Forward Movement

Hey! Well I'm back in the office and the drama is raining like a monsoon, lol I'll deal with it around 11am, lol lol Maybe 11:15 depending on how I feel, lol. CAUN said his throat is starting to scratch and I betta not had given him the cooties that I had, lol lol Dang I hope not. Cause men sick is a whole nother ball game.

So Friday's post was quite an eye opener for me. First of all, the entire having my husband and my ex writing on the same forum is a huge self affirmation that (1) I made the RIGHT choice in man and (2) that I must be one hell of a woman, lol lol A quick bit of background. If you were a reader of The Emancipation, you know about Mobetta - he and I were an item for about 3 actual years and about 1 cyber year in addition to that. He was a very important catalyst in my life in terms of dating grown men and understanding how to be in a grown relationship. That relationship opened the door to the journey to where I am today and the blessing that is CAUN. That being said, Gearsofwar and I have known each other cyberly for a number of years. I can't even tell you how we met - I no longer remember, but we've never met in person, lol lol We just chat and he's an avid reader of the blog.

So after reading the three entries and laughing a long time at the psychosis that is Gears - I honed in on the other two which represented my present and my past and that offered me alot ofenlightenment on my own self.

"Another thing I loved about Stormeka was she was not desperate to make this work. She let it come to her. She was not clingy, whiney or attention needy. She did her while I did me. And finally together we did us."

What CAUN said was quite powerful because he confirmed that Pamela had made...GROWTH. Alot of times and I think I've said this before we can be 'working on self' till we blue in the face but unless it's noticed by others - you might not be making any progress at all. The person who he met - was not necessarily the person I have been in my life. I was quite surprised actually of the person who CAUN met and fell in love with, lol I am glad that while I was 'working' in 2005 that I actually have seen the results! My spirit is in quite a place now and I am so thankful to God that he allowed me to take that journey and be on it for real and actually come out on the otherside to all the riches that are afforded one who makes a real journey and not just a lip service one. In recent months here - I have had a whole heap of that believe you me and the same behaviours and patterns are in effect and the people are getting the same damn result. Me knowing that now I have the right foundation to that which is Pam spurs me on to work on other parts of myself, because there are other parts that need work. I don't necessarily believe that you never finish - because I think you can get to a place of stability, but always check your gears and make sure everything is moving smoothly.

Which leads me to Mobetta. The first question on alot of folks mind was 'how could you date a man who has that attitude about women?" Well how do women date Hugh Hefner and how do women date George Clooney and other men who have decided to remain 'single', lol. This is the thing - I will take to my grave the notion that it takes this many to be one of me......LOL (take that any kinda way you want). This is the otherside of...regret due to an inability to commit. The other question is "was he like this when you dated him?" On the flip side of the relationship, I know that this didn't just appear and that probably he was. Let me say this, he can sale water to a drowning man. He's the consummate date, entertainer, bullshit artist. I don't mean that in a negative way. I like those kinda men,lol I married one, lol - There are alot of men who operate in this manner and just like he got his four, these men have their number of women. All the growing and sighing about 'how could..' is just that, in my opinion, growning and sighing, because sistas are in these arrangements, especially corporate sisters and that's just the way it is. He's a great date, he's articulate, he's cultured, he's fun, he's attractive, he got money and benz and pools and knows his craft well......it just wasn't what I WANTED. That relationship in comparison to the one I have now was a total personal fraud. I said things and did things and took things that I really didn't want to. I lied to myself about myself and became someone in alot of respects other than myself. NEVER AGAIN!

Ahh Gearsofwar, lol lol Harsh and to the left, but not far from the mindscape of alot of brothers. I got one comment and I'd like to bring it to the front and what I said in response:

Anonymous:
I don't know where you got those last 2 so called men from, but they obviously don't like women. They have been screwed up sounds like a long time and there seems to be no hope in sight. It's just sad to hear that there are men still out there that have that kind of mentality about women. I just pray that there are more men out there like CAUN than there are those last 2.

Pamalicious:
Is it that they don't like women, or alot of women time and time again are not liking themselves thus the outcome.

We all have bad relationships and have made decisions that we regret - but believe you me more and more I am feeling Scott's 'Women say one thing and do the exact opposite'.

These men are what's going on and as you can see - they don't have a shortage of women available to them - not - at - all. So it's saying something about all of us.

I still maintain that we dictate the dating and mating scene - they wild cause we wild. We stop, they can't do anything but stop, because they will do whatever to make sure they stay connected to us.

I stand by what I said. Well let me go deal with the drama.