Bit By The Wedding Bug!

In the land of crazy, there lived a Princess and this is what the Princess is currently doing, lol - YEP I found a Dream Wedding Computer Game at the Target for $4.98 and I bought it. Now I can spend hours - dreaming and planning a wedding. I won't say perfect - because CAUN and I are having the perfect wedding for us...

Ya'll have a Good Weekend!!

The Illusive "Other Shoe"

There is this 'smoke' that drifts over my relationship with CAUN. It does not block our progress or love, but if you stand still, sometimes it makes your eyes sting a bit. What is it? It's the 'your relationship/you all are........PERFECT and there's got to be something wrong' smoke. I've heard it since the beginning some whispers and some just outright shouts. It comes in many forms:

• He can't be that perfect?


• Do you ever think that there's another shoe about to drop?


• You mean to tell me you all don't argue?


• There's NOTHING that is a red flag in this relationship?


• It can't possibly be that good?

Now CAUN either doesn't hear it or just ignores it, because he's good at that. Things to men are a bit more prevasive as well and they touch on thing like

• I can't believe you with her


• She looks like your momma


• She's not your speed


• What she doing that got you going back?

The last category just entails, folks generally doubting that we will make it and that some 'sheen' will eventually wear off and we will hate each other.....like everyone else.........

It burdens my heart and believe you me, I have a PhD in cyncism - that happiness for one causes so much pain for others. Happiness is such a mind blowing concept for alot of us, that seeing it causes our sugar to rise and we go into a state of shock.

I could go off on a tangent about the fact that I've been single for 12 1/2 years, and it might be my time, but I won't...that conversation is tired at best.

CAUN and my relationship is the stuff movies are made of and since I am a pop culture student, it is fitting that when I finally get up on it - it's exactly what I would like. CAUN has this saying "Did cha ever think?" and to be honest NO and that's what' makes it all the much better.

What exactly is so incredulous that two people could connect on a level that allows them to be at peace with one another. That's what folks are seeing. Everyone talks about how they don't want no drama - but few people actually practice it. We are in the habit and the practice of having no drama in our relationship. This is not something we've sat down and made a proclaimation about. It's just something that.....is. We have identified what outside influences will bring drama to our lives and thus we need the time and space to deal with that; so why add to that pot? LOL.

From the first day that I met him, we clicked - alot of folks click then, but upon further investigation - we really clicked about alot of stuff. Surprisingly it's not necessarily the things that folks think you should click on. Our lives have been night and day, we don't share the same religious beliefs, we don't share the same work ethic, we don't share the same past relationship stories, we don't share the same family dynamics HOWEVER, we share the same resolve about self preservation and self improvement. We both understand that rhetoric is just that - rhetoric and if you are not out here in the world putting your idea into practice - you can work on yourself till you fall over dead and only YOU will be the one that has decided you're....fixed.

So I'm sorry folks - but CAUN and I are on the Groove Train and it is flowing smoothly. We don't have drama with our kids adjusting, we don't have money drama, we don't have attitidue drama, we don't have household roles and responsibilities drama, we don't have sexual drama, WE DON'T HAVE IT!!!

In a typical day we tell each other we love each other about a dozen times. EVERY conversation is ended with I love you. We hug and kiss each other several times a day. We laugh non-stop every time we are in each others presence. We joke around, we talk about each other, we check each other, we conflict resolution and we push each other to do better, we talk about our pasts and add input and viewpoint, we consult with one another, we coax each other to express, we deal with EACH OTHER and not just here's my plate, here's your plate - we at the same table, nah we need to be on the same plate and that which isn't - we need to make sure we're tasting it daily as well.

See when we've talked about it, we came to the conclusion that what makes this work now and will make it work later (since we building foundation premarriage) is that we didn't package ourselves up in pretty ribbon and bows only to be opened and discovered to be wrapping paper covered...shit. In doing this, we either had to 'accept' or 'reject' and we always had an out clause. I mean come on - we are 40 and 38 respectively, exactly how difficult is it to decide "ok - this I will accept and this I won't and if there's something I won't - is it a deal breaker or an opportunity for us to lift each other up?". Now I know, that ALOT of folks are so set on SELF that they just cut folks down with all their lists, must haves, not gonna do's etc. etc. Well we both had lists to - but, our lists were about not 'what have you done for me lately?' but 'what should and can we do for each other?'

So sure, relationships and marriage are not a walk in the park all the time - but that doesn't mean that happiness can't be achieved or that two people can't come together and live in a state of happiness most of the time. I advise everyone to define Happiness and then first seek it for yourself and then let someone else in to share it with.

I'm Happy, my man is Happy - we are ESTATIC together and the rest - - - I'll let those people deal with that unto themselves........

And yea - check back in with me sometimes, cause I know the cynics are saying "It's new it will wear off" - we'll see, that's all I can say..we'll see.

A "Penny" for your thoughts

Well I tried, but I have to jump on the Janet bandwagon for a hot minute seeing as TODAY is finally the day that 20 Y.O. comes out. I'll follow up with a review when I listen to it - but seeing as she's been on every cover except the Bible and what not, I want to talk about my 40 year old counterpart for a minute.

