Singledom - Glad to be Giving it Up!!

Someone told me that I don't look single anymore - now I'm not sure what the hell that means, but it did give me some thought for todays blog. As of December 2005, I had been single 11 1/2 years. Yep! I used to hate telling people that, only because then you had to quantify by saying you had been in relationships just not married. Saying that doesn't make it any better. It's funny how another single person will decide that you're pitiful because you're single..just like their asses, lol.

As I have been reflecting back on the past and of course, now with it being clouded by love - or maybe made clearer by love, I can say that, though it went on longer than I might have wanted; it was a necessary chapter in my life. However - this ain't another I'M SO IN LOVE POST!

The lazy days of just sitting around internetting and watching TV are for the most part GONE! However, there was a certain level of ' pitifulness' when I did have all that time. When I think back over the amount of time I spent on the internet, frankly I'm embarassed to a certain degree. There is nothing wrong with the net and I will FOREVER be addicted, but there were periods where it was my whole life. Not being single anymore has given me a whole new outlook on that beast and the people I was dealing with when I was on there. It - ain't - the -same.

I never was a sista that 'came up' while I was single,lol I have no reciepts of any bills paid by no man while I was single. I never could figure that one out, lol

I always was so conflicted about my ultimate goal and short range ones such as physical needs. I did without for many a time because I could never reconcile the giving of myself for....nothing.

I never was the one that garnered the attention when attention is wanted. Such as I am the official pocketbook holder at clubs etc. I NEVER get asked to dance! NEVER! We used to go out and if I wasn't dancing with my girlfriends or dancing with a classmate then I wasn't dancing. I guess I just didn't look like the dancing kind.

I was single with child, which meant my range of motion was from the mailbox and back. What the hell happened to the teenage babysitter!?! I had money to spend but in the entire time - I had to rely on friends etc. cause I never got that babysitting thang worked out. This was stupid because the folks I knew were the folks I wanted to GO OUT WITH. I spent alot of time having a drink in the living room in honor of what I would have had going out.

Some people really do thrive in being single - it allows them them freedom to do them like no other situation. When you are with someone - you no longer belong to you and some people need to feel that self ownership. I know some VERY happy single people. I wasn't an unhappy single person - but it was not for me. I thrive better under the umbrella of relationship. My days are different now, my plans are different, my vision of life is different. My bout of singledom was obviusly divinely sanctioned and necessary for my development - but it certainly was not something I would have planned. Back in the day I used to wonder how my life would have turned out (1) if my husband had not been murdered and (2) if I had of been widowed without child. These are natural thoughts. God IS the best knower cause I think that I would have tapped into my inner deviant fo sho, lol lol lol

I pulled my single membership card out my wallet, some folks believe that until you say I DO - that card is still valid, but I married CAUN in my heart on the third date (now that should send folks into hysterics, lol) - so it's just in my wallet. I could keep it there for 'comfort' sake - but Nah, that's like a crack addict keeping a rock in the glove department while saying they are clean. Singledom served it's purpose - I am respectful of it and the game and admire my sistas (and brothers) who are doing the single thang - but I already got the lamination for THIS: