Heavy Heavy

Life has so many components to it and irregardless of which section you are choosing to focus on, the rest is moving right along.

That’s the case in my own life right now. I am overjoyed about the wedding and as we are now in SINGLE DIGITS till the big day, I am consumed with the last minute planning and purchasing. However, running in its own little space constantly fighting to get out and spill over into areas where it’s not welcomed is just D-R-A-M-A....


Mini-me gets in the car and just starts going off about she ain't go and she don't have and what does it matter seeing as I'll just go to the thrift or the payless. She mad cause she takes the 'nursery' bus to school blah blah blah. I'm darn bleery eyed at the barrage and I'm just like I can't deal with this right now - this 13 year old angst is off tha chain. SIGH.

So I deferred parenting to CAUN. He talked to Her ungrateful behind for a while and then he and I talked about her sense of entitlement and so when we get back - we are instituting the 'earn' it system. It's not to late - she needs to get this lesson. So I'm like hopefully this was the end and it felt good to pass the torch to him.

Well then I'm working on the welcome packs for the wedding and she comes down and hands me an envelope. So I stop and open it and read this two page letter. Lawd Please Have Mercy On ME!

“You may not have realized it, but when one of your relationships ended, it didn't just affect you, it affected me. For example, I loved MoBetta to Death. I guess I was just too young to understand that he was never around. But it really hurt me the most when I figured the reason ya'll broke up was because he was so neat and you were messy (LAWD). Then Grandmom told me that he cheated on you repeatedly with a younger woman (WTF?!) and I hated him for that, but eventually I just moved on.

For awhile I thought I was never going to get a Father. The used to
say things like "Pams had 15 years and Mini-me still doesn't have a dad or know how to act around men. I hated when they said things like that..”

Ever felt like striking out walking?! It is amazing the brevity and depth of the contrived manipulation that has based on this gone on for YEARS!

Now of course I could sit here and explain to the Choir that maybe I Should have just had Nigs rolling up in the spot every day - that might have appeased this FIFTEEN YEARS (especially seeing as Mini-me is only 13 and 15 years ago I was married to her father).

So I sat her down and thanked her for having the courage to put her thoughts on paper and present them to me. And then I explained the MoBetta Situation to her by saying that He and I decided as adults to end our relationship because we figured that maybe the relationship wasn't as strong as we thought since neither one of us wanted to give up our lives in the state in which we lived. I told her there was no drama and that sometimes in life, folks come for a reason and you take that reason and use it.

I also told her that she could take her time in going from Mr. CAUN to….Dad. That was something that may or may not happen with time, I loved her and this is a big change for both of us and it will continue to morph and expand and that as long as she continued to come to me and us no matter the means – she could send a text message – we would work it out. HUG SIGH HUG SIGH………VODKA!


There’s a ‘situation’ going on in my family that I am quite torn about.

I’m not torn about the actual need for the situation, but what is bothering me is the application of pressure, guilt and manipulative measures to try to move the ‘situation’ into another arena. The premise that regardless to whether the person intellectually understands, they have no right to ‘emote’ about it is warped thinking.

The cornering of my future husband, working in his own empty hole about the situation is an underhanded move. The assumption that it is my (and now) our obligation due to some conversation that was wrapped around – ‘the kinda family you want doesn’t exist and it is tradition in the African American community to expand their families by taking in ‘orphans’ that are in need of a home’…Uh Huh.

What I know is that one side of me ‘feels’ for the situation but another side of me grew up with a father who showed up quite regularly with wayward women bringing their children along, which has led me to want to have a life that is devoid of the ‘orphanage’ syndrome. As well as I have had interference in a marriage before and I don’t intend to bring them into this marriage. Call me cold or what you want –but this is DEFINITELY still on the fence! SIGH SIGH…..VODKA



Sometimes when we are in a situation we can’t see the forest for the trees. Cliché’, but oh so true. As women, a lot of times we push away the very thing that might be good for us and as we then spiral out of control, we grasp at whatever we can to provide leverage (in our eyes) against the ultimate crash landing - - even if it is our……children. But is this really a good sound sturdy platform to stand on? Standing on the backs of our children to preach ‘our’ interpretation of the gospel of how we feel about a situation we helped create only weighs heavy...on the child. Standing on our own two feet as a grown woman realizing our own shortcomings as well as how and why people come…and…GO from our lives is a much more stable platform to stand on if you ask me.

Crippling our children in the name of ‘hurting him’ has got to stop. My heart is heavy that waiting on the other side of the 20th are mallets pounding making decisions in situations they are on the outside looking in at – but when we put up darkening curtains attempting to block out the reality of our own lives and what we don’t want to see – it doesn’t change that it exists, it just keeps YOU in the dark…SIGH..SIGH…VODKA