Laughing at....myself

I was riding to work this morning trying to decide if I was going to tell ya'll this story, and just burst out lauging and was like "yea - if I'm going to be more real, then you need to see me beyond surface level"

Let me begin by saying. I have this uncanny knack to just be clumsy and basically just not be able to stand on my feet. I don't know what in the world happens to me.

It began a long time ago. I remember declaring my love for a boy by stepping outside my door to google at him at the bus stop, slipping and sliding completely down the walkway and landing at his feet, lol. I remember the very first time my late husband came to visit me at my fathers house, me falling down the steps and landing at his feet in a heap. The funniest party? My daddy goes "Don't worry, she just does that sometimes". I think my equilibrium is just off or something.

Here is another classic Pamalicious moment, chronicled on the Emancipation Blog. Yes really, I fell forward while on the toilet and basically my forehead caught me on the edge of the tub. Seeing as I'm short and squatty, I couldn't reach the ground to push myself up and couldn't get the right momentum to swing myself back up. So I just sat there for a minute - until I finally could rock enough to reach and eventually pull myself up. I had a spot in the middle of my forehead that day, lol.

Since it comes and goes, I sometime forget about it. Lately, however, my "Final Destination" moments have reappeared in a big way.

Here I am sitting in the living room watching TV and chiling with Caun. I had a glass of my diet Wylers Cranberry punch and it had alot of ice in it. Well when I tipped the cup, everything flew forward and I hopped forward to not spill it on the couch and my shirt. When I stood up to prevent the spill, I tripped over the coffee table and went sailing, I righted myself before I hit the floor and then some kinda way tripped again, still holding the cup mind you, I am propelling forward and all I can think of is that it was gonna hurt so I was determined to NOT FALL! I got so scared as I slid into the kitchen that I then began peeing on myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally I got in balance and then burst out crying. CAUN came in the kitchen and had that WTF? look on his face......

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When I am at work, I sometimes sit with one leg bent under me, well of course your leg will go to sleep. I had on a skirt and heels. I decide to move my leg to keep the circulation going and my heel snags in the hem of my skirt - BLAM! I try to get up and just hit the floor of my cube. So now I am tangled up in the chair on the floor in my cube!!! A public location! I do the infamous hop up and just get to walking, lol lol lol Lawd help a sista! I laughed about that the rest of the day. Just plop all over the floor of the cube!

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And finally..the story that sparked this whole thought..

Hmm so we were 'doing what grown folks do' the other nite and I was doing this whole sissors move (LOL) Well our bed is still on the floor and so we end up utilizing the floor nine times out of ten because for some reason black folks always make it an olympic sport, lol lol As I was flipping around, we started sliding on the floor - my shirt, which I still had on, started sliding as well......right around MY NECK! So we grooving and at first I didn't really care but then it started getting tight. I was at an angle and so all my weight was moving forward thus tightening the shirt even more. OH MY DAMN, I'm starring in a Snuff Movie and didn't want to! So I'm in a mental quandry. I'm almost there but yet I can't breathe (LOL). CAUN isn't noticing anything - he's bout ready to slide into homebase! TOUCHDOWN! and with that I am totally bereft of air. I start beating on his back and he mistook that move as apparently unadulterated pleasure and proceeds to use that as feul to his own HOME RUN! Now I'm totally out the mood and....SCARED! Dayum! Dayum! HOMERUN! He moves into recovery mode but now all his weight is on me pulling the shirt TIGHTER! He opens his eyes and I am there clawing and gasping for air! He hops up and I rip the shirt off and let me tell you I was scared as shyt! I was taking huge gulps of air. My neck had strangulation marks all on it and everything. So I can safely say that yea it was sort of provocative to be choked a bit while doing the do - but I won't be going down that road again anytime soon! It took a good 30 minutes before we fell out laughing about that one.


So there you have it - I got ISSUES, lol but I certainly can laugh at myself about them and I give you permission to laugh about them too :)