A/S/L

What befitting way to welcome the Valentine Week than with a tour of the...internet dating sites. It's no secret that I have a platinum membership to the online dating club,lol It's been quite a viable way for me to date and I've learned alot about being on line and the men who frequent in general. So I'd like to take a moment to give you my pros and cons etc. about each site that is popular that I have knowledge of and any tricks of the trade about online dating to begin with.

Your Ad

Make your screen name count! One of mine's was 'Ray of Sunshine' - that stayed on folks mind. Take a positive non physical attribute of yours and morph it into a fun screen name. WetnNasty - skank! (Unless you are on a site that caters to booty calls).

So you wanna put you up a personal ad. First rule of thumb, please keep your life story to yourself. Men are visual and not really about reading all of your words, so you have to make the words you use count. Use some kinda draw him in word (that is NOT vulgar). Such as HEY BLACKMAN! WHOAA Can I talk to you?! something that will grab his attention - then in no more than one short paragraph - state your intentions - KEEP IT POSITIVE. DON'T list the things you don't like, this is an advertisement page remember! If you are on a site that asks alot of questions, don't disclose all, but don't lie. If you have children, say so, unless you bout to Flowers in the Attic them, and they will never be seen. Don't put down you are looking for a serious relationship - because you actually are just browsing looking for potential. I hate that part of the personal ad. Who goes into a room full of strangers and announces that shit?! Might work for keeblers but scares Brothers half to death, lol Keep your entire thing light and airy - it really ain't that serious and if you aren't desperate - then stop sounding like it, however, don't sound like you don't care either, because you do.

A word about pictures - Make them relaxed and submit two, one of your face and a whole body shot if you have it. Pictures do increase your traffic and being honest about the way you look will increase your own reality, lol. Keep your titties and ass off of display! Limit the amount of trick photography you use as well. A nice shot outside works wonders - natural light is the bomb! A nice picture taken of you on your couch just chillin is also nice - especially if you have some size on you, it will give a body shot, but not overpower anyone with your size. SMILE! CLEAN UP! Leave your children out of the picture!

The Sites
NOTE: This isn't a complete list and new ones are cropping up daily - however, these are some staples on the black dating scene that I know of.

Blackplanet: Now yes, I met CAUN on this site, but buyer beware, lol Blackplanet is slowly coming back on the upswing in a manner of speaking because there was a time where it was the worse kind of cesspool. That's what FREE will do to yah. Though they have an 'official' paying dating site - nobody really uses that,lol It's the original Myspace for black folks. You can sort by city/age/sex and then just preview pages and leave a note if someones page strikes your interest.

Likes: There is a wide variety of ages and because it's free, everybody and their momma has a page. It's easy to navigate and now you can see who has been on your page in passing with their pagelog.

Dislikes: The turnover rate these folks NEVER leave the damn site or update their status, Folks do wayy to much decorating etc. Beware of the married men!

Tricks: This is the beginning of the internet dating trail, lol You will run into alot of these brothers on other sites. Pay attention and when you do run into them, you will be able to collect more information based on what other sites require. Go over to the dating portion and just look at the pictures - print them out and then look through the regular pages - you should be able to match up some folks and learn their names, lol

Match.com: A pay site that is global and has heavy advertisements. Each portion of their membership has it's own ad campaign and they disguise themselves on other sites (like blackvoices). Make sure you go in through another blackweb site because then you'll be sorting through just that database if you are looking to date black only. Because of the limited 'free' portion, it's really a waste of time unless you pay.

Likes: Because it's like $19.99 and up to really participate, you do get a more professional brother. There is ALOT of information available on the person, Match.com takes itself seriously and says if you don't find a match (I don't think they mean mate but at least a date) you get six months free. You get alot of information on a person.

Dislikes: You really can't do anything but look unless you pay and after scrolling through a number of them it kicks you out to ask about you paying. Brothers can be a bit finicky over there because they have paid AND beware of the slick professional brother on that site. He got a couple more decadent personals somewhere.

Tricks: Buy one month. Take that month to scout. Approach as many brothers are you see fit - get as much off that particular site information that you can so that when your month is up - you can roll into a free environment like Yahoo messenger with certain folks.

Yahoo Personals: A pay site that is global and because Yahoo is soo popular and almost the standard for Instant Messengering it's got ALOT of members. You can look through a thousand profiles at any given time.

