Ooo My Aching Body!

Ok, so of course as a negro - I had to make sure the following things were on an poppin up in this new place (1) the TV's - all of them (2) the stereo and (3) the computer. LOL! We are moved in! Thank Allah! CAUN morphed into his Xmen persona MAGNEGRO and moved us by himself. Yep! Just me and him. This whole Love thang got me doing CRAZY stuff - let me tell you! We moved completely on Friday - got some odds and ends on Saturday and went yesterday to clean the old place and set things up for the Salvation Army to come get the donation.

I've unpacked and set up the Living Room and Kitchen. Today I'll tackle the Master Bedroom and lasty tomorrow I'll arrange Mini-Me's room. She touches down tomorrow and has that room waiting on her. We packed it for her - but um "S-Diddy" you ain't that fabulous, lol

So I'm sore but happy and right this second damn near delusional, because I can't cut my mind off and will just hop up and unload a box, lol lol

I'll be back - with my 'feelings' about this move and the future and all that jazz - but here are some pictures! I know, my whole life is either written about or on a 4x6, lol

DUE TO THE BLOGGER ACTING AN ASS I'LL BE BACK WTIH PICTURES.

Don't Push Me Cause I'm Close to the Edge

Alrightyy currently as of today I have the following on my plate:

• Move - this friday


• School - Started back today


• Work - new boss leaving :(


• 'Janet' having this baby - I'm concerned and checking on her


• Mini-me traveling - want to make sure that's going well


• 'High School' Field Trip - Yep I'm headed to Orlando


• First Day of School - my baby wil be in the 7th


• Brother-in-law want's Mini-me in his NY Wedding on December 23rd


• Thanksgiving is right around the corner


• Normal Financial woes


• Car needs tires and brakes


• CAUN's car is on life support

OH AND.....

I'S A GETTING MARRIED TOO!!

- Yep it's official CAUN and I are tying the knot! I haven't spoken about it, but I'm about to bust wide open :) - all of my original readers - can you all believe this journey we've taken and where it's ended up for a sista?! I am SOOO BLESSSEDD and SOOO HAPPY and if ya'll would just bear with me - because believe it or not - I do want to keep the blog going - just alot going on. Man so the last one ended with me finding my love and this one will end with WEDDING HIGHLIGHTS! GET OUT OF HERE! GIGGLE GIGGLE GIGGLE

It's A Family Affair - Pt 2

Being held hostage by gas prices is just not cool!! Can't do anything this weekend because it's gonna cost to much in gas!! Arghhhhh! Well we do have to pack because a week from today - we will be moving into the NEW HOUSE. We are excited.

Mini-me is doing fine - Saturday she flies from Houston to Philadelphia. I've just decided she's Diddy and and Farnsworth Bentley becuase she will touch down back in the ATL on August 1st only to be here until the 7th when she flies out to Orlando for a week with her Paternal Uncle, His financee and son. She's gonna drop in - see her new room, get me to wash and do her hair and then she's off. Hating on a 12 year old is janky ain't it, lol lol

Well Part 2 of the Family Series....

Big Love

My father had three wives (after he and my mom divorced) and we had a whole block in philly of connected rowhouses that he went between being the man of the house. There was a central location where we ate etc.

It's not as freaky or anything as one might think and it taxed him - he had a major heart attack and died with a baby on the way by his youngest wife.

It also was not necessarily of a religious proclivity becuase unlike Orthodox Islam, NOI does not condone multiple marriages.

He also stressed, yelled and instilled in his girls that he did NOT want us engaging in such activity.

My pops was ALOT of man who had TOP NOTCH game and it worked while it worked for him.

At his death - the women decided to stay in the homes until the youngest (who was not born) graduated high school. During these last 18 years they have moved on - have men and are living their lives but they live next door to each other. My Brother graduated June last year and they all have went their ways - two of them still live together just in another house.

What do I call them? I have my mother and then I have a step mother (his first wife of the trio) and then I have two aunts.

