
Ocean's Thirteen (2007)
Reign Over Me (3/23)

Mos Def
Little Scarlet (2008)
The Brazilian Job (2008)
Stringbean and Marcus (2007)
Keep Coming Back (2007)
Toussaint (2007)
Be Kind Rewind (2007)

Martin Lawrence

The Better Man (2008)
Wild Hogs (2007)

Tyrese Gibson
Luke Cage (2008)(in talks). Luke Cage/Swoon,Tyrese as a super hero!
Transformers (7/4)
The Take (2007)

Megan Goode
Sundays in Fort Greene (2008)

Taraji P. Henson
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)
Talk to Me (2007)
Smokin' Aces (2007)

Spike Lee
Untitled Inside Man Sequel (2008) (announced)
Selling Time (2007) (pre-production) (in talks)
M.O.N.Y. (2007) (TV) (pre-production)

John Singleton
Luke Cage (2008) (announced)

Let's support our peeps!!!!

Mindspace 2/28/07

2007-02-28T12:00:00.000-05:00

Bringing It Back Concert Style

Well I am sitting here yawning after a somewhat late night with Justin Timberlake and Pink. First, let me say that I am SOO SPOILED with the whole seats in the box thing. How civilized is that place? I love it. I will have a hard time coming back among the rest of ya'll when we concert again, lol

We got there in a timely fashion and after getting marguritas which actually wern't that bad. The stage was HUGE! Pink commanded it pretty well and then she popped off on some ole Circus Soliel stuff and starting spinning from ropes in the ceiling etc. That immediately brought up grains of hate that rimmed my drink seeing as she had that kinda upper body strength. We intend to definately have someone teach us that next, lol

Justin's show was great. Alot of money was spent on his stage show. There were lights and sliding stages and lasers and spinning aparatus' and these really cool screen props that allowed you to see him and additional video and light shows.

The stage outline was actually a functioning bar - so those people sat right at the stage and got their drink on and enjoyed the show. Atlanta being the Attention Whore that is is - certainly produced Clifford aka T.I. for his performance on Justins Song. He looked like curious george with this red knit hat on, lol lol He got down though.

There was a segment headed up by Timberland that had me about to ask for some estacy. It was quite the alternative mixing extravaganze that included imagery of Mike, Aaliyah, Missy, some new folks he's dealing with etc. etc. Also TIMBERLAND HASN'T LOST A POUND! He's the same size he's always been - he's just made that mess hard by working out. That is not cute people.

Justin was alot thinning than I imagined and what I liked about him was that he was presenting himself as your average joe keebler. He was respecting the game and the influences he had copped to get where he was at - but he was not mimicking them. He had on a suit and a hat, looked like an old school insurance salesmen from the 80's or something, lol lol He also took time to showcase his 'talent' on instruments. Played quite a bit of piano etc. He certainly had enough material between the two CD's to carry a show the show.

As I looked around that arena in my birds eye view - it became apparent to me that you really can't blame celebrity and their penchant to start to trip good or bad. To realize that every seat is filled with someone not only coming to see you but claiming to love you is overwelming. Especially when in the big scheme of things what you do is...entertainment. I am almost sure that most 'celebrities' sit sometimes on their toilets and just laugh laugh laugh at the luck of the draw. Amazing.

He sounded very good, he was dancing his ass off and it was a good concert. Here is a clip courtesy of Youtube of the concert, lol Gotta love em!

Because now I'm feeling all 'poppy' - I wanted to combine this with a Wayback Wednesday Moment and paste two of my favorite performances featuring him.

Mindspace 2/27/07

2007-02-27T10:24:00.000-05:00

Laughing at....myself

I was riding to work this morning trying to decide if I was going to tell ya'll this story, and just burst out lauging and was like "yea - if I'm going to be more real, then you need to see me beyond surface level"

Let me begin by saying. I have this uncanny knack to just be clumsy and basically just not be able to stand on my feet. I don't know what in the world happens to me.

It began a long time ago. I remember declaring my love for a boy by stepping outside my door to google at him at the bus stop, slipping and sliding completely down the walkway and landing at his feet, lol. I remember the very first time my late husband came to visit me at my fathers house, me falling down the steps and landing at his feet in a heap. The funniest party? My daddy goes "Don't worry, she just does that sometimes". I think my equilibrium is just off or something.

Here is another classic Pamalicious moment, chronicled on the Emancipation Blog. Yes really, I fell forward while on the toilet and basically my forehead caught me on the edge of the tub. Seeing as I'm short and squatty, I couldn't reach the ground to push myself up and couldn't get the right momentum to swing myself back up. So I just sat there for a minute - until I finally could rock enough to reach and eventually pull myself up. I had a spot in the middle of my forehead that day, lol.

Since it comes and goes, I sometime forget about it. Lately, however, my "Final Destination" moments have reappeared in a big way.

Here I am sitting in the living room watching TV and chiling with Caun. I had a glass of my diet Wylers Cranberry punch and it had alot of ice in it. Well when I tipped the cup, everything flew forward and I hopped forward to not spill it on the couch and my shirt. When I stood up to prevent the spill, I tripped over the coffee table and went sailing, I righted myself before I hit the floor and then some kinda way tripped again, still holding the cup mind you, I am propelling forward and all I can think of is that it was gonna hurt so I was determined to NOT FALL! I got so scared as I slid into the kitchen that I then began peeing on myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally I got in balance and then burst out crying. CAUN came in the kitchen and had that WTF? look on his face......

When I am at work, I sometimes sit with one leg bent under me, well of course your leg will go to sleep. I had on a skirt and heels. I decide to move my leg to keep the circulation going and my heel snags in the hem of my skirt - BLAM! I try to get up and just hit the floor of my cube. So now I am tangled up in the chair on the floor in my cube!!! A public location! I do the infamous hop up and just get to walking, lol lol lol Lawd help a sista! I laughed about that the rest of the day. Just plop all over the floor of the cube!

And finally..the story that sparked this whole thought..

Hmm so we were 'doing what grown folks do' the other nite and I was doing this whole sissors move (LOL) Well our bed is still on the floor and so we end up utilizing the floor nine times out of ten because for some reason black folks always make it an olympic sport, lol lol As I was flipping around, we started sliding on the floor - my shirt, which I still had on, started sliding as well......right around MY NECK! So we grooving and at first I didn't really care but then it started getting tight. I was at an angle and so all my weight was moving forward thus tightening the shirt even more. OH MY DAMN, I'm starring in a Snuff Movie and didn't want to! So I'm in a mental quandry. I'm almost there but yet I can't breathe (LOL). CAUN isn't noticing anything - he's bout ready to slide into homebase! TOUCHDOWN! and with that I am totally bereft of air. I start beating on his back and he mistook that move as apparently unadulterated pleasure and proceeds to use that as feul to his own HOME RUN! Now I'm totally out the mood and....SCARED! Dayum! Dayum! HOMERUN! He moves into recovery mode but now all his weight is on me pulling the shirt TIGHTER! He opens his eyes and I am there clawing and gasping for air! He hops up and I rip the shirt off and let me tell you I was scared as shyt! I was taking huge gulps of air. My neck had strangulation marks all on it and everything. So I can safely say that yea it was sort of provocative to be choked a bit while doing the do - but I won't be going down that road again anytime soon! It took a good 30 minutes before we fell out laughing about that one.