This weekend VH-1 Soul did "My Story" on Janet and I sat there and had time to reflect on her career As I watched damn near three hours of the visual representation of her career. Say what you will, but she's one bad Sista! I mean so what, her vocals are 'tender' at best and she (unfortunately) took her Brothers advice about his plastic surgeon (when is that man gonna be brought up on charges)- she is one of the greatest video era performers of our time. The only other female that comes to mind that stands beside her is Madonna.


"Dunk" sat back and watched her Brothers and much to probably alot of people's surprise (especially after Dream Street) she came back F-I-E-R-C-E and no matter what weight or what relationship - she has been kicking ass for TWENTY YEARS. Anybody seen Jermaine lately? (who was the Golden Child behind Michael).

I wonder, because coming from a large family myself, if the stench of hate ever breezes past her chiseled nostrils when she sitting at her mommas house? I just know Mike is cursing as he applies his makeup - that one of his own family members is the next best thing to.....him.

Back when control came out - I too was a 20 year old young woman trapped in the clutches of parental overload. I could sooo identify with this gal here. At that time I was even thinner than her (which would be my one and only time that shit was obvious). I was so busy trying to be her sister-in-law, that I didn't pay much attention to exactly what she was trying to do - but she certainly got my attention with this.

During this time also - my mom was her personal assistant! Yep my moms worked for Janet. I can't remember exactly how she got that gig - but she packed up and moved to Hollyweird leaving us with my daddy. Ya'll really don't understand that period in my life, lol I was so close to having my ultimate dream come true I could taste it. As soon as school would have let out - I was going to California to ride shotgun right into Mike's Bed!! Shit I'da worn a batman costume if it got me up in that bad boy!!

Of course, seeing as I'm sitting at this hellhole with about $40 to my name indicates something went terribly wrong with that dream, lol. When Miss Jackson (if yah nasty) asked my mom for a glass of water and my mom indicated she was closer - she could just get it herself, things took a turn and my ass was ASS OUT in Philadelphia, because Mom's went off and told her to stop trippin or something of that nature. So yes my T-shirt reads - "My Mom Worked For Janet Jackson and All I got Was a Lousey All Access Pass to the Control Video Taping, An Original Marriage Certificate from Janet and James and a GotDamn Can of Joe Cola"!!

However, we did get a phone call from Janet (in which my brother fainted on the phone) and my Mom had a great story about standing in the front row of the video and Mike standing next to her in full disguise....with....Bubbles. I STILL didn't get an Autograph nor a Glass of Water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sooo - Though I think at this stage in the game she shouldn't have to work so hard, and I sure hope that with her living here most of the time the weather will inspire her to put on some clothes and though I really wish Momma Katherine had of gotten them better tutors, cause they never look all that intelligent and though Oprah had me laughing with all the shade she was throwing, cause ya'll know the main two triggers in her life are skinny broads and women in love - that runs Oprah crazyyyyy - did you notice that it seemed like she wanted to start every sentence with "This Heifer Here" LOLand though at the same age (we are only about 18 days apart in age) I look like her BEFORE picture - I'm giving my sista PROPS!

HANDLE YO BUSINESS SISTA GAL! HANDLE YO BUSINESS!

Other Janet Words: Janet and MTV by Clay Cane and Album Review by In The Mix With Trent

Warmings (of the Heart and Home)

Ahhh - I am still smiling over the great weekend I had. It actually spawned several blogs that I will get to over time, but let's jump into my Trifecta of good things that went down this weekend.

First, was the emergence of "Janet" from new baby heaven. What a "Warming"! She came over on Saturday and we went to look at dresses etc. for the wedding. WHAT FUN! This was what I was waiting on - we laughed and played around and acted like divas and she even cried at the notion that I was getting married. We made alot of progress in the entire wedding thing and I'm sooo happy that we're on the same page. We took a camera so I got shots of dresses etc. Next we went and bought Mini-Me and Chocolate Baby Pound Cake's Dresses. At that shop we tried on gowns and marched around and had a good time as well. It was just great being out with her - we missed each other in this capacity.

Then it gets even better because we parted and then got back together as she rejoined the party scene as well. We had been invited out for dinner and drinks and we decided to go. So we went on down and broke bread with about 8 other sistas. The restaurant was screaming a nice first date - the lights were all low and we sat outside and had watermelon mojitos and I had the tenderest piece of beef I've ever had in my life. I can't even tell you what it tasted like, because it melted as soon as it hit your mouth! www.maritarestaurant.com for any ATL peeps reading.

Meanwhile the second "Warming" was that while I was out Saturday evening, CAUN had invited Mini-me to the movies. They went to Buckhead Backlot, which is a theatre where you can have a meal and watch the show. They had quite an enjoyable evening and got an opportunity to talk more indepth to each other. Mini-me is transitioning fairly complication free into this new family situation, but she's still getting used to some things and one of the biggest ones is the moving of CAUN from boyfriend status to step father status. It's an interesing title to begin with seeing as she's never had an actual on-site father to begin with. So she's grappling with a total unknown entity. As much as we've spoken over the years about what a father does - she's still not necessarily sure. I think that CAUN is handling it well, not pushing himself on her, but allowing her to come to him. Mini-me and I had conversation about some of his roles in her life and that they would be to: (1) to be there for her (2) to assist me in raising her (3) to represent her out in the street and at all things Mini-me such as PTA's etc. etc. (4) to offer up advice and other words of wisdom and guidance. Now she is a bit peeved that he has disciplined her in the way of co-signing my taking away some of her electronics until she performs better in school - but that's good. I'm not going to have a house where there is she and I and then CAUN and I, I've seen homes like that and it doesn't work in the long run. No secret relationshps between Mini-me and I. We need to be cohesive. CAUN and I talk about her upbringing and go over things before I roll them out and that's my way of getting him involved - so that he won't feel like he has no autonomy in his own home. He's the man up in that piece and I go to him for consultation on matters of the home and that includes the children.