Being the 'child of'. I can't really tell you from a first person pespective what my father saw as the pros and cons. However here are a few observations as to how it was broken down.

Each woman played a specific role. He had the one who stayed home and raised the kids, she was docile and just motherly. He had one who was the 'show piece'. My daddy owned his own jewelry business and traveled quite a bit - she could dress, talk, was corporate etc. etc. and ran the business with him and then he had a 'worker bee' - she never really needed much and worked consistently in the factory. Some of the women came with kids and he took them in as well. I have all together 12 brothers and sisters from these relationships.

It started out as living in duplexes on a block. We always lived nearby because my daddy wasn't to good on the financial end of support - so whereever he moved, my mom would move within walking distance so he could be in our lives and take care of us in other ways. She wasn't playing, lol. I would come home from school and be at the wrong house, lol cause we moved, lol

My daddy had his own bedroom and I don't have any memory of me walking in and like all of them be in there together YUCK. Nah, he usually was in there by his self cause he was damn tired, lol We would all pile up so he could spend time with us. I will say towards the end of his life (he was 54 when he passed) he spent more time with us than...them, lol.

We grew up here in Atlanta and you would think the 'difference' would be pronounced and kids would give us a HARD ass time. NOPE! I have NO MEMORY of ever being teased or asked about our 'situation'. Kids thought it was cool as hell and that I just had alot of moms. Besides - I had my own home and what not - I didn't move in with my Daddy till after HS fulltime. Later on in life (at my various reunions) I asked about that and folks were like REALLY - damn didn't really realize it. You all were alot of fun and your Daddy was everybody Daddies we were just glad to have one. So I didn't really grow up 'separate' like that because of my family situation.

Here are a few more observations as the adult of this looking at my family:

My Brothers have CONTEMPT for women like I have never seen. They basically hate them and only see them as vessels for children and bitches and hoes. I think this is directly correlated to the way we grew up and their perception that these women were WEAK and since it was their own mothers - they got MAD ISSUES with relationships.

We have no ideology and structure about traditional marriage. It doesn't mean what it might mean to someone else. Weddings etc. are not something that we are used to. If you make an announcement that you are with someone and ya'll been together six months - well that's it,lol.

We are not close. The ties that bind is dead - for all his work - he forced us together and as adults - we have drifted apart for the most part. All kinds of lineage secrets and what not each of us have had to deal with. there are kids in between me and my two direct siblings - which tells a story about him and my moms marriage but my story isn't nearly as bad - I lived a pretty consistent life.

Outside family is almost non-existent. We lived in a bubble. No cousins, no aunts etc. etc. Everyone gave up the rest of their family for this family.

We all have 'issues' about the way it was presented to us. See there is four of us that this impacted the most - the golden four - us that were there and saw him take on the women etc. etc. Which is why I have modified my child rearing to INCLUDE my child as a person capable of thought. Not capable of really affecting decision, but I let her get if off her chest - because it was a very confusing time for my Brothers and Sisters (since he didn't bring no new women to my mom - it wasn't as confusing for us). it's important to teach them to have a voice - I've lived the last 20+ years developing my voice....

However, I wouldn't trade my colorful childhood for anything on this planet. I love my daddy and he is who shaped what a man should be for me and he was the BEST MAN - I've ever known - so it's all good.

I'm close with my step mom and aunts and I can go to either of them if I need something - they were instrumental in raising me as well and they are quite to what my brothers think VERY STRONG, INTELLIGENT, FOCUSED women.

Sometimes I want to find other non-morman black children of polygomy and talk with them - do a documentary and see what their experiences are - it probably would be quite interesting.

Maybe at another time I'll expound on how it has affected my inter-personal relationships with men.

The Happiness Factor

After I blogged last evening, I got to thinking. I have been struggling with exactly what to blog about. I am a personal blogger and I didn't want to change my format - but I was finding it hard to really find topics. When I was blogging "Emancipation" - because it was a 'journey' and it was fraught with 'issues' it was so easy to write and I was in a very brillant place. Flip side of that is