So there you have it - I got ISSUES, lol but I certainly can laugh at myself about them and I give you permission to laugh about them too :)

Birthday Mindspace 2/26/07

2007-02-26T21:00:00.000-05:00

CAUN turns 39!

Not A Sean Jean...WATCH!

Well Cauns' birthday went fabulous! We had a goodtime just celebrating how wonderful he is and has been to us. I left work around 12:30 and got the house all ready. Now I am tired, but I still have a bit of homework to go. Enjoy the rest of the pictures.

Tomorrow - It's all about JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE in the VIP box! OH YEA!!

We are a family of decorations!

The Gift Table

Surprise! Happy Birthday!

Mini-me and CAUN enjoying the first of several trips to Sean Jean Land

Is that a pillowcase that says Pam & Reggie forever? Thanks Ma!

LA Lakered Down! He's beside himself

The Birthday Meal. Lamb, Steak, Bowtie Pasta and Asparagus

The Matrix candle blow out

It was a good birthday!

Mindspace 2/26/07

2007-02-26T10:38:00.000-05:00

HAPPY SAVIOURS DAY!

Monday Musings

Wow about Jennifer Hudson. Every once in awhile they have to show the masses what they claim this country was built on. So that little gal who was just trying to be a contestant on American idol, who was told "she wasn't in the big leagues" and then she disappeared from public eye only to come back in a remake of a Broadway Classic and win every Theatrical Award on ONE FILM. Amazing! I still say that she needs to be very careful. She's like a 9 year old that gets skipped to the 8th grade. Yes they are plenty intelligent to belong with the 13 year olds but developmentally they are still....9. I hope she has the right people guiding her career because my first question is with the drought of good sound black movies; um what is next for her in terms of pictures. However, with her winning that opened her up to be the 'black friend' in some mainstream stuff - so we'll see. Eddie just having "Oscar Nominee" by his name will boost his work and Will Smith needs to win something!

Forrest Whittiker made my eyes mist. I think the last hurdle will be one of our 'normal everyday all black cast films' - getting best picture.

This weekend was cool. We went to see Daddy's Little Girls and Stomp the Yard at the drive in and that was cool. Sakinah fell asleep on the second movie, lol Tyler is getting better - but instead of watching Color purple all the time - he needs to watch The Best Man. That was one of the best examples of multi-storyline development that all led back to one main story and ended. Tyler, to me, keeps writing for time instead of story. It's like he said "Ok I got 15 more minutes - and he just wrapped it up. HOWEVER, Idris Elba was to die for! Whew Lawd! CAUN actually told me to go ahead and get it off my chest cause I was about to pop, lol lol. I wish they would have actually had more real frats/soros to flush out Stomp the Yard and I'm sorry but were they all on the Masters Pledge Line. Good Lawd, they looked old.

We also took a field trip to the Mountains of GA in our quest to go back to Vegas. I'll leave the name of the resort out, but it was about 45 minutes past Lake Lanier which means we were IN THE MOUNTAINS. Georgous resort and what not, but I wouldn't own any property up there. I told them that though I know their company and their creed or whatever is in line with everyone enjoying their resorts and facilities - their clientele might not feel the same. The chance that us moving around on the resort and feeling 'not wanted' was just great. There were more ZZ TOP's and Confederate Flags than I wanted to see. I would have to own my property in like Florida. I can be around keeblers all the time and be self sufficient, however, not in the GA Mountains. So we went through the whole presentation and let me tell you those condos were nice and I would like to move into having a vacation property in the future. I want to begin to travel more and more, but not right now. So we sat through deal after deal after deal until we were dismissed. We got our trip and actually it wasn't too strigent - we can't travel 7 days before or after a major holiday and it needs to be, of course, tuesday-thursday but that's cool. We gonna try to go the week after my birthday. Also we got a scratch off and we won a week either in Aruba/Puerto Rico/Jamaica. That one doesn't include airfare but the Vegas trip does. We want to try to take that one on our first anniversary. We also got a rebate for the Gas we used to come up there - so it was all good. We got our blackness OUT of the mountains before nightfall, lol.

Otherwise, the weekend was the weekend. Errands and other household things. I discovered (1) my own head of hair and (2) how to use the ceramic iron, so I will be rocking what God gave a sista...this week. I know don't keel over and yes I will be posting pictures,lol I have finally decided on a plan of action for the head and I'll talk about that later.

http://www.GlitterMaker.com/

Yes today is Caun's 39th Birthday! I think I'm more excited than he is, lol I am just a celebrating sista. I have the fandango planned for this evening. Even Mini-me is excited. Unfortunately, you'll just have to wait on the pictures etc. tomorrow.

Here's a funny tidbit: My late Husband was born on Christmas Day and Caun is born on the most holiest of Muslim (NOI) days. I tell yah! I think it just makes me feel better knowing my men need to be men close to God,lol

I can't wait to get out of here to let the celebrating begin. If you would like to leave Caun birthday wishes, please feel free to do it via the comment section here. He reads the blog and will be most appreciative!

p.s. If you would like to know more about Saviours Day - just click the link under the flag.

