The MWC

We all have cliques and groups of some sort. I belong to quite a few, some by default and some by choice. The women's club, the bloggers clique, the 40 and over group, the BTW c/o 84 clique - the list can go on and on. As you go through life you also move from one group/clique to another group/clique by circumstance and/or choice. Some groups you make an effort to get into. That is my case, I am soo excited to FINALLY be back in the MARRIED WOMENS CLUB!!!! Oh Yea!!


There's alot of talk about the fact that 'being married' ain't no big deal and things don't change. Well they do. It is a different vibe. You are more invested, you are more conscious of the relationship and you are more worried about the results. There is also (at least for me) this calmness and feeling of security. It also can bring about new worries of course. Especially when you reach my age bracket - you can get caught up. There is this 'feeling' that comes over you when you can finally say for instance "Hey you can call my husband" or "in case of emergency so and so, relationship: Husband" or "Hi I'd like you to meet my husband".

There is now this 'journey back' into the land of being single. You remember it, you know all about it - but you do tend to ponder on it differently. Secretly you do say "Whew glad I'm not dating anymore" or "Man if I had to be out there again" as well as, "Back when I was single". LOL

Also if you think that being married is not a come up - then you're sadly mistaken. I have came up ROYALLY. Having a husband just works. My time has totally shifted, my pockets have totally been revamped, my bedroom has become this oasis, my swagger is definite. I am full aware that I can't get up and go put on my new shoes, grab my coach bag and hop into my Durango without the assistance of CAUN.

Speaking of the bedroom - my sexuality has changed. I don't have to monitor anything. I don't have to 'make sure he don't think I'm sweating him' or any of the things you have to keep in mind when you're single and dating. I can be a complete horndog and that's what it is. I can text, internet, phone and in person - let my desires be known while at the same time if I ain't interested, I know he's not going anywhere. There's no time limits or constraints. I can have a lover and booty call and if I want it all in one day, that too. Me and Myself don't hook up that often and when we do it's for totally different reasons. All the fantasies and all the desires etc. can be brought forth with no reprecussions. This is especially true being that I'm 40 years old. I'm in another zone with the whole thing.

My social life has changed. I have always been social, but once I said I do - come to discover that my friends have been having other functions that I didn't know about because it was for...married folks. Now I get invitations to stuff. Caun gets invitations to stuff.


When I go out with the girls - we have new topics to talk about. I am also forever grateful that the married sistas I hang out consider marriage important and their place in it important. Before I was married I never heard any just negro drama and now that I am on the flip side, there has not been a flood gate opened of "sistagirl let me tell you what this negro did" type conversation. We talk about kids, money, life etc. etc.

As a single woman, I was impatient with exactly what was the plan. I wanted to know and I wanted to know NOW! It becomes a very selfish undertaking "What about ME?" "Why can't that be ME?" "What's wrong with.....ME?" I would enter into things already preparing for the end. I saw the left curve in every relationship I've ever been in. It doesn't stop you from experiencing but it definately can put a damper on things. Soo much of your time (whether you admit it or not) is devoted to the 'task' of (1) meeting someone (2) making it out of the homegate (3) developing something and (4) having it been sane and forward moving.

I will say it and say it again, only when I took that selfishness and actually turned it inward and asked those questions of myself and then answered myself with the truth - did I even begin to free up some time to be available for someone, lol lol Cause there's answers and you know them. You grown, you know what your issues are and at first we decide that we need 'someone who can put up with us', but in secret we know that's asking alot, especially when we have a short tolerance level ourselves for nonsense. Some folks are just not dateable - there I said it. You need to sit it on down and just relax, you know if you are or not. There is varying level of drama and varying degreess of life journey - if your shit been on crunk since you were old enough to date and you keep on and keep on - just to say you are as opposed to really 'relating' and trying to launch a 'ship', then it's okay to take some time off. Stop putting yourself and others (cause you got friends who take these rides with you and maybe even children etc.) through it. Sometimes when we are still - we can hear.

No I have never consider myself an emergency case, on a scale from 1-10, my stuff is like a 4 - but it was enough to keep me on the merry go round. ONLY through the grace of God taking care of fools and babies, have I lived on this earth as an adult woman and not been scarred, used, had my child exposed to unnecessary drama or unfortunately the long litnany of things some of my sisters have had to endure. I don't take credit and I don't treat the blessing in a light hearted manner. I thank Him!

So yea I'm in the Married Womens Club and it's one hell of a club (at least for me). I carry my new card proudly - the inks still wet, but I think I am on the course to wake up one morning and it be all raggedy and torn but still being renewed on a yearly basis. I hope alot more of you are able to come on in, and that your mindset of "it's what I want it to be" is drama free, full of love, forward moving and the freaking bomb!

Hmm, let me go MY HUSBAND is calling me, lol lol lol