Finally the third "Warming" was the housewarming. I have said I love entertaining, but I think I will amend that to I love the 'process' of entertaining. I always feel a sorta 'letdown' after an event. We had our housewarming/engagement party this weekend. We got up Sunday and operated around there like a well oiled machine! All three of us cleaned and set up and organized stuff and I was soo freaking excited. I had invited 19 or so people and the final tally was 8. It's soo hard to bring black folks together who are not related. If you let that get to you, you would never have anything at your home. However, I am going to clean house of a few folks on my list. They are not trying to come to anything I've had - so why keep wasting my energy and having to go through that awkward "Sorry I didn't come" routine - let it go.

Anyhoo - the get together (less than 10 people is not a party), turned out quite nice. I had so much fun laying out the table and the food and I had a new punch recipe that turned out really good. We went with a little bit of catering to offset the time necessary to cook and it worked out perfectly. So much so that I pulled out my virtual headpiece and made bean pies. They came out slammin if I say so myself. Several folks experienced them for the first time and didn't even have to track them down in the west end on the corner, lol. CAUN and I play together well. He had set up the garage for the fellas and that was new to me, being the main hostess for things for so long - but it worked out great. The fellas definately were thankful, lol. We sat around and had some enlightening and good conversation - grown woman conversation. I made sure that I touched with every one of my guests but the vibe flowed on it's own. It felt very good to have folks in the house for the first time - I had so been looking forward to getting the house 'seasoned' - because like a good cast iron skillet - you need to have your space filled with the spirits of those mean anything to you to fill it out, give it that oomph.

I was blessed to recieve some nice gifts for the home and things went so smoothly that by 10pm I was in the bed watching Gayzilla, lol lol The important fact about this - kitchen clean!

So today begins another week - - Let's Hope the 'warming' continues.

EXcommunicated

I was thinking about the 'degrees of separation' we have with people (my rule is there's six overall but only three between black folks) - and it made me reflect on Ex's. Those folks that you used to think was 'the one' - but since have moved on. I was thinking about the fact that every ex you have, has other ex's of their own and so on and so on - which then made me kinda ill when you think about all that sexing; but I digress.

Unlike some women - I have not been drug through the wringer by a man. My relationship tapestry does not include a third of the 'drama' that alot of sistas so gleefully hold on to for conversation purposes. Have you even been a part of a hen party where all you hear about is the 'men who done me wrong?' According to some sistas not one man they ever had an encounter with have done right by them, lol. I have heard some of the wildest stuff in my day and most of it, I just sit and absorb because it hasn't happen to me - so I really can't relate. I find it hard to relate to the sista who (1) doesn't need a man (2) Wants to play the game like a man all because according to them "Men should only be used for finances and dick". Hmmmm - okay.

Well because of this, **NAIVE ALERT** ** NAIVE ALERT** I don't have Ex's that I hate and I'm fairly comfortable that none of them hate me. I really don't see why we can't be cordial even friends. I mean when I think back the most drama I had was sitting Bros stuff out on the porch because he had crossed my line of 'respect' - however I don't consider him 'the enemy'. We spoke quite a bit after the breakup, until our lives took us in different directions and we just lost touch.


I sometimes wonder do men walk around bemoaning a relationship as long as women do? I mean some of us are still pissed at our 8th grade boyfriend and we 35 years old! What is the mechanism that makes us elevate whatever was wrong and Lawd could someone tell me why it was never our fault? Apparently there is a caveat as a woman that men mess up and we suffer.

During my Emancipation days - I thought back on my relationships and what happened. Actually I have not picked bad men, they all have been quite the lookers and intelligent, well spoken etc. etc. so what happened? I have a habit of picking emotionally unavailable men. Men who for some reason or not - are just not capable of commiting. Now what is funny is that for them, and I am secure in saying this because I've been told by more than one - I've presented the coveted "You restored my faith in women" Now ain't that a bitch? What a weight to carry on your shoulders. See my Hateration Entry cause the hair on my neck is starting to prickle a bit, lol I laugh at the whole notion however because it's like they took a break with me - but then they move on because once they sit on my couch - they really didn't want to get up - but were too afraid of what would happen if they stayed. This is why I take NO credit in the meeting of CAUN, because I would have never figured out how to pick someone who was actually available to love, lol I apparently had a lot of fun knocking on doors with empty rooms behind them.

