The Illusive "Other Shoe"

There is this 'smoke' that drifts over my relationship with CAUN. It does not block our progress or love, but if you stand still, sometimes it makes your eyes sting a bit. What is it? It's the 'your relationship/you all are........PERFECT and there's got to be something wrong' smoke. I've heard it since the beginning some whispers and some just outright shouts. It comes in many forms:

• He can't be that perfect?


• Do you ever think that there's another shoe about to drop?


• You mean to tell me you all don't argue?


• There's NOTHING that is a red flag in this relationship?


• It can't possibly be that good?

Now CAUN either doesn't hear it or just ignores it, because he's good at that. Things to men are a bit more prevasive as well and they touch on thing like

• I can't believe you with her


• She looks like your momma


• She's not your speed


• What she doing that got you going back?

The last category just entails, folks generally doubting that we will make it and that some 'sheen' will eventually wear off and we will hate each other.....like everyone else.........

It burdens my heart and believe you me, I have a PhD in cyncism - that happiness for one causes so much pain for others. Happiness is such a mind blowing concept for alot of us, that seeing it causes our sugar to rise and we go into a state of shock.

I could go off on a tangent about the fact that I've been single for 12 1/2 years, and it might be my time, but I won't...that conversation is tired at best.

CAUN and my relationship is the stuff movies are made of and since I am a pop culture student, it is fitting that when I finally get up on it - it's exactly what I would like. CAUN has this saying "Did cha ever think?" and to be honest NO and that's what' makes it all the much better.

What exactly is so incredulous that two people could connect on a level that allows them to be at peace with one another. That's what folks are seeing. Everyone talks about how they don't want no drama - but few people actually practice it. We are in the habit and the practice of having no drama in our relationship. This is not something we've sat down and made a proclaimation about. It's just something that.....is. We have identified what outside influences will bring drama to our lives and thus we need the time and space to deal with that; so why add to that pot? LOL.

From the first day that I met him, we clicked - alot of folks click then, but upon further investigation - we really clicked about alot of stuff. Surprisingly it's not necessarily the things that folks think you should click on. Our lives have been night and day, we don't share the same religious beliefs, we don't share the same work ethic, we don't share the same past relationship stories, we don't share the same family dynamics HOWEVER, we share the same resolve about self preservation and self improvement. We both understand that rhetoric is just that - rhetoric and if you are not out here in the world putting your idea into practice - you can work on yourself till you fall over dead and only YOU will be the one that has decided you're....fixed.

So I'm sorry folks - but CAUN and I are on the Groove Train and it is flowing smoothly. We don't have drama with our kids adjusting, we don't have money drama, we don't have attitidue drama, we don't have household roles and responsibilities drama, we don't have sexual drama, WE DON'T HAVE IT!!!

In a typical day we tell each other we love each other about a dozen times. EVERY conversation is ended with I love you. We hug and kiss each other several times a day. We laugh non-stop every time we are in each others presence. We joke around, we talk about each other, we check each other, we conflict resolution and we push each other to do better, we talk about our pasts and add input and viewpoint, we consult with one another, we coax each other to express, we deal with EACH OTHER and not just here's my plate, here's your plate - we at the same table, nah we need to be on the same plate and that which isn't - we need to make sure we're tasting it daily as well.

See when we've talked about it, we came to the conclusion that what makes this work now and will make it work later (since we building foundation premarriage) is that we didn't package ourselves up in pretty ribbon and bows only to be opened and discovered to be wrapping paper covered...shit. In doing this, we either had to 'accept' or 'reject' and we always had an out clause. I mean come on - we are 40 and 38 respectively, exactly how difficult is it to decide "ok - this I will accept and this I won't and if there's something I won't - is it a deal breaker or an opportunity for us to lift each other up?". Now I know, that ALOT of folks are so set on SELF that they just cut folks down with all their lists, must haves, not gonna do's etc. etc. Well we both had lists to - but, our lists were about not 'what have you done for me lately?' but 'what should and can we do for each other?'

So sure, relationships and marriage are not a walk in the park all the time - but that doesn't mean that happiness can't be achieved or that two people can't come together and live in a state of happiness most of the time. I advise everyone to define Happiness and then first seek it for yourself and then let someone else in to share it with.

I'm Happy, my man is Happy - we are ESTATIC together and the rest - - - I'll let those people deal with that unto themselves........

And yea - check back in with me sometimes, cause I know the cynics are saying "It's new it will wear off" - we'll see, that's all I can say..we'll see.