It's A Family Affair - Pt 2

Being held hostage by gas prices is just not cool!! Can't do anything this weekend because it's gonna cost to much in gas!! Arghhhhh! Well we do have to pack because a week from today - we will be moving into the NEW HOUSE. We are excited.

Mini-me is doing fine - Saturday she flies from Houston to Philadelphia. I've just decided she's Diddy and and Farnsworth Bentley becuase she will touch down back in the ATL on August 1st only to be here until the 7th when she flies out to Orlando for a week with her Paternal Uncle, His financee and son. She's gonna drop in - see her new room, get me to wash and do her hair and then she's off. Hating on a 12 year old is janky ain't it, lol lol

Well Part 2 of the Family Series....

Big Love

My father had three wives (after he and my mom divorced) and we had a whole block in philly of connected rowhouses that he went between being the man of the house. There was a central location where we ate etc.

It's not as freaky or anything as one might think and it taxed him - he had a major heart attack and died with a baby on the way by his youngest wife.

It also was not necessarily of a religious proclivity becuase unlike Orthodox Islam, NOI does not condone multiple marriages.

He also stressed, yelled and instilled in his girls that he did NOT want us engaging in such activity.

My pops was ALOT of man who had TOP NOTCH game and it worked while it worked for him.

At his death - the women decided to stay in the homes until the youngest (who was not born) graduated high school. During these last 18 years they have moved on - have men and are living their lives but they live next door to each other. My Brother graduated June last year and they all have went their ways - two of them still live together just in another house.

What do I call them? I have my mother and then I have a step mother (his first wife of the trio) and then I have two aunts.

Being the 'child of'. I can't really tell you from a first person pespective what my father saw as the pros and cons. However here are a few observations as to how it was broken down.

Each woman played a specific role. He had the one who stayed home and raised the kids, she was docile and just motherly. He had one who was the 'show piece'. My daddy owned his own jewelry business and traveled quite a bit - she could dress, talk, was corporate etc. etc. and ran the business with him and then he had a 'worker bee' - she never really needed much and worked consistently in the factory. Some of the women came with kids and he took them in as well. I have all together 12 brothers and sisters from these relationships.

It started out as living in duplexes on a block. We always lived nearby because my daddy wasn't to good on the financial end of support - so whereever he moved, my mom would move within walking distance so he could be in our lives and take care of us in other ways. She wasn't playing, lol. I would come home from school and be at the wrong house, lol cause we moved, lol

My daddy had his own bedroom and I don't have any memory of me walking in and like all of them be in there together YUCK. Nah, he usually was in there by his self cause he was damn tired, lol We would all pile up so he could spend time with us. I will say towards the end of his life (he was 54 when he passed) he spent more time with us than...them, lol.

We grew up here in Atlanta and you would think the 'difference' would be pronounced and kids would give us a HARD ass time. NOPE! I have NO MEMORY of ever being teased or asked about our 'situation'. Kids thought it was cool as hell and that I just had alot of moms. Besides - I had my own home and what not - I didn't move in with my Daddy till after HS fulltime. Later on in life (at my various reunions) I asked about that and folks were like REALLY - damn didn't really realize it. You all were alot of fun and your Daddy was everybody Daddies we were just glad to have one. So I didn't really grow up 'separate' like that because of my family situation.

Here are a few more observations as the adult of this looking at my family:

My Brothers have CONTEMPT for women like I have never seen. They basically hate them and only see them as vessels for children and bitches and hoes. I think this is directly correlated to the way we grew up and their perception that these women were WEAK and since it was their own mothers - they got MAD ISSUES with relationships.

We have no ideology and structure about traditional marriage. It doesn't mean what it might mean to someone else. Weddings etc. are not something that we are used to. If you make an announcement that you are with someone and ya'll been together six months - well that's it,lol.

We are not close. The ties that bind is dead - for all his work - he forced us together and as adults - we have drifted apart for the most part. All kinds of lineage secrets and what not each of us have had to deal with. there are kids in between me and my two direct siblings - which tells a story about him and my moms marriage but my story isn't nearly as bad - I lived a pretty consistent life.

Outside family is almost non-existent. We lived in a bubble. No cousins, no aunts etc. etc. Everyone gave up the rest of their family for this family.

We all have 'issues' about the way it was presented to us. See there is four of us that this impacted the most - the golden four - us that were there and saw him take on the women etc. etc. Which is why I have modified my child rearing to INCLUDE my child as a person capable of thought. Not capable of really affecting decision, but I let her get if off her chest - because it was a very confusing time for my Brothers and Sisters (since he didn't bring no new women to my mom - it wasn't as confusing for us). it's important to teach them to have a voice - I've lived the last 20+ years developing my voice....

However, I wouldn't trade my colorful childhood for anything on this planet. I love my daddy and he is who shaped what a man should be for me and he was the BEST MAN - I've ever known - so it's all good.

I'm close with my step mom and aunts and I can go to either of them if I need something - they were instrumental in raising me as well and they are quite to what my brothers think VERY STRONG, INTELLIGENT, FOCUSED women.

Sometimes I want to find other non-morman black children of polygomy and talk with them - do a documentary and see what their experiences are - it probably would be quite interesting.

Maybe at another time I'll expound on how it has affected my inter-personal relationships with men.