How Does It Feel?

Well we've been married long enough, where this question has started to pop up. Next Tuesday will make a month that I've been Mrs. Caun. Time actually is not going fast and I am savoring every single second.

CAUN says that folks have asked him and he really doesn't feel any difference, because he's been in this relationship and on this path for awhile now. Interesting, his statement leads to exactly how I feel.

I think that all of us have these 'needs' and 'wants' that we accumulate in our lives in terms of a mate. Now sometimes these lists are the very thing that stops us from getting with someone, and sometimes these list end up surprising us with their relevance and sometimes the list we made ends up not having anything to do with who we ultimately end up with.

My list, I can admit had alot of superficial things on them because I am a bit cocky and shallow when it comes to some stuff. I was hell bent on a tall, very attractive man. I don't veer from that and pride myself in consistently dating universally fine men. Not just fine to me, but nine times out of ten, fine to a whole bunch of people, lol I tried again and again to work on that, but it just wasn't happening, lol

However, the deeper more profound list was that in my lifetime I never have felt genuinely....loved and adored. The last man who gave me that feeling, and thus the only man, was my daddy and that started a crack like obsession - to achieve that high once again. I've been in a couple of relationships, because I was a serial monogmous and in all of them - I've loved only to not be loved in returned. I've had love but no man has (in my opinion) been IN love with me. Made that decision to move heaven and earth and whoop ass etc. on my behalf. I've felt alot of pain in my lifetime from this lopsidedness.

So how do I feel? I am finally a princess again. From the moment we acknowledged our love for one another CAUN has plain and simple been IN LOVE WITH ME. Marriage has just allowed the finality of that. I don't want to be a Queen in my man's eyes - that's too much work, lol I want to be a Princess and that is what I am.

CAUN is a Knight in Shining Armour and he's been doling this out to Toads for awhile now - him finally having his Princess has also brought him a great amount of peace. He carries me around and I wipe his brow and it works for us! God brought the right set of personalities together. My heart has relaxed and I can just be me.

I can say that I think he's rare, he is comfortable and manly about how he loves his woman. We both felt that we had wasted alot of our positives on people who didn't appreciate it like we wanted them to and our main coming together started on mutual appreciation of each others fabulousness, lol

I am very real with mine. I want to be be cared about. and taken care of. I feel as if I can say that and feel that way because I come 90% correct with mines. CAUN wants for nothing, I take very good care of him and always will. I enjoy my position and make sure that I stay on top of it. I free his mind and his spirit up to be about the business of moving us to the next level and he don't come home to ANY nonsense. I just need (as well as he) the freedom to operate. Joining with someone who also was looking for that is a blessing!

I also like the fact that our relationship is so intimate. We both make it our top priority and I don't think this is a passing fancy. I'm sure for others, when you been out there and you know the choices and the issues - if you finally get 'it', you take that much more seriously. I cry...more often than I care to admit during our lovemaking sessions because I'm just so gotdamn happy and satisfied.

Living alot of my private thoughts in a fantasy world - having connected with my King and being given the Princess crown and treatment I have wanted in my life has been a blessing, I can never get humble enough in my opinion about.

So how does it feel - it feels like the feeling I get when he tucks me into bed in the evening after having brought water for my bedside table, it feels like when he rubs my feet while we watch tv, it feels like when he's just as attentive to my daughter setting a VERY high bar as her first go round with how a man is suppose to be, it feels like how if I cook, he cleans and vice versa, it feels like all the laughter we have on a daily basis, it feels like my ringtone that says "Mrs. Magnegro your loving husband is calling", it feels like how he lotions me up, it feels like how he squeals like a kid because he just wants to sit around and cup my breast (lol), it feels like the warm rag he has by his bedside, it feels like his boy crying at our wedding cause he felt it too, it feels like arts and crafts and glitter and rose petals, IT FEELS!!!!!!