Mindspace 2/23/07

2007-02-23T10:59:00.000-05:00

Falling from my thoughts

Feeling as if I'm moving in slow motion today
32 ounces of water already today - thats alrighty nah
I am neglecting my weight loss blog - maybe because I can't type and eat with a clear conscious
Got our "Welcome Aboard Norweigian Cruise Lines" email. Aww sooky sooky nah we really going. I'm so freaking excited.
Did I tell ya'll I retired shorts from my wardrobe last year? I now just wear cropped pants. Personally, I have never looked right in shorts to me because I am so squished up in the middle - so when I turned 40, I retired them.
My secret pal gave me a bounty of sugar babies as a gift. I guess they really don't like me to be giving me spun crack like this. I will be getting this OFF my desk
I suddenly burst out lauging at the notion that if I were in HS, I would certainly have had my ass beat for my cockiness by now.
Yet I'm not ready to become humble
I'm thinking up opening up the RFP (Request for Proposal) to acquire a new female friend, I don't know just yet.
I will be glad when I get closer to graduation so I can plot out my post-graduate Delta Pledging
Am loving the makeup kit that I got from Ebay. My eyes are looking quite fetching
CAUN looking at me crossed eyed cause I got on a 'look at my titays' bra today under my sweater.
I'm looking at CAUN crossed eyed cause he sure smelled good as he told me the AKA Convention was downtown. Nigga Wha.....?!
Tossing shade at someone who is wrong as two left feet and still getting blessed.
Before the day is over I will belong to MYBLOGLOG this should be interesting
Welcoming any new folks who have tapped into my adventure - HEY WEEKENDS OFF!!
Going to the drive in tonite. Yea we still got the same drive in I went to when I was little, lol Going to see "Stomp the Yard" and "Daddy's Little Girls" $6 for both baby!! Bringing blankets and steamed milk to get cozy. Though it shouldn't be too bad - it's suppose to be like 67 today
In our pitiful quest to go back to Vegas, we doing a timeshare tomorrow up in the mountains to get a trip. Yea we know it's probably the usual stipulations: travel at 3am on a wednesday, with 1 bag and a red book bag, no toothpaste allowed, bring a copy of Biggie's First CD and your umbilical cord but we trying!!
Finally a new "Anthem" has risen to the top. I held on to 'Walk It Out' for awhile cause then they came out with the remix and Andre 3000 was smoking on that, but alas I need a new one and MEM's "This is Why I'm Hot" has been given the honor! Yea that hook is fire and right in line with my current delusion that I'm the shit, lol
Did a little 'spring/summer' shopping. I LOVE jumpsuits. I got this one in black, some bold silver jewelry and these sandles I got and it's HOT!
I love the hair style I'm rocking, but I think it's catching my hairline and since I'm not rocking a lace front, I need my front - so I gotta give my head some air. I think I might actuall (gasp) wash and wet set my own hair before I put it up in braids. I did decide that I"m cutting it off whe I get back, just biding my time.
Why do I feel like Jennifer Holiday is going to BUST A LUNG on the red carpet Sunday trying to out do Jennifer Hudson. The levels of pitiful this whole stunt represents, SIGH
Sign it's time to 're-retire' and I am telling you - I almost sound decent singing it, lol lol besides - it's become again the big girls national anthem and I'm growing tired of it.
Amazing Race - OH YEA All Star Edition, should be good this season.
American Idol - I liked the first sista and her hair. That last sista (And I'm telling you) was OKAYYYYY. I wasn't tripping like everyone else. The guys better step up their game.
Four Days till Justin Timberlake Concert.

Well, I hear an echo so I guess that's about it. Next week is jumping off with the most exciting:

MONDAY IS CAUN'S BIRTHDAY!!

That will be a two parter definately!

Mindspace 2/22/07

2007-02-22T14:15:00.000-05:00

A Tisket A Tasket

I ain't got shit in the basket, lol - I'm bereft of words right now. I probably will be back later. Here's some stuff for your afternoon break, lol

By BET.com Staff Writer

Posted Feb. 21, 2007 -- Comedian Paul Mooney profiled the "Top 25 Events That (Mis)Shaped Black America." Check out the complete list below.

25. Jheri Curls
On behalf of furniture everywhere, lay off the activator. Michael hair's caught on fire, there is a lesson there. Was the Jheri curl ever cool?

24. Hurricane Katrina
Hurricane Katrina was the costliest and one of the deadliest hurricanes in the history of the United States. Katrina formed in late August during the 2005 Atlantic hurricane season and caused devastation along much of the north-central Gulf Coast of the United States. Most notable in media coverage were the catastrophic effects on the city of New Orleans, La., and coastal Mississippi. Criticism of the federal, state and local governments' reaction to the storm was widespread. Kanye West will long be remembered for his comment about George W Bush. Where were our leaders and WHERE was the help!

23. The ‘N-Word’
Is this a term of endearment in the Black community? Is it ever acceptable to use the “N-word?”

22. The Counter Intelligence Program
Nicknamed “COINTELPRO,” it is that the vehicle by which the FBI and police investigated and disrupted the activities of Black political leaders and organizations in the United States. Among the subjects were Martin Luther King’s Southern Christian Leadership Conference, the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee and the Black Panthers. The founding document of COINTELPRO directed FBI agents to "expose, disrupt, misdirect, discredit, or otherwise neutralize" the activities of these movements and their leaders

21. Elvis
Sure, there were others – including Paul Whiteman, Benny Goodman, Pablo Picasso and Pat Boone – but Elvis was perhaps the biggest and most impactive of the Black-culture pimps.

20. Negative Images in Hip Hop
The defamation of women in lyrics, deaths related to gangster rap and how they reinforce the notion that it’s cool to be a thug, sell drugs and exploit women.

19. The ‘Bling’ Phenomenon
The “bling” phenomenon has converted old-fashioned ideas into new-fangled fads. “Bling” has been tied to blood diamonds in African, fueling the suggestion that African Americans are more interested in petty materialism than in community investment and growth.

18. Welfare
Government financial aid doled out to certain individuals, groups or entities that are unable to support themselves, Welfare has become like quicksand for far too many African Americans, in the eyes of a growing number of Americans. Is the Black community guilty of taking advantage of Welfare? Stereotypes about Welfare.

17. Justice System / Prison
Why are all our men locked up? Are we given a fair shake in the court system? Is legislation, like the Rockefeller Drug Laws, created specifically to target Black men?

Is there an event you thought should have made the list? Hit up the message boards and talk about it on the left.

16. Color struck
With “paper bag” tests and all the other nonsense that comes along with self-hate, the Black community has been plagued by a psychological disease known as “slave mentality.” And don’t forget the subsets of self-hate like the adoration of “good hair” and disdain for broad noses, thick lips and anything remotely reminiscent of our Black African heritage.

15. Ward Connerly
No Black man has worked so hard to maintain the White man’s gargantuan head start.

14. Supreme Court
Known for such landmark injustices as Plessey v. Ferguson, the Dred Scott decision and the 2000 election debacle, the U.S. Supreme Court also provided a few not-so-repulsive surprises, like the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments and Brown v. Topeka Board of Education. How does Thurgood Marshall and his successor, Clarence Thomas, fit into the High Court discussion?

13. Ronald Reagan
Perhaps the first sign what Ronald Reagan would mean to Black America was when he decided to kick off his presidential campaign in Philadelphia, Miss., with a crowd of Klansmen in attendance. The city was most famous for the murders of three civil rights workers in 1964. His presidency arguably destroyed the hopes of a generation. During his term he attempted to dismantle of public education system and created “Reaganomics,” which hindered prosperity from trickling down to the Black masses.

12. The Bombing of Black Wall Street
The sight of a happy, affluent Black community was too much for angry, jealous Whites in Tulsa, Okla., in 1921, and a false rumor was enough to spark a mass riot that left hundreds of African Americans dead, and a swath of Black homes and businesses burned to the ground. Perhaps the saddest fact associated with this historic atrocity is that the U.S. government and local media were complicit in the death and destruction.

11. Soul Food
Sure it tastes good, but it will kill you. It is fatty, salty, with too much sugar.

Is there an event you thought should have made the list? Hit up the message boards and talk about it on the left.

