The Best Of.....
I was reading Emancipation and was whew I was ON ONE. So I thought that today (since I'm a bit bereft of words right now) is post a couple of my goodies. Whew Pam - is all I got to say.
Originally posted Tuesday, November 29,2005
Hmmm, as I was pondering the fact I had Eighty Seven Cents in Checking and Twenty-Three Cents in Savings - I got upset. Not because once again my money is screwed, but because I've been duped. I wanna know right this phucking second - exactly
If I had of known the shit that I know now, I would have turned right the hell around and went right back inside the birth canal.
I've toiled it around in my head - all the years you spend itching to be 'grown' to do what you damn please etc. etc. etc. I must be at that point of adulthood, that pivitol point where lightening flashes, the sea parts and there stands....YO MOMMA! who by the way is laughing hysterically.
Every morning I get up and expect to be called to breakfast, to have it already cooked, my ironing already done - not have some kid swinging from my fallopian tubes begging for shit 24/7. I just grab my books and hop my ass to school, or it's the weekend and I can just sleep till 2 in the afternoon, get up cut on some Mike J. and watch TV and read all at the same time.
The only mail I get be my Right On and Black Beat Magazine and the only phone calls I get are from FRIENDS!
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - I gotta be an adult. I'm damn near 40 and I don't want to be - what the hell is that about?! I can't even fake like I'm young anymore; all the phuck up's I got going on I gotta take full responsiblity for.
All this pressure! Fix this, buy that, cook this, iron that, pay this, work these many hours, suck this - GET OFF MY BACK!!
Adulthood is not liberating, it's an electrical fence around HELL!!!!!!!
So what I can drink, drive (sometimes at the same time), Screw and Screw up my credit, have a place of my own to live by my damn self. I'm still not seeing the PLUSES!!
As of right this second I'd rather be sitting getting fussed at about not finishing my homework than the shit I got to deal with on the daily.
I now envy Mini-Me and want to go in there and drop kick her as she listens to her MP3 player without nary a care in her 12 year old world, lol.
overworked,
overemotional
underpaid
undersexed
ADULT!!!!!
Originally posted Friday, November 25, 2005
'Eat leftover Thanksgiving every 4-6 hours and call me on Monday - when you lethargic and backed up from all that starch' - Talk about following these orders, lol. I'm definitely already on my last leftover leg. It's different when there are family and friends around you so there is eating and activity, but the pure definition of sloth is Thanksgiving Leftovers, lol.
After wha.....10 hours of television and that much food, I am totally on brain fry. Now I'm thinking that the rest of the blog world is also on a fast slope to food overdose, but lo and behold some folks got were eating stuffing laced with ginkgo babola, lol. After reading The Phat Lady Sings followed immediately by ManNmotion - I was like Awwww Helll - they don got the old wires back sparking and God did I need it!
I feel like I want to add the third part of this what 'seems' to be chapters of a thought process - I'll title mines.....
Personal Hypocrisy
You know what that is, the action of 'saying' 'writing' 'debating' and 'expounding' on principals that sound real good, but that you may not actually follow. Man touched upon this -
As women (and as men, but I try not to speak for men - there are enough that will break it down for you,lol) we have a longgg list of things we won't put up with and a short concise list of things we welcome with a smile and open arms when it comes to relationships. Especially for the under 30 set (they scare me sometimes,lol).
Once you hit 30, the list starts to switch a bit and you begin the first phase of reevaluating all of your 'fantasy' and you add a bit of the no's to the yes pile. Now once you hit 35, you really start to look around and realize that the reality is a whole different ballgame than your best fantasy - so the list moves again and you keep some golden ones on your no list; because afterall, you do have to have standards.
At 40 the joke list includes: BREATHING, UPRIGHT, ERECTION AT LEAST TWICE A MONTH, lol. However, in your private moments, that shit is a bit accurate than we like to admit, lol.
Now emotionally - some things start to change as well. Depending on what road you have traveled, at various times you begin to examine your ever changing emotional needs. In your 20's it's all about remind me how fine I am, present me with gifts on a regular basis and blow my back out in admiration of me, lol. The 30's are about validate me as a mate, make sure the world knows that you have picked me as a wife/mother and read up on how to start connecting with me emotionally. Though I'm only 39, I am studying and feeling what I believe the 40's are going to be about and funny but it seems it's all about filling voids; feed my mind, my soul, my body things that you neglect sometimes throughout your life.
So what does all this have to do with Personal hypocrisy? Well alot of us consistently say 'we know what we want?' but if you ask a brotha - he will say without skipping a beat 'we don't know what the hell we want'. I have been guilty of this, I will sit up and sing from the rafters about how wonderful the blackman is and go on and on about they all this and that - but I have not talked to many a brother (who might have been good for me) based on stuff like: He's to heavy, he got to many kids, he got to many bills, he talk to Southern, etc. etc. etc.
The difficult part is how to hold on to your 'personal preferences and beliefs' but not use them to keep you from experiencing life and love. To exclude a person for say 'they didn't buy me a big enough ring' or 'we can't go to the Bahamas' sounds cold, but it sounds even colder coming out the mouth of a person, who a minute ago says they want someone 'to be there for them and their kids' - and you know for a fact that he's set them up in a nice house, he goes to all Jrs' games etc. but she kicking him to the curb about 'that personal hypocrisy'.
All of us run into it at some point and time in our lives, when we come face to face with what we have been running around telling everyone and usually it's not in the package with all the bells and whistles that we want it in. We see it in other people and it usually starts a conversation that begins "how did she end up with HIM?" You know we have pages and pages of that conversation on just about every black site about....Janet and Jermaine Dupree as a prime example. Are these so-called 'odd couples' actually the ones in the winners circle? Are they the ones who have hit that level of understanding about their needs, wants and desires and they have become more important than their 'preferences'.
Now I'm not saying that if you prefer a sense of humor and it comes in the package of a crack addict, you should go for that (lol), but at some point as we trapeze around with the self appointed 'got it going on crew' be it a woman or a man, we are going to have to look at what is EMPTY inside of us and start to rate folks on if they fulfill that.
I HATE being a hypocrite, so I'm really going to work on that. Now I'mma tell ya'll up front the short man situation is not going to work itself out (sorry), but when I run into the brotha that is willing to 'feel' for me and 'connect' with me and 'bond' with me, make time for me and need/want me when he not only is feeling bad but when he's feeling good and I start hearing 70's soul music for no apparent reason - then I'm not going to be a hypocrite.......