Also during the Emancipation days - I went over a couple of relationships and dredged up what did I DO that contributed to it's downfall. YIKES! I was a needy heifer sometimes in my day As well as it's a hard lesson to learn that all men are not THE one and you shouldn't just give them what you would give the one - just based on the fact they were...men. Had to squash alot of 'teachings' to adapt to what's really going on in the world today. I heard that part - but I should have continued on to the part that said "Qualification is a Must". That would have helped....alot.

So now I look up and I'm with THE ONE and I'm happy, but I'm still friends with a couple of Ex's and have had conversation with a couple more since I got with THE ONE. It's real like that. Why can't we be friends - since I don't get with folks for dick, money and bling - everyone I've been with we established communication and things in common and irregardless of the fact we didn't make it romantically - we still enjoy communicating.

So what are the rules of engagement about this? Well - first off this is not a friendship based on analyzing our old relationship. If we don't have other things to talk about, then let life take it's course and you all will drift off anyway. Mobetta and I talk frequently via email and we never mention that we dated,lol there's so much going on in the world - our blip doesn't even count, lol. I speak with Italy on the phone and we both got so much going on - we don't mention it either. I also don't play the 'I got secret friends game' - I'm on the up and up - if you are my friend then my man knows about you and if you don't want my man to know about you - he's gonna know anyway, lol. I also don't carry torches. Now I know some of my original readers are like "Pam you ran the triathlon with the torch from you and mobetta" Yea well - it, to me was my only really valid relationship outside of my marriage - so it was GREAT FODDER for Blogging - however, the flame had extinguished...believe dat - even I know when to give it up/turn it loose, lol. Also, it's okay to let it go for whatever reason - I know folks that just feel like once the romantic notion is over let that entire person go.

So why is it weird when you are friends with an ex you haven't had a child with (cause that's a different blog, lol)? What's wrong with mature adults carrying on mature relationships? Why must it always be another 'reason' ya'll still friends? And are you ready for the possibility that your THE ONE might have a few Ex's as friends as well.......................

Wednesday Way Back Concert Series

Since I'm a lover of music and have finally discovered Youtube - I wanted to roll out a new feature "Wednesday Way Back Concerts". Using clips, pictures and streaming video - Let's all go back and remember a time in our past. ENJOY!






THE SYLVERS


Among the more popular family acts on the '70s R&B circuit, Memphis' Sylvers recorded for Pride, MGM, Capitol, Casablanca, and Geffen during their 13-year chart run. No less than nine of the ten brothers and sisters in the family -- Olympia, Leon, Charmaine, James, Edmund, Ricky, Angie, Pat, Foster -- performed in the group that was viewed as a Southern version of the Jackson 5. Their 1972 Pride single "Fool's Paradise" got things going in the right direction, reaching number 14 on the R&B charts. They had three other Top Ten R&B hits in the '70s, but their biggest song was "Boogie Fever" in 1975. It perfectly captured the disco spirit and topped both the R&B and pop charts that year. "Hot Line" was another Top Ten on both lists in 1976, and their second biggest single. They scored another Top 20 R&B single on Casablanca in 1978, "Don't Stop, Get Off," but the charming qualities of their earlier material seemed more calculated. They couldn't recapture the spark during their mid-'80s period on Geffen. ~ Ron Wynn, All Music Guide

Hateration

The other night on HBO - Katt Williams (currently the funniest negro in America) did a skit about Haters. He said that Haters have a purpose and we should let folk hate. It's their job. I found that hilarious and oh so true. Telling folks to stop hatin is wasted breath, time and energy. If folks are not hatin on you - then you need to step up your game.

Have you ever really wondered who was hatin on you and more importantly why. I mean it's an intriguing question. Exactly what is it about you that folks find disruptive to their lives. Nobody hates on folks for negative reasons - you never hear folks say "I'm hatin on that nigga cause he in jail" NOPE! So if someone is hatin on you - wouldn't you like to know what fabulousness you got going on?

I also wonder is 'hatin' imaginary? Because I know some folks who swear folks hatin on them - but I don't see it. They are in no position to have anything to hate on. They have assigned haters to themselves just because folks don't necessarily like them - that ain't hate that's dislike, lol So what are the rules of 'hateration'?

If you are a hater can you admit that? I can be a hater but it's usually solely based on someone's monetary comeup. Fuck the dumb shit - I ain't hating on nobody that's one paycheck if not less away from me. I hate on the currently unobtainable. I hate on Mariah, Beyonce, Janet and folks of that stature. If I do hate on someone I consider my equal - it's still about the money, lol. I hate sometimes on this one female cause she got the house, car etc. and lamping but if I dig a little bit deeper - she ain't nothing to hate on either - her shit is stank like it's been in an abandoned house toilet for years, lol. So I guess a good balance to hate is...blessing. Especially if you hating on money.

Now if you hatin on somebody cause they so-called thinnner, beautiful or whateva - step up off that shit. Back in the day, I used to hate on the thinner sista - but no mo - cause I took a good look at myself and I started to like me. If you can get your self-worship to around 65% then you smooth sailing. We never gonna be totally satisfied - they (that elusive they) make sure of that - but work on getting it into a safe zone and you can conquer that mess.