10. Gangs
Crips and Bloods who fight for streets they do not own. It is a blatant war on Black unity.

9. Hollywood

8. Murders of Malcolm X and Dr. Martin Luther King
The deaths of our two greatest leaders at early ages left a void that has never been properly filled. Their lives were cut short in the midst of their most important work. Are we living up to their dreams?

7. Proud To Be Dumb
When did it become cool to be dumb? When did it become corny to be smart? Why are some Black kids “too cool for school?”

6. The Ku Klux Klan
Forged during Reconstruction, to beat back the advances of newly freed slaves after the Civil War, the KKK erupted into a fraternity of White supremacists bent on the annihilation and anarchy. It later expanded its web of hate to include, Jews, Catholics, foreigners and gays. The Klan’s usual tools of destruction are terrorism, intimidation and perpetuation of ignorance.

5. Apartheid
South Africa’s brutal system of racial segregation, enforced by the White Afrikaner population for nearly five decades, apartheid finally ended in 1994. But it took a string riots, murders and martyrs – in addition to mounting pressure from the United States and other nations to label South Africa a pariah – to force the racist regime’s hand. In a true reversal of circumstances, Nelson Mandela, South Africa’s most powerful symbol of resistance to apartheid, ascended from longtime political prisoner to president of the troubled nation.

4. Religion
The fact that both Christianity and Islam condoned slavery is an undeniable stain on organized religion. But on the flip side, Quakers and others who believed that slavery was blight on humanity, manned the Underground Railroad and waxed eloquently against its evils. In addition, the Black community’s faith in a better society carried it through the throes of inequality.

3. AIDS
If it is a biological weapon, it’s a brilliant one. What else has the power to begin emptying out the continent of Africa while wiping out the Black inner-cities of America? There are more than 40 million AIDS orphans in Africa; in the United States, Black Americans, who comprise only 13 percent of the U.S. population account for more than 40 percent of all AIDS cases.

2. Drugs
Crack, heroin, cocaine and alcohol are the most efficient ways to undermine the Black family, Black progress and Black ambition. They are far more effective in destroying Black folks than lynchings .

1. Slavery
If this doesn't speak for itself, I don't know what does.

You KNOW you wanna dance to it! No, it ain't about the sexuality - it's about the absurdity that this man spent some kinda money to make this video, lol I am hating however on his pearly whites, I gotta get me some veneers, lol lol Oh and does anyone remember a song called "Push Push in the Bush?" or am I going crazy?

BACK UP! BACK UP! You're crowding HIM! Get Yo Hot Breath off of him! Please don't make me react! (lol)

Mindspace 2/21/07

2007-02-21T10:52:00.000-05:00

That which is Mini-Me

Ahh my baby. I haven't spoken about her in awhile, but she is doing fine. Four months into being thirteen and still standing, lol. As I hugged her last night and completed a ritual we have had since she came out the womb, I thought about when I held her entire body in my hands and now how I just kinda awkwardly hold her face because she looking me in the eye. How I would be tucking her in at this ritual and now I'm telling her she better be in bed by 11 now. How I would go downstairs and make sure her clothes were laid out etc. and now how I just go downstairs. My how time flies.

I think I mentioned before that as my journey unfolded and all kinds of things were popping off to and for me - she was experiencing the Jr. and when you think about it forced upon version as well. 2006 was a year of alot of "Come sit down mommy wants to talk to you" conversations and they aren't over yet as our world continues to twist and turn.

I wonder sometimes if I've done right by my child and then I squash that thought. I've been blessed to move about in this world and make things happen. I don't have any regrets as to how I've manipulated my life or jobs or anything else to raise my daughter. I've been SOO blessed in this area to have support systems that have faciliated me leading a somewhat 'charmed' single mom life. I went on assistance (yes that is a chapter of my life) after my husband passed so that I could stay home with her. I then switched to Widow benefits so I could stay home some more. I acquired skills that allowed me to work 'traditional' 9-5 Monday-Friday hours. I developed budgeting habits (that wern't right but worked) that kept us with an active exploratory lifestyle. I carved out an untraditional social life to take care of me, that allowed me to take care of her. She has had a seamless, well adjusted, well traveled, well fed/clothed/taken care of life. You damn right I'm poppin my collar on that one.

I worry about the effect my messed up family is having on her, the condition of her cousins, the lack of 'family' like she would want it. My issues with all of this and how that affects her. My lack of religious interest and it's impact on her life living in the bible belt. The world out there and the effect it's having on her. The cracking of the careful shell you place around your child is happening to mine's and I just dont' want her to fall out the egg.

She is a good child. She's never given me any problems and even today as she deals with all the things that comes with 13, she is still a good child in the house and more importantly out. I can clearly remember I dispised my mother when I was 13. Wrote volume and volumes about our disconnect and the foot in my neck. I worked hard to make sure that I had her by the waist but did not have my foot in her neck, so I know she doesn't like me, but she doesn't dispise me and that's a good thing. Most 13 year old don't like their parents, lol I'm glad that we are having a 'normal' mother/daughter relationship at this point. I can't ask for anything else.

She is a good student. She wants to succeed, she is in love with herself and that propels her to want to be the best she can be, yet it causes her great pain because she's constantly bombarded with others who give her self doubt. I want to cry when I see my baby trying to 'be' like 'others' while understanding that in reality they probably just want to be like her. I dont' want her reaching DOWN to be accepted, I want her to make folks reach UP. However, logically I understand that 'belonging' at 13 is so important. But the mother and the cocky mother with the beautiful child in me has to really quell the Matthew Knowles in me cause I gots me a Beyonce DON'T HATE!

We did a little exercise where we asked her to write things other 13 year olds can do/have/participate in that she can't and then the flip side of that. The first side made us laugh aloud at some things and just shake our head: apparently 13 year olds can choose what they want for dinner and don't have to sit down with the family, dont' have to be off the phone at 9:30pm, can have boys call, get money automatically when they go to the mall, get a new outfit and sneakers every month, have myspace pages, get relaxers and a couple of other things. The list on the reverse was way more telling and poignant, she doesn't have to get up and get her brothers and sisters ready for school cause her mom just got home from work, she doesn't have to wonder where her parents are, she is not being abused and/or molested by her step father, she has every modern convenience, she travels extensively, she sits down with her parents and eats a meal cooked by her mom most nights, she is exposed to theatre, art, drama, she has....parents now, she was not exposed to bad men her mom was dating, she is not left to fend for herself, she is allowed to be...13. Hmmmmm.

Mini-me has after 13 years (reminds me of CL Smooth's song TROY) got a father in the house. He arrived just in time. Pushing ahead of Raekwon and nem looking with their 13 year old dicks and minds alert and bricked, mortared and spackled a STRONG introduction to the wonders of man. She was wide eyed for awhile, but now very quietly and slowly, I've become a figure running tandem with her but in the background. It fills my heart with indescrible joy when she bounds down the steps to get 'her time' with CAUN. She wants him to come upstairs, she wants to show him things, she has conversation, she asks him questions, she puts him to the test. She made him a Valentine Day card and it came from within her and not from a template of 'you should do this'. I will NEVER be replaced in her life, but the joy that is having two is evident.

