BABY I'M A STAR

ESSENCE MAGAZINE - 40 Fabulous 40 Year Old Sistas Series


Pamalicious is a 40 year old Atlien residing in Decatur. She's works in non-profit and is the owner of a popular spot in the blogsphere called "Pamalicious-theadventures". She's an busy mother and stays active with her friends and High School classmates. We caught up with her one Sunday as she was running errands in preparation to her upcoming nuptials the beginning of next year.

E: So you are a relatively new fabulous and 40 - how's that going for you?

P: Let me tell you, I am LOVING IT! This space I am in now is a stage and I just want to perform

E: How are you defining your woman now that you are 40?

P: I am still working on the total definition of Pamela. It's still a process. However, I feel the most sexy than I've ever felt in my life. This self awareness that you can develop & define your own sexiness and your own celebrity and YOU are the owner of your self-esteem. What a powerful feeling!

E: Mothering at 40 - what is that like?

P: (Laughs) Ahh I am the mother of a newly minted teenager (Her daughter turned 13 in October). Whew Lawd! Where I find myself is in an attack mode lately. I want to kick some major ass over my child. She's has one of the best spirits I know and that's adults included. I don't like that she has to try 'fit' into some of the situations young people today find themselves in. I don't like that she's lonely and that she is looked upon as 'square'. I've been there and no matter how much I tell her that in the long run - her maintaining her innocence and civility is going to make her a winner - it's not TODAY at 13 - so I ache for her. Stepmothering has been interesting, because coming from the polygomous space I was raised in, the lines are blurred about this - here's some more children come on down! LOL but that doesn't work out here. So I struggle with tempering who I would like to really be to not upset the very fragile apple cart that is those children's world. I am learning alot. First being - take all advice with a grain of salt, lol

E: You have had ALOT of changes in your life this year - how have you been handling that?

P: There has been so much positivity in my life this past year that I work HARD at understanding what it means and maintaining the aura which got me there in the first place. In my mindspace - this is not foreign, I have always been blessed. I have not led a particularily hard life and God has been merciful and beneficient and the bubble I grew up in was just enlarged, but I have never just been sat out here in the world - I have been promised since I came out that if I do A-B-C on any kinda level, I would be blessed with Money, Good Homes, Gifts and Friendships in all walks of life. I believed that and now some of it is coming to fuition. I need to stop apologizing that I haven't had this 'life' that unfortunately alot of sistas wear as badges of honor. I just haven't lived it and I sometimes feel that folks project what they got going on to me - Well I've decided (and learned) that's THEIR problem not mine. I have been in the situations that are in line with my life and are critical to my life. So it ain't been no smooth road necessarily, but I haven't had to crawl either.

E: Being a daughter/Sister/Aunt at 40 - any evolution?

P: Somewhat. The more I became comfortable in myself, the more I gave back what didn't belong to me in a manner of speaking. Giving it back to the owner has allowed me to free up some valuable space in my own life. Accepting that which I cannot change and in hindsight don't want to has been liberating. I am who I am. I have so much respect and admiration for the woman(en) who has helped me become the woman I am today it ain't even funny. I still have ALOT of family issues and most of them revolve around disconnection. Some serious therapy would probably help answer why - but you know what, why go there? It also is what it is. I believe that one day it too will come to a head and we will have to all sit down and come to some truth - some universal truth about it. I'll be there when the call goes out.

E: Love at 40 - what's that like?

P: (Begins to blush) Love at 40 huh? Well it depends on where you personally are when you get blessed with it. For ME, it has been pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. This is the realest as a person I have been with another person. My emotions are RAW, I tell you RAW. This man, ooo this man - whew! is all I got to say, lol

E: Wedding and Marriage at 40 - that must be interesting?

P: Who you tellin. My first time I eloped and actually there was no fanfare around my marriage. Well I want some this time, lol Planning is what I do - so the difficulty has been more about corraling in all the directions I would like to go in. We chose Vegas cause it speaks to our relationship and where we are in our lives the lights, the action, the shows, the...gamble. I have been 'trained' all of my formative years to be a wife and mother - I find independence in that, comfort, stability and peace - so I am quite looking forward to this period of my life.

E: Finally with all the things happening in and around you - - ARE YOU HAPPY?

P: Estatic! However, I am learning something about happiness, it must be tempered and poured slowly around others. It's like alcohol really and some folks have low tolerance. In alot of cases, I've decided to just go seek out fellow drinkers - because l'm in the party period of my life and I want to STAY INTOXICATED WITH IT!!!

E: In conclusion, if there was one song that you would say describes your life right this moment - what would it be?

P: I'mma have to give it up to Sista Stepfanie Mills and her classic "I Feel Good All Over"

E: Thanks!

P: You're Welcome