I am paranoid about 'hate'. I feel it thick on my neck. Makes the back of my hairs stand up. There is so much sadness, however, for me when it comes to the hate. (1) it's all sistas hatin (2) I feel special but not THAT special and (3) I know that hate is derived from lack of self and that's just sad. Some of my hate is perceived - as in I think you hatin, but you may not be - I may just be in a space of uncomfortability and take your comments as hate.

Right now, we'll call him Facilities, is hatin on the fact that I am with someone and getting married. Little snide remarks here and there - incredulous looks as this moves forward etc. CAUN has some hate coming his way - now the special "I lost my opportunity" hate you gotta love. How long have both of us been walking around like survivors of a natural disaster and now all of a sudden - you want us? GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT?! You want what you can't have - rewind to back when I was writing page after page of the most pitifulest (is THAT a word) shit imaginable - you were nowhere to be found, lol lol Cracks me up!

Then there's the elusive on-line hate. Whoever heard of such a thing?! But it does exist - based solely on one's perception of another by what they say. Currently I ain't hatin on NOBODY on line.

So I'm not sure about all the hatin going on, and is it even really necessary - because there is always two sides to the coin and alot of times they are very very different and you would be shocked to know what's really going on.

However - my new mission is to give the haters something to hate on because I always want folks to do what they do best!!! SO HATE ON HATERS! HATE ON!

I know it looks FABULOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

Potty Mouth

To the person who takes a regular nuclear bomb shit everyday at around 2pm - CAN YOU BRING SOME AIR FRESHNER?!

We really don't need to hear folks audition song for American Idol while we are on the public toilet.

If I come to some of ya'll house - will I see your sanitary napkin on the shelf? If not why would I want to see it at work?!

I looked at the distance between the toilet and the trashcan - why does everyone keep missing the trash can?

I wonder if anyone has ever told that cute guy who empties the trashcans to come on in - when they are in there, lol

Why do so many people pretend they don't sit on the toilet - most of us are overweight - who is really doing all that balancing?

Why don't they make women's stall all handicapped size - DAMN we need the room!

Why do men have time to go and READ in the public toilet?

I wonder if someone is watching us?

LOL LOL LOL

Soooo - I'm a curser, I admit it. I have been cursing since I was around 12. I can't quite remember who taught me how to cuss but I'm sure the road crosses paths with my older brother. Language was always so important in our family that cursing just seemed like a natural progression. I started small like alot of folks - I guess my first words were the simple ones Ass and Shit. But by the time I got to say the 9th grade - whooo weee, my mouth was filthy. It was how I added my edge. I was corny as all get out - but cursing gave me swagger. By the time I was in the 11th grade, I could 'curse like a sailor' and used it quite often. I eventually got reprimanded by my males friends as just cursing to damn much, lol.

Now the thing that makes my cursing somewhat unique is my ability to cut it on and off. My Daddy always told us that cursing was one's inability to use the correct words. Well I know/knew words so I cursed strictly to be cursing. There is something, even today about a well placed curse words. I still am not one to use the more vulgar ones in everyday conversation - but Hell, Ass, and Damn are as commonplace as Chair, Table and Stove.

Cursing turns me on, lol A well placed vulgar word can do wonders for a sista. It gets me giddy. However - for some reason cursing for the sake of cursing does not i.e. Def Comedy Jam. Just saying a word to hear yourself say it - is not appealing. An example of a CLASSIC cursing scene that makes my toes curl is in the movie Life with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence - they are now old and Martin asks "Why do you always gotta be so nasty?" to which Eddie replies "CAUSE I'M A NASTY MUTHAFUCKA" oooooo oooooo ooooo - I am tingling, let me stop, lol

As a story telling I liken my cursing to the greatest curser of modern times Richard Pryor. R.I.P. He didn't just curse just because his curse words weaved a magical tale and I use my curses to do that as well.

Another roll on the floor curse moment came from Dave Chappelle and Wayne Brady Skit - I can almost 'taste' the way Wayne Brady went totally out of character and said "Is Wayne Brady Going to Have to Slap A Bitch" LOL LOL but the funnier was "Dave Hoes, Hoes Dave" "Evening Bitches" LOL LOL LOL
I choose not to use Bitches in my language and I rarely use hoes but I will use skank and yamp. When I discovered yamp oh boy that was my word for a minute, lol

When I had Mini-me I thought like alot of things I would be able to stop. Well for a little while sure, but then it crept back in. So yes I do curse in front of Mini-me the 'approved' words I mentioned above. However I do NOT curse at here. So now that puts me in a quandry - somewhere she's cursing, lol How can she grow up around it and not adopt it to some degree. How do I feel about this? Have I been disrespecting her? Parenting is so damn hypocritical - don't you think?

Another thing is that for my ENTIRE life - I have NEVER cursed in front of my parents. I can be standing out front and be telling a story and it's littered with curse words walk in the house and not use a one. If you know language then you are not substituting therefore you can cut it on and off.

The saint that CAUN is (sigh) he is not a curser - yet somewhere in his life he has because he knows the rules of engagemnt. The few times I've heard him loose and relaxed and cursing - has turned me on even sexually. He's a story teller in training and therefore he uses them in a descriptive nature and it works. However, because (1) mini-me is getting older and (2) CAUN is not a frequent curser and (3) not sure how 'classy' it looks now that I'm 40 - I have been 'toning' it down and rediscovering other words to tell my stories.