So every day is a new day and you never know what's going to happen. We might get joyful, singing Mini-me, or we might get whining mini-me, or we might get I"m going to my room mini-me or we might get a mini-me that needs to reprimanded. We have more hurdles to address from I'm not sure I like this whole younger sister thing to I dont' know if I want to visit my family, they work my nerves - but we are going to make it.

A most prolific moment happen in Vegas. I presented her with a necklace before the wedding and she said "Mom imagine one day you will be putting this necklace back on me because it's my wedding day" Hmm, let me stop - I'm about to....cry.

Mindspace 2/20/07

2007-02-20T11:13:00.000-05:00

Forward Movement

Hey! Well I'm back in the office and the drama is raining like a monsoon, lol I'll deal with it around 11am, lol lol Maybe 11:15 depending on how I feel, lol. CAUN said his throat is starting to scratch and I betta not had given him the cooties that I had, lol lol Dang I hope not. Cause men sick is a whole nother ball game.

So Friday's post was quite an eye opener for me. First of all, the entire having my husband and my ex writing on the same forum is a huge self affirmation that (1) I made the RIGHT choice in man and (2) that I must be one hell of a woman, lol lol A quick bit of background. If you were a reader of The Emancipation, you know about Mobetta - he and I were an item for about 3 actual years and about 1 cyber year in addition to that. He was a very important catalyst in my life in terms of dating grown men and understanding how to be in a grown relationship. That relationship opened the door to the journey to where I am today and the blessing that is CAUN. That being said, Gearsofwar and I have known each other cyberly for a number of years. I can't even tell you how we met - I no longer remember, but we've never met in person, lol lol We just chat and he's an avid reader of the blog.

So after reading the three entries and laughing a long time at the psychosis that is Gears - I honed in on the other two which represented my present and my past and that offered me alot ofenlightenment on my own self.

"Another thing I loved about Stormeka was she was not desperate to make this work. She let it come to her. She was not clingy, whiney or attention needy. She did her while I did me. And finally together we did us."

What CAUN said was quite powerful because he confirmed that Pamela had made...GROWTH. Alot of times and I think I've said this before we can be 'working on self' till we blue in the face but unless it's noticed by others - you might not be making any progress at all. The person who he met - was not necessarily the person I have been in my life. I was quite surprised actually of the person who CAUN met and fell in love with, lol I am glad that while I was 'working' in 2005 that I actually have seen the results! My spirit is in quite a place now and I am so thankful to God that he allowed me to take that journey and be on it for real and actually come out on the otherside to all the riches that are afforded one who makes a real journey and not just a lip service one. In recent months here - I have had a whole heap of that believe you me and the same behaviours and patterns are in effect and the people are getting the same damn result. Me knowing that now I have the right foundation to that which is Pam spurs me on to work on other parts of myself, because there are other parts that need work. I don't necessarily believe that you never finish - because I think you can get to a place of stability, but always check your gears and make sure everything is moving smoothly.

Which leads me to Mobetta. The first question on alot of folks mind was 'how could you date a man who has that attitude about women?" Well how do women date Hugh Hefner and how do women date George Clooney and other men who have decided to remain 'single', lol. This is the thing - I will take to my grave the notion that it takes this many to be one of me......LOL (take that any kinda way you want). This is the otherside of...regret due to an inability to commit. The other question is "was he like this when you dated him?" On the flip side of the relationship, I know that this didn't just appear and that probably he was. Let me say this, he can sale water to a drowning man. He's the consummate date, entertainer, bullshit artist. I don't mean that in a negative way. I like those kinda men,lol I married one, lol - There are alot of men who operate in this manner and just like he got his four, these men have their number of women. All the growing and sighing about 'how could..' is just that, in my opinion, growning and sighing, because sistas are in these arrangements, especially corporate sisters and that's just the way it is. He's a great date, he's articulate, he's cultured, he's fun, he's attractive, he got money and benz and pools and knows his craft well......it just wasn't what I WANTED. That relationship in comparison to the one I have now was a total personal fraud. I said things and did things and took things that I really didn't want to. I lied to myself about myself and became someone in alot of respects other than myself. NEVER AGAIN!

Ahh Gearsofwar, lol lol Harsh and to the left, but not far from the mindscape of alot of brothers. I got one comment and I'd like to bring it to the front and what I said in response:

Anonymous:
I don't know where you got those last 2 so called men from, but they obviously don't like women. They have been screwed up sounds like a long time and there seems to be no hope in sight. It's just sad to hear that there are men still out there that have that kind of mentality about women. I just pray that there are more men out there like CAUN than there are those last 2.

Pamalicious:
Is it that they don't like women, or alot of women time and time again are not liking themselves thus the outcome.

We all have bad relationships and have made decisions that we regret - but believe you me more and more I am feeling Scott's 'Women say one thing and do the exact opposite'.

These men are what's going on and as you can see - they don't have a shortage of women available to them - not - at - all. So it's saying something about all of us.

I still maintain that we dictate the dating and mating scene - they wild cause we wild. We stop, they can't do anything but stop, because they will do whatever to make sure they stay connected to us.

I stand by what I said. Well let me go deal with the drama.

Mindspace 2/19/07

2007-02-19T14:00:00.000-05:00

Monday Musings

I don't feel like blogging right now. Tomorrow stay tuned for the analysis of Friday's Fandango. Here are some pictures - PEACE!

All Star Mindspace 2/18/07

2007-02-18T23:15:00.000-05:00

I am having some issues with not being in Vegas for that many celebrities-dayum!

Today was just cold, but I ended up going out because CAUN caught a flat and I had to go help him. That led to the mall and then dinner.

Today was about mini-me. I have been trying to be more sensitive to the plight of being 13. It is barely working when I spend $90 on two pairs of cropped jeans and a pair of sneakers. I just end up pissed. I have to get over this. I get so flustered and overwelmed at the mall (I have spoke about this before).

I did see some things I liked. I think a lot of it has to do with single mom syndrome and how will I pay for all of this. The other is much more embarassing, and it looks a lot like.....selfishness. Yea to spend $90 on that stuff means that I have to sacrifice...again. The needs of your child just grow and grow but your money doesn't. At some point you want something and the older they get the more it takes. I am hyperventilating just typing this. Bras panties shoes hair oh my.

Another thing is just a basic mentality of we got jeans why do we need more. Things like clothes just are not on my radar. So the I'm 13 I need.....just behooves me.

I vow to work on it. I see it being difficult.

Well I am typing and all of a sudden the chocolate moon of my husbands ass is across my lap. So let me um...go.

-filed from the Trei

Mindspace with cold 2/17/07

2007-02-17T11:45:00.000-05:00

Well that 'one sneeze away from being sick' has caught up with me. I feel awful. I took some medicine, but it doesn't seem to be working.