Likes: There are so many people, you may actually run into someone who doesn't do personals per say. The seach engine is great - you can narrow it down to a 5'6, average build Buddist Capricorn Brother who's a party animal who lives with friends and has 3 pets, lol

Dislikes: It seems that folks just sign up for it because they have Yahoo IM - no real action is taking place over there.

Tricks: Buy one month. Take that month to scout. Approach as many brothers are you see fit - get as much off that particular site information that you can so that when your month is up - you can roll into a free environment like Yahoo messenger with certain folks.

Blackpeoplemeet: Alot of people from blackplanet migrated over to this site. It's only $9.95/month and if you are about having alot of conversation and dating heavily this might be your best bet - but remember, with all of that comes a price - some subpar folks will be lurking. This site can become addictive, lol

Likes: Lots of people, a light atmosphere, all the players available at any time, lol You get to speak to folks in other states real easy. You can block folks, It's a social atmosphere - you can flirt, send b'day greetings etc. You can create a list of favorites and just look at your own personal fineness stack whenever you want, lol

Dislikes: Can become a popularity contests and an obsession as you spend more time seeing (1) who looked at you and (2) how many flirts you got, lol. Lots of players on this board but pound for pound - more fineness than I've seen on other sites.

Tricks: Go through and save a whole bunch of favorites, which will bring back a certain number of them to you. First day on this board - just sit back, your name is in heavy rotation and they will come to you - then go through and see who you might like to talk to. Try to remember folks because every time you visit it clocks you - so if you go to someone like 10 times mostly by accident, you've just moved into stalker mode. Stop and say hello to diffuse that, lol.

So there you have it - most communities have dating sites and black folks move in packs, so what's popular today might not be tomorrow. Right now the upandcoming is GREENSANDCORNBREAD. That name scares me to begin with. Another popular one is BOOTYCALL - hit it when you just wanna get your freak on. EHARMONY - you get your personality read and if you have no restrictions on who you date, I've actually heard good things about it, though it's expensive. BLACKCHRISTIANPEOPLEMEET, owned by blackpeoplemeet. Just what it says, but beware of false prophets.

Before I go here are a few other things that were on my mind:

• There is nothing wrong with online dating. It's 2007 people! Just like we sitting at our desks blogging and reading and what not, so are some viable, educated, employed brothers and sisters



• Treat it like the project it is. I kept an excel spreadsheet of everyone I was meeting of interest and ranked it each week. Print out profiles and keep notes, so that you can keep track of....truths and lies



• The stages of meeting in person: talk on the site, move them to your IM, move them to your cell phone, meet in a non-date situation if possible, like at the store, then plan date. It's alright to block someone at any of those injunctions



• Keep the sex to yourself, unless that's what you looking for. Don't be exchanging your lingerie pictures all willy nilly.



• Be honest with yourself! If you looking for possibly seriousness, then don't put yourself out there like you just a booty piece. If you looking for an aftermidnite friend - then play away, but know the consequences and how many other folks that person is with.



• Realize that men are not as verbally savvy as women and their typing might be off. Try to engage them in conversation, but don't disqualify them because their online convo is chunky.



• Predators are everywhere - not just online. Don't give out alot of personal information. Giving out cell phone numbers are common practice and in all of my years have I ever regretted it. I've never had a person continue to call me if the first convo went bad



• In this day and age, men are expecting women to be a bit aggressive online. If you see someone who strikes your fancy, speak. If you prefer they call you first - then stick to that or pick up the phone and call. Have a simple conversation already mapped out. Identify yourself by your screen name, site and then real name - and continue from that point on to use your real name



• Have fun! It ain't really that serious. Take this time to practice your interpersonal skills with men, approach that man you might not approach, speak to the man you might not give the time of day in your day to day life, practice how to flirt, practice how to socialize, work on your 'feelings' about dating etc.



• Keep track of a man of interest site. See if he changes it alot, if you see a page that was upbeat - slowly digress into an abyss, lol this means he's not meeting who he wants (including you) and he's getting pissed



• Don't track his online activities, because you don't want folks tracking yours. Yes online dating is addictive and you might go on a date and see that same man back online before the night is over. Until he officially comes off line with a verbal proclamation - then he's online and DATING. You do the same thing!

Well there you have it! All that I can think of right now. It's a bevy of information, but I hope you can get something out of it. Oh and if you need any help setting one up,etc. Drop me an email. So far I hold a four successful couple rate in terms of folks meeting and staying together longer than a year, lol.