THIS ADULT SHIT SURE IS HARD! lol lol

Breaking In for a New Meme

I can't even believe I took the time to fill this bad boy out, lol

BASiC iNF0
name:::::::::::::::::::Pamela
nicknames:::::::::::::Pammie, Stormeka
age:::::::::::::::::::::40
birthday::::::::::::::::June
location:::::::::::::::ecatur, GA
school/grade::::::::::Jr. undergraduate
backgrounds:::::::::: Born Ohio, Raised Atlanta
siblings::::::::::::::::: 14
straight/bi/gay::::::::straight
job::::::::::::::::::::::: Super Secretary
APPEARANCE::::::::::: Glowy
hair color:::::::::::::::: 1B
eye color:::::::::::::::: 1B
height:::::::::::::::::::: 5’2
ethnicity::::::::::::::::: BLACK
label:::::::::::::::::::::: Chatty
look like a celeb::::::: Shahrazad Ali
piercings:::::::::::::::::: Ears only
tattoos:::::::::::::::::::: Nah

favorites
-----------
color::::::::::::::::: the earthtone family
movie::::::::::::::: Five Heart Beats
tv show:::::::::::::TV Addict
animal:::::::::::::: Fish
food::::::::::::::::: Chicken
drink:::::::::::::::: Iced Tea w/Splenda
alcoholic drink:: Cranberry and Absolut
car::::::::::::::::::: Sequoia
day of the week: Sunday
--------------------
season::::::::::::::: Early Fall
song:::::::::::::::::: Music is my life!
sport::::::::::::::::: Track
radio station:::::: 104.1
resturant::::::::::: Indian
teacher::::::::::::: None
class::::::::::::::::: None
holiday:::::::::::::: cuss your boss out day
quote::::::::::::::::: Don't let people rent space in your head - leaving you no room to think
book:::::::::::::::::: All Beverly Jenkins
magazine::::::::::: Marie Claire
flower::::::::::::::: Calli LIllies
memory::::::::::::: Currently the first time me and Bro did the do
tv channel:::::::::: All of em

LAST
------
person you hugged::: Sakinah
person you kissed::::: Bro
thing you said::::::::::: No PSP for a week
thing you ate::::::::::::: muscadines
imed:::::::::::::::::::::::: Mary
texted::::::::::::::::::::::: No body
you called::::::::::::::::: Alicia
called you::::::::::::::::: My Momma
person you saw::::::::: Sakinah
you have a long convo with:::::: Bro

FRiENDS
----------
prettiest:::::::::: Alicia
stupidest::::::::: See thread I created
smartest:::::::::: Hmmm they all prety smart
best house::::::: Maria
best car::::::::::: Maria
best parents::::: Alicia
loudest:::::::::::: Um that's me
funniest::::::::::: Um that's me
craziest:::::::::::: Um that's me
most shy:::::::::: Mary
always has a boyfriend/girlfriend::::: Yolanda
always has parties::::::::::::::::::::::: Um that's me
best girl friend:::::::::::::::::::::::::::: They all my best
best guy friend::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Kenneth
known the longest::::::::::::::::::::::: Teena
known the shortest:::::::::::::::::::::: Mary
look up to the most:::::::::::::::::::::: Shacquel
opinionated::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Um that's me
athletic:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::We all lazy
most likely to pass out drunk:::::::: Um that's me
to go streaking::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Bro
become a cop::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Not me
become famous:::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Yolanda by association
kill someone:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ???
try to take over the world:::::::::::::: Kenneth

THiS 0R THAT
----------------
summer or winter:::::::: summer
dog or cat:::::::::::::::::: Dog
pepsi or coke::::::::::::: Coke
cellphone or ipod::::::: Ipod
ocean or pool::::::::::::: Ocean
black or white:::::::::::: BLACK *Power to the People, lol*
chocolate or vanilla:::: chocolate
flowers or candy:::::::: Flowers
rock or rap::::::::::::::::: equal
tv or movie::::::::::::::::: tv
aim or myspace::::::::::: neither
stars or hearts:::::::::::::: stars
bracelet or necklace::::: bracelet
gold or silver:::::::::::::: silver
brunette or blonde::::::: brunette
kisses or hugs::::::::::::: kisses
pen or pencil::::::::::::::: pen
lb or oz::::::::::::::::::::::: lbs

iN Y0UR R00M
-----------------
tv:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Yes
your own phone::::::::::: Yes
your own phone line::::: No
vcr:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: No
dvd player::::::::::::::::::: Yes
radio::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Alarm Radio
computer::::::::::::::::::::: N
posters:::::::::::::::::::::::: No
of what?::::::::::::::::::::::: want one of tyrese
pictures:::::::::::::::::::::::: Y
of who?:::::::::::::::::::::::: family

RELATi0NSHiPS
------------------
taken or single:::::::::::::: Taken
got a crush:::::::::::::::::::: Nope

10 PE0PLE WH0 MEAN A L0T T0 Y0U

1. Allah
2. Bro
3. Sakinah
4. Mom
5. Alicia
6. Kenneth
7. Sister Jewell

9 THiNGS Y0U L0VE
------------------------
1:: Life
2:: sex
3:: Early morning rain
4:: michael jackson
5:: muscadines
6:: the internet
7:: electronics
8:: black walnut icecream
9:: sleep