I did get up and try to do a bit of cleaning. I attempted yesterday to go and begin the name change process, but that went to the left. Negroes everywhere! I was number 856 and they were on number 730-you know I left there. I need to go downtown. I'll get it done.

I booked our cruise and now we are on countdown to level 10 fun! We can't wait to just relax and chill. We will be driving to New Orleans, which should be fun in itself.

I was thinking last nite, when I woke up at like 3 am-if the blog has run it's course. Sometimes you have to know when to bow out gracefully. Has my happiness become isolating? Have I began trippin? I think I kinda got off track when I started making it kinda cookie cutter. I want to show some more of me and my different sides. Speak more about the world around me. Open up more doors, so that's what I will be doing. I feel like I have silenced myself. Falling into old discussion group habits. So I wanna get my mojo back and begin speaking more to myself and not my audience, bring it back to a more diary mode, be prepared....

I also thought about the happenstance of all the convos I have on a daily basis with folks. You wouldn't believe how much information I keep catalogued on the daily. Sometimes I can admit I get tired of folks constant hamster runs but feel honored that folks feel I am a vessel of some sort.

Well I think I will lay down. CAUN worked today and should be home soon.

Ok exactly why did Brittney Spears shave her hair off and go bald? Beyonce looks real good on SI. Seems she took those pictures when she was doing Dreamgirls looking at her weight. Go gurl!

-filed from the Treo

Mindspace of Men 2/16/07

2007-02-16T06:42:00.001-05:00

Friday Fandango Men's Special!

We are interrupting the usual foolywagness that is Friday Fandango to end the Valentine Week with a BANG! Earlier in the week, I asked if anyone wanted to pick the brain of some of the men I knew. Well we got one question and I thank whomever sent that.

In the meantime, The Brothers thought this was such a good idea that they just decided to write a piece for today!

CAUN, MOBETTA and GEARSOFWAR have put fingers to keyboards for your reading pleasure.

So let me shut up and let the men speak! Enjoy!

CAUN

First I want to say that I married my better half. Never did I think I could find someone with so much in common as I. I enjoy being married. I had been on the internet for less than a year and already I found what I wanted.

How Stormeka caught my attention was not complex or brain science. It was simple….she didn’t give in so easy. She took her time to know me and allowed me to know her. She didn’t play any games. It was up to me to accept her. I like that. Also, as I opened up to her about me, she saw me for the potential I had rather than the past I left behind. But also on my end, I was ready to settle down again.

There are 4 things I look for in a woman. These 4 things are essential to me. Whether they are to another man I don’t know. The 4 things are Age, Looks, Weight, and Attitude. There are others like employment and children but the first 4 are the most important. What was also important was what am I bringing to the table.

I have to admit that as men we will bring the lies to the table while the women bring the drama and all they’ll have is fast food (quickie) After the fast food they both realize why they can’t make a good meal. I didn’t want to juggle women because if I did that then I couldn’t be a good father because every person in my life needs my time in one way or another. And Stormeka didn’t blame her past relationships on me. I am not judged and she is not lied to.

I realized that while out there dating I noticed that a lot of sisters did not look at themselves real hard and ask are they the material the man, they would like to have, is looking for. A lot of them can not handle brutal truth. I can understand that a woman does not want to be stepped on, walked over or ran through. But also is it right to be overbearing, argumentative and stubborn when you are trying to build a relationship? Also opening your legs first week out will not keep a man. If that is your preference so be it. But you are wondering what happened to him, think about it. Why should he call you back?

Another thing I loved about Stormeka was she was not desperate to make this work. She let it come to her. She was not clingy, whiney or attention needy. She did her while I did me. And finally together we did us.

Sista’s I do recommend that if you are with a man and you feel like you are not his only one, then don’t make him your only one and close the candy shop until you feel you are the only shop he is coming to. Brothers I didn’t mean to put it out there like that but I got 3 daughters and I have got to teach them the game before the game teaches them.

I don’t know how this piece will be taken but I did speak what I have experienced. Hopefully this will enlighten somebody.

MOBETTA

SINGLE, MIDDLE AGED & LOVING IT.

Another Valentine day has come and gone and I realize now how much I
enjoy being single.

I have approximately 4 different women that I date on regular basis and
I did the customary gift thing for Valentines Day. They were nice
gifts, but nothing special that would say you are my one and only.

Personally I think the holiday is a big ball of nothing, but that's a rant for
another day.

Here is a little background on me. I have been married and divorced
more than once. I have seen the ups and downs and life and I have kids. I am
over 40, financial sound again, new home, 2 autos. I am well educated
and have a pretty good paying professional job. I know now I will be
single until my maker calls for me. I finally figured out why.

I was born in the early 60's. I was raised by a woman who was dedicated
to her home, her man, but was still strong in her life and pursuits. I
think I failed at marriage cause I was always looking for that woman
for myself.

I would say most sisters I have met in the last 5 years are closer to
Norbit's wife than Claire Huxtable. Now both of those fictional
characters are over the top, but there should be many somewhere in the
middle.

Most sisters I feel live by the creed, "do unto him before he do unto
me". So whether it's finances, cheating or whatever, they are running
game from the start. So I decided to keep them at arms length.

So I got 3 things I can offer sisters I date, a good time, bubblegum
and Wood..... I just ate my last piece of gum.

GEARSOFWAR

I'm going to be 40 on in a couple weeks. I'm in a serious relationship with a beautiful woman. I've never really dated in my lifetime. I can literally count the number of real dates on 1 hand. Women ask me why i don't date? Why should I? I can get sex without the wining and dining. I never understood why guys would spend money taking a woman out just so he could get in the panties. Now that being said, I've have taken a few select females out if I'm REALLY feeling them. But if I get the panties before the 1st date then we aren't going out.That's just a rule I follow.

Here are a few more rules i think all men, especially young men should know.
1. Never trust a woman.
2. Never break rule # 1.
3. The only time a man can be sure his woman isn't cheating is when hes
screwing her.
4. Women will say one thing and do the complete opposite.
5. Never trip over a female..Women come and go.
6. Best cure for a broken heart.New Pu**y.
7. the more you push a broad away,,, the more she'll cling to you.
the more you sweat her,,, the more she'll play you casual.
8. create a little distance between you and your broad, and always have a life outside of your girl, give her the gift of missing you.

I hate to say this but i think I'm a chronic cheater. I'm not as bad i used to but, I have strayed. Women need to understand that if they aren't doing what makes their man happy then another woman will. And I'm not just talking about sex.

Mindspace 2/15/07

2007-02-15T09:48:00.000-05:00

How Does It Feel?

Well we've been married long enough, where this question has started to pop up. Next Tuesday will make a month that I've been Mrs. Caun. Time actually is not going fast and I am savoring every single second.

CAUN says that folks have asked him and he really doesn't feel any difference, because he's been in this relationship and on this path for awhile now. Interesting, his statement leads to exactly how I feel.

