EXcommunicated

I was thinking about the 'degrees of separation' we have with people (my rule is there's six overall but only three between black folks) - and it made me reflect on Ex's. Those folks that you used to think was 'the one' - but since have moved on. I was thinking about the fact that every ex you have, has other ex's of their own and so on and so on - which then made me kinda ill when you think about all that sexing; but I digress.

Unlike some women - I have not been drug through the wringer by a man. My relationship tapestry does not include a third of the 'drama' that alot of sistas so gleefully hold on to for conversation purposes. Have you even been a part of a hen party where all you hear about is the 'men who done me wrong?' According to some sistas not one man they ever had an encounter with have done right by them, lol. I have heard some of the wildest stuff in my day and most of it, I just sit and absorb because it hasn't happen to me - so I really can't relate. I find it hard to relate to the sista who (1) doesn't need a man (2) Wants to play the game like a man all because according to them "Men should only be used for finances and dick". Hmmmm - okay.

Well because of this, **NAIVE ALERT** ** NAIVE ALERT** I don't have Ex's that I hate and I'm fairly comfortable that none of them hate me. I really don't see why we can't be cordial even friends. I mean when I think back the most drama I had was sitting Bros stuff out on the porch because he had crossed my line of 'respect' - however I don't consider him 'the enemy'. We spoke quite a bit after the breakup, until our lives took us in different directions and we just lost touch.


I sometimes wonder do men walk around bemoaning a relationship as long as women do? I mean some of us are still pissed at our 8th grade boyfriend and we 35 years old! What is the mechanism that makes us elevate whatever was wrong and Lawd could someone tell me why it was never our fault? Apparently there is a caveat as a woman that men mess up and we suffer.

During my Emancipation days - I thought back on my relationships and what happened. Actually I have not picked bad men, they all have been quite the lookers and intelligent, well spoken etc. etc. so what happened? I have a habit of picking emotionally unavailable men. Men who for some reason or not - are just not capable of commiting. Now what is funny is that for them, and I am secure in saying this because I've been told by more than one - I've presented the coveted "You restored my faith in women" Now ain't that a bitch? What a weight to carry on your shoulders. See my Hateration Entry cause the hair on my neck is starting to prickle a bit, lol I laugh at the whole notion however because it's like they took a break with me - but then they move on because once they sit on my couch - they really didn't want to get up - but were too afraid of what would happen if they stayed. This is why I take NO credit in the meeting of CAUN, because I would have never figured out how to pick someone who was actually available to love, lol I apparently had a lot of fun knocking on doors with empty rooms behind them.

Also during the Emancipation days - I went over a couple of relationships and dredged up what did I DO that contributed to it's downfall. YIKES! I was a needy heifer sometimes in my day As well as it's a hard lesson to learn that all men are not THE one and you shouldn't just give them what you would give the one - just based on the fact they were...men. Had to squash alot of 'teachings' to adapt to what's really going on in the world today. I heard that part - but I should have continued on to the part that said "Qualification is a Must". That would have helped....alot.

So now I look up and I'm with THE ONE and I'm happy, but I'm still friends with a couple of Ex's and have had conversation with a couple more since I got with THE ONE. It's real like that. Why can't we be friends - since I don't get with folks for dick, money and bling - everyone I've been with we established communication and things in common and irregardless of the fact we didn't make it romantically - we still enjoy communicating.

So what are the rules of engagement about this? Well - first off this is not a friendship based on analyzing our old relationship. If we don't have other things to talk about, then let life take it's course and you all will drift off anyway. Mobetta and I talk frequently via email and we never mention that we dated,lol there's so much going on in the world - our blip doesn't even count, lol. I speak with Italy on the phone and we both got so much going on - we don't mention it either. I also don't play the 'I got secret friends game' - I'm on the up and up - if you are my friend then my man knows about you and if you don't want my man to know about you - he's gonna know anyway, lol. I also don't carry torches. Now I know some of my original readers are like "Pam you ran the triathlon with the torch from you and mobetta" Yea well - it, to me was my only really valid relationship outside of my marriage - so it was GREAT FODDER for Blogging - however, the flame had extinguished...believe dat - even I know when to give it up/turn it loose, lol. Also, it's okay to let it go for whatever reason - I know folks that just feel like once the romantic notion is over let that entire person go.

So why is it weird when you are friends with an ex you haven't had a child with (cause that's a different blog, lol)? What's wrong with mature adults carrying on mature relationships? Why must it always be another 'reason' ya'll still friends? And are you ready for the possibility that your THE ONE might have a few Ex's as friends as well.......................