8 THiNGS Y0U HATE
------------------------
1:: white folks
2:: sneaky folks
3:: the smell of pork cooking
4:: job reviews
5:: feeling overwelmed
6:: overly aggressive women
7:: cleaning
8:: diabetes

7 THiNGS Y0U CAN'T LIVE WiTH0UT
--------------------------------------------
1:: internet
2:: tv
3:: cute shoes
4:: hair
5:: socializing
6:: phone
7:: shopping

6 THiNGS Y0U'RE WEARiNG RiGHT N0W
------------------------------------------------
1:: Engagement ring
2:: earrings
3:: bra
4:: panties
5:: light blue old navy top
6:: nice wig

5 THiNGS Y0U'D RATHER BE D0iNG
------------------------------------------
1:: watching TV
2:: curled up w/Bro
3:: At my wedding
4:: On my honeymoon
5:: at my b'day party again

4 0F Y0UR FAV0RiTE ST0RES
-----------------------------------
1:: Thrift Store
2:: Macys
3:: Burlington Coat Factory
4:: Ashley Stewart


3 THiNGS Y0U'D TAKE T0 A DESSERTED iSLAND
---------------------------------------------------------
1:: Matches
2:: The Quran
3:: Boat

2 0F Y0UR FAV0RiTE THiNGS
----------------------------------
1:: Internettingl
2:: Relaxing

1 PERS0N Y0U MiSS RiGHT N0W
---------------------------------------
1:: My Daddy

I Got A Big Mouth!

The gift of gab - Lawd do I have it. I was thinking about this as I kinda talked to myself this morning in the car. I love communicating! I come from a lonnng line of communicators. It was very important in my house growing up to the point where we were required to write the entire Dictionary as a youth. Learn the language and you will get far.

I label myself a story teller. I can tell a pretty good story. I relay emotion and stuff well. I will have you dying laughing if I so choose. Ever since I can remember - if I'm comfortable then I'm yakking. This also translates into my passion about writing. Maybe I won't call it a passion, but once the electronic age appeared - I was one of the first to jump on that band wagon and the realization that there are new folks to talk to that I don't even have to see on a day to day basis - OH BOY! LOL

I spend so much time 'communicating' during my day it's not even funny. I can begin an email convo that will last all day long. I can talk on the phone to several people several times a day. I roam the halls of 'High School' almost daily chittering and chatting. I tend to try to get with men who enjoy a good conversation. CAUN and I sat in the home office last evening face to face and before I knew it we had been just having conversation for over an hour.

Between Blogging, stories and journals I have even more things to 'say'. Is it wise to be this talkative? I oftentimes wonder if for instance this blog and my previous one will come back to haunt me. This is now public information. I certainly am prepared for a future blow up of my "high school" dealings - got the plan on file in my head, lol - I also LOVE LOVE LOVE talking about my life. Another title I've given myself is humorist. Most of my talking revolves around me, my family and my friends. I tell life stories is what I do. My life is spread out all over the place. It's as if I'm compelled through these mediums to leave my mark, my life for the public to one day come across and see it all documented.

I have been called (whether it was a joke or not) an Attention Whore. I don't necessarily accept that label because I don't talk to have a person respond - I talk outwards to share. I talk because my voice 'seems' to have a place in the auditory atmosphere.

I was just at lunch today and held an entire table captive with stories of the impending wedding. Seemingly folks congregate around me to hear, so how is that whoring. I don't make up stories and I very rarely use others instead of my own.

Those of us who understand the power and uniquenes of our voices - speak out. Until someone specifically tells me to SHUT UP! I will continue to clear my throat, lol lol

Funny Mini-me is starting to exercise her right to speak and she's becoming an excellent story teller herself. She's quite emotive and does voices and everything. She has CAUN and I cracking up - - Like Mother Like Daughter.


Wedding Update

Well I lost a Bridesmaid. It's cool - no attitudes etc. here. I guess I just want to enjoy a wonderful guest instead of developing drama based on a title. I didn't know that I would get into the mood of having all arrows pointed to me - I'm not anywhere near a Bridezilla, but I want the energy of the excitement of me getting married to be as hyped as the energy I'm exuding.

I had an epiphany in the car yesterday and vows just came to me. I had said I wasn't going to have vows because everytime I've tried to I would break down and cry. Well these came to me and I didn't cry at all. So this must be it. Now if I can just get CAUN to not want to rap his - we'll be straight.

Hut One - Hut Two

Alrightyy then - CAUN has put on his Jersey and propped his behind in front of the TV and joined the millions of American Men in a favorite past time.....football. Now I knew He enjoyed sports but I think a combination of him no longer needing to work 12 jobs and being relaxed has allowed him to really participate this year. He stayed up quite late last evening watching and verbalizing a couple of games. At first I was feeling out of sorts because usually he spends time with me - but last night he came in dropped his bag and went straight to the game. WHOA!! I know the 'rules of engagement' when it comes to that kinda stuff - so I waited moseyed around and when a commercial came on I pounced, lol Then I went on off and did my own thing for the rest of the evening. Ummm - how long is this football stuff? LOL LOL

Funny my mom said that I was glowing so much I was tranlucent - When I look in the mirror, I see it. When I look in the mirror - it's as if I see all the roads leading up to here. I see the people, places, events and things. I feel the emotions. It's as if my entire world is spinning behind my eyes. Though work on self is ever necessary, I feel like I am at a place where I am tweeking and not doing the ground work.