I think that all of us have these 'needs' and 'wants' that we accumulate in our lives in terms of a mate. Now sometimes these lists are the very thing that stops us from getting with someone, and sometimes these list end up surprising us with their relevance and sometimes the list we made ends up not having anything to do with who we ultimately end up with.

My list, I can admit had alot of superficial things on them because I am a bit cocky and shallow when it comes to some stuff. I was hell bent on a tall, very attractive man. I don't veer from that and pride myself in consistently dating universally fine men. Not just fine to me, but nine times out of ten, fine to a whole bunch of people, lol I tried again and again to work on that, but it just wasn't happening, lol

However, the deeper more profound list was that in my lifetime I never have felt genuinely....loved and adored. The last man who gave me that feeling, and thus the only man, was my daddy and that started a crack like obsession - to achieve that high once again. I've been in a couple of relationships, because I was a serial monogmous and in all of them - I've loved only to not be loved in returned. I've had love but no man has (in my opinion) been IN love with me. Made that decision to move heaven and earth and whoop ass etc. on my behalf. I've felt alot of pain in my lifetime from this lopsidedness.

So how do I feel? I am finally a princess again. From the moment we acknowledged our love for one another CAUN has plain and simple been IN LOVE WITH ME. Marriage has just allowed the finality of that. I don't want to be a Queen in my man's eyes - that's too much work, lol I want to be a Princess and that is what I am.

CAUN is a Knight in Shining Armour and he's been doling this out to Toads for awhile now - him finally having his Princess has also brought him a great amount of peace. He carries me around and I wipe his brow and it works for us! God brought the right set of personalities together. My heart has relaxed and I can just be me.

I can say that I think he's rare, he is comfortable and manly about how he loves his woman. We both felt that we had wasted alot of our positives on people who didn't appreciate it like we wanted them to and our main coming together started on mutual appreciation of each others fabulousness, lol

I am very real with mine. I want to be be cared about. and taken care of. I feel as if I can say that and feel that way because I come 90% correct with mines. CAUN wants for nothing, I take very good care of him and always will. I enjoy my position and make sure that I stay on top of it. I free his mind and his spirit up to be about the business of moving us to the next level and he don't come home to ANY nonsense. I just need (as well as he) the freedom to operate. Joining with someone who also was looking for that is a blessing!

I also like the fact that our relationship is so intimate. We both make it our top priority and I don't think this is a passing fancy. I'm sure for others, when you been out there and you know the choices and the issues - if you finally get 'it', you take that much more seriously. I cry...more often than I care to admit during our lovemaking sessions because I'm just so gotdamn happy and satisfied.

Living alot of my private thoughts in a fantasy world - having connected with my King and being given the Princess crown and treatment I have wanted in my life has been a blessing, I can never get humble enough in my opinion about.

So how does it feel - it feels like the feeling I get when he tucks me into bed in the evening after having brought water for my bedside table, it feels like when he rubs my feet while we watch tv, it feels like when he's just as attentive to my daughter setting a VERY high bar as her first go round with how a man is suppose to be, it feels like how if I cook, he cleans and vice versa, it feels like all the laughter we have on a daily basis, it feels like my ringtone that says "Mrs. Magnegro your loving husband is calling", it feels like how he lotions me up, it feels like how he squeals like a kid because he just wants to sit around and cup my breast (lol), it feels like the warm rag he has by his bedside, it feels like his boy crying at our wedding cause he felt it too, it feels like arts and crafts and glitter and rose petals, IT FEELS!!!!!!

Mindspace 2/14/07

2007-02-14T07:57:00.000-05:00

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

I walked down the hall towards my cubicle and began stepping on rose pedals! As I turned into my cubicle, his scent was everywhere as I looked at the decorated cubicle! Happy Valentines Day banners, A trophy for being the 'worlds best wife', a bear, rose pedals everywhere and he did ARTS and CRAFTS with a wonderful card and my name spelled in hearts and glitter!!! I also got "The Pursuit of Happiness", by Chris Garner. Apparently he had come up to the office and they let him in after I had left yesterday! GOD I LOVE THIS MAN!!

Last evening he gave me a really nice heart and diamond costume necklace from Ashley Stewart and when we got in the truck this morning - the back seat had things for Mini-me.

Tonite - dinner at Ushers Restaurant and SOME GOOD LOVIN!

LAST YEARS VALENTINE POST

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day! In all honesty, I don't think my whole Valentine Series went over that well. Maybe if I were 'one of' instead of having stepped to the 'other side'. Oh well - I'm not going to curb my excitement and the love I have for my man, I been on both sides and I have respect for both sides and the people on both sides.

As a matter of fact - because I keep it real, here's some things you can cut and paste if you like.

Valentine Mindspace Keeps Going 2/13/07

2007-02-13T15:30:00.000-05:00

Odd Relationships

ATLNEWBIAN sparked an additional thread, lol thanks! Before I begin, however, I wanted to just say what you already know - these, unless otherwise indicated are my opinions and they may or may not be skewed when bumped up against yours :) I really don't have any concrete answers - just experience like everyone else. So, if this series turns you off or anything - sorry.

So anyhoo - I want to talk about some of the 'odder' dating situations I have found myself in.

The Phone Relationship

Due to the internet, we now have the ability to meet folks that don't live in our immediate area. These relationships can be harmless enough and alot of people don't even count them as valid, but they can be. I remember (and you can get ready to laugh) I 'dated' a Brother for almost a YEAR and never once laid eyes on him in person! Yep! And we both considered ourselves to be dating. I met him while I was 'teaching' at PCDI. He called to see about one of his Juvie's (he was a cop). We struck up this conversation because he had the sexist voice ALIVE! Lawd have mercy! He started calling and asking to speak to me and eventually, I broke protocol and gave him my home phone number. We took it from there. I'll say up front, it takes a interesting personality and a bit of a deviant to maintain this kinda thing, lol Ultimately you do have a social deficiency of some sort, lol We would 'date' by say going to applebee's and then calling each other and actually dating. We did alot of things together like that. We had an intimate relationship as well - I think we invented the 'phone bone' LOL LOL LOL He was a musician and would go on gigs and set his cell phone up and I would listen to him play, lol lol There were cards and little gifts and all kinds of things. Eventually, I met someone in person and my attention started to be distracted from phone time and we broke up. I remember it was very emotional. I think that I was able to do that because (1) I was at a period in my life where I didn't want the face to face interaction but wanted the communication with a man and (2) I had withdrawn into my own world and this didn't impose on that.