There is sooo much argument about the validity of whether having a mate enhances your life - especially when it comes to blackmen and women. Most women gawk at the sheer notion that a man can change their outlook, disposition and mental. Yet we comment sarcastically with such things as "She all dressed up now she got a man" "she sure is in a better mood" "whatever he doing, he needs to keep doing it"

I know that the Sun has rose over my life and it came in the person of CAUN. My life was full, it was in a good place before him, but now it's complete because of him. I'm not ashamed to say that or acknowledge that. The man has brought so much happiness and more importantly peace of mind to my life. I think that's what it is. You go about your life, your day, your trials and your blessings - but there is this nagging feeling that you can't place your finger on. Then when you get with someone who is for and about you - there is this restful feeling that washes over you. I go to bed at night and I'm at peace, I sleep good and hard. It's a great feeling.

I was contemplating, like a fool, the possibility that noone would want to hear about happiness, joy, peace. I mean we are a community of crabs and if it ain't on the verge of disaster - we sometimes ain't trying to hear it. My life is frankly boring right about now - which was one of the reasons I haven't been doing alot of writing. However, it makes such good balance in the world. Truth be told, most of the people I know are drama free as well. Now of course you can't be totally drama free as long as you interact with other people, but you can clear your own plate so that you have plenty of room for others bullshit. That's how me and my friends roll.

Tomorrow - I think I'll talk about friendships and the evolution of.

Baby I'm Back!

Brushing away the cobwebs




CAUN and STORMEKA


So as I sit here in my new wig - I thought - I should start back writing my blog. Even if it's just random thoughts - I got such a clearing of the head by using this vehicle. So here I am!

As you can see CAUN and I are so on and poppin! Wedding plans are coming along. I have the entire thing laid out and now it's time to start spending some MONEY - which of course is the hard part, lol.

I've picked dresses, paid on the location, planned out invitations, guest list almost done, wedding binder complete, favors narrowed down, gifts for wedding party decided. I mean it's all good!

I wanted to add my own personal touch to this Vegas wedding and decided that the music would make this be our thing. Soo I went on the hunt and found this!
Yep I will be coming down the aisle to Michael Jackson. I've been listening to kidna get what is sticking out to me, because I do want it to be gentle. I love Billie Jean it's so strong - YET I'm choosing something that reflects the level of fan I am - so it will be pre- off the wall. I can't wait for ya'll to experience it on the webcast.


The house is coming along fine - finished up Mini-me's room and bathroom as well as the half bath.
About to have a housewarming/engagement party in a couple of weeks. We have settled into our space so well and it's just been a really natural fit. We haven't had any issues with steppin on toes or anything. We've developed a pretty good routine as well. I've had to grow and mature and rethink and recategorize some things I've learned and some things I've practiced so that my homelife is good. I enjoy coming home and so does CAUN and Mini-me. My home is so full of joy - the vibe in there is incredible. I can't wait for others to feel it.!

I am in a place where calmness reigns. Sometimes I want to shake it up because it does get boring in that arena, lol CAUN and I (if it's at all possible) even more in love. I mean we are just THERE! We spend so much time laughing and playing around and just being together. Now CAUN is all up under me sometimes, and I laugh at once being in a place where I really didn't want folks all up under me and believe you me that still exists - but he definately is the exception. There are things that I have definately become spoiled on - I enjoy the fact that he takes care of me. He shares, He's cognizant of my needs and let me tell ya'll this man LOVES ME! That's almost an odd damn feeling, which is a shame in itself, but the confirmation that love is in your sphere is a powerful and wonderful thing.

Mini-me is doing fine. On the cusp of being 13 and about to run me crazy. She had a follow up surgery and the news was that her cheerleading career was over. She has permanent damage! I am helping her mourn and not giving up on what she will be able to do in that arena. We wanted to do dance team, but it's too early. She's in physical therapy twice a week for 2 hours a visit. Her spirits go up and down based on what's going on. She'll be alright - I am looking to get her into some acting camps/classes. I think she would enjoy that as well.

School is school. I'm doing what I'm doing. Running a 3.10 gpa, but I want more of a cushion - so I have to knock it out in this class. I switched up some things because I was bored - so I'm taking a couple of courses that I needed for the core and not just focusing on my 'degree' classes.

So that's about it on my end - I am Bride Central right about now and quite enjoying the title, lol I joined a bridal group and it has replaced 'High School' as my focal point - but after yawning through alot of the field trip - my purpose over there has been slightly altered - maybe I'm moving to another place - the entire scope of the internet has kinda changed for me - it certainly is not as important - it went from being my man to being my Ex in a manner of speaking - we speak, but it's not my main gig.

Speaking of.....I'm happy to report that Mo Betta is dating and relating and doing well in his life. I'm inviting him to the wedding...how's that for breaking down barriers?