The Long Distance Relationship

As you all know, Mobetta and I were a long distance couple. We met on the net and it spiraled from there. This relationship can be expensive especially if you live longer than a short car ride away. In all honesty, I would never start a relationship that was long distance. If we were together and it became long distance okay. What I learned about the long distance thing is that I personally am a vulnerable person and whereas I thought that I didn't need in person one on one attention - I did. Nobody wanted to move or give up their lives - which ultimately means - you dont' want to be together. The phone relationship was actually easier because you hadn't tasted the fruit only to then be denied. Long Distance is one long honeymoon. It begins and ends with the persons arrival and departure. However, what I have learned is that the relationship is the stuff that's in between that. I used to pride myself on being able to withstand all kinds of uniqueness in a relationship. Well once I stopped defining myself by others - I discovered that, I needed touch, smiles, interaction even if it were during a fight. In Long distance, sometimes you table all of that because it's about TIME and TIME is precious.

The Internet Relationship

I've never been involved in a total internet relationship, in terms of calling myself 'dating' someone who I only speak to on the internet. Well I've been in an abridged version of this with Mobetta, but that's about all. This relationship is kinda deep because it involves a whole heap of your time and the capacity to be quick witted as hell with your writing skills. I think I would get bored with this type of thing.

Even Mo Valentine Mindspace 2/13/07

2007-02-13T10:56:00.000-05:00

Take Notes Ladies!

Courtesy of Jay Clayton - real interesting site check it out!

12 Steps To Successful Dating In 2007
#1 Realize That You Do Not Understand Men
Unless you are a regular visitor to this site, trust me you do not understand what a man wants! Men are very simple creatures. All a man needs is food, football, a little loving, and quiet time! I have seen women spend loads of money on books, lingerie, videos, and seminars on how to please men. I laugh because it is so simple. All you need to do to keep a man is make sure his belly is full, provide a peaceful place to watch the game, and satisfy him sexually.

#2 Don’t Buy Into The Myths
In 2007 don’t believe the hype that supports negative stereotypes against black men. Some of the more popular negative stereotypes are:

Black Men On The “D.L.”

Every black man that you meet is not “suspect”. According to the United States Census Bureau 10% of the population is reported as being gay. There have been no spikes in the gay population. Closet homosexuality is no more of a problem today then it was 50 years ago. Just because you are a single woman does not mean that every black man is gay.

Black Men Want To Marry White Women

According to the United Census Bureau 93% of black men marry black women. This is the highest incidence of same ethnic marriage for any group in the world.

There Is An Epidemic Of Black Men Going To Brazil For Sex

99% of black men can’t even point Brazil out on a map. Less than 1% of black men have ever been to Brazil. So there is no epidemic of black men going to Brazil to find women.

#3 Improve Yourself To Improve Your Dating Prospects

I come across women all the time that are shocked that they can’t keep hold on to the type of man that they desire. Some women expect to attract a man even though they have nothing to offer that man in return. Most women desire a man that is decent and has accomplished something in life. Just remember that a man is looking for a woman that can compliment him. Men marry women who compliment them, and who they view as being on their same level. So the next time that you say you need an educated, physically fit, accomplished man, make sure that you are the same. Take a long hard and honest look in the mirror to judge if you are up to par.

#4 Be Yourself At All Times
Men do not want to have relationships with women who try to be what they think a man wants. Whether right or wrong, a man has already made up his mind how he is going to treat you after your first conversation. If a man is truly serious about getting to know you he is going to accept you and all of your imperfections. Most men do not expect women to be perfect. Nobody is perfect.

#5 Depend On Yourself For Happiness
A mistake I've seen women make, is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled. Sure there are situations and relationships where this happens, but those are the exceptions not the rule. Nothing says, "Run!" to a brother faster than hearing or even sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her. The men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the healthiest, loving, nurturing guys out there either.

#6 Step Down Off The Pedestal

Not to be rude or harsh, but guys do not like women who are full of themselves. I hear women all the time whom wonder why they have a masters degree, a good job, house, and yet no man. These things are not the source of a man’s primary attraction! Having a degree and a good job makes a woman responsible in a man’s eyes, not necessarily a good catch! Ladies you can have more degrees than a thermometer, but if you don’t know how to cook or please a man you will have a hard time keeping one.

#7 Date Who Makes You Happy
Too often I see women relying on their female friends to define what type of men they should be dating. If you meet a “decent” man that makes you happy, do you really need your friend’s approval? If your girlfriends are really on your side it does not matter how much money a man has, what he looks like, or what restaurant he dines at. All that should matter to your friends is the man’s character and how he treats you. In 2007 focus on making yourself happy, and don’t worry about your friend’s approval.

#8 Take It Slow
Women often make a big error in judgment when they find a man that they are attracted to. They simply tell the man how much they like him too soon! Big mistake! Ladies you have to think about this from a man’s point a view. A man that you consider to be attractive has dated several women. This type of man knows from considerable experience what to expect out of women, and he is very accustomed to women trying to “lock him down” If a woman says to a man "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates. Big Problem! This signals to the man that you're just like one of those "clingy" stereotypical women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control themselves from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives. This does NOT spell ATTRACTION to men.

#9 Either He Is Into You or “NOT”

What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he is just not that interested or isn't as serious? Right! They try to "convince" the man to feel differently. Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION. You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning”. If a man doesn't "feel it" for you, you will never be able to win his heart no matter what you do?

#10 Pay Attention To Men’s Signals

Some women get caught in the trap of needing a man to express his feeling towards them, the way they would expect a woman to demonstrate. If a man is really interested and serious he may never tell you, yet he will defiantly show you! If he washes your car, lets you hang around his friends, or miss football games to spend time with you, then these are the ways that a man will show his feelings. Do not expect all men to verbalize their feelings. You have to judge a man by his actions and how he treats you.

#11 Respect A Man’s Money As You Would Your Own
This is not 1947, in 2007 both men and women work. Actually on average black women earn more than black men. Dating can be very expensive.

Dinner at the Olive Garden for two: $45

Movie with popcorn and soda for two: $30

A very modest date can easily cost $75. How many women are willing to spend $75 upfront to get to know a man on a 1st date? Right!

Men adore women that respect their money. Think about it.

#12 In 2007 It Takes Two
Do not miss out on a great guy by playing too hard to get. Serious minded men enjoy a woman who can suggest a place for a date, or pick up the phone to even arrange a meeting. I admit, that men do enjoy the “thrill of the chase” but typically with a woman that has show some signs of interest. Playing hard to get works in the movies and on television but in real life with guys that have dating options. Show signals of mutual attraction and interest by inviting the guy out on a 2nd or 3rd date.

Valentine Mindspace 2/13/07

2007-02-13T10:41:00.000-05:00

Ask Some of Pam's Male Companions

Have you grown tired of the advice your male friends give you? Would you like a wider audience? Well here is your time, because I'm sharing some of the Brothers I know...WITH YOU!

If you have a LOVE and LIFE QUESTION that you would like some conversation on - either post it in the comments or hit me up and I will post the questions and answers on Friday, February 16th.

Three of the Men I know will be giving up what they know: CAUN, MOBETTA and as yet an unidentified friend (got a few IM's out, lol).

So what you wanna ask? They got a wealth of "You Can't Handle the Truth" knowledge they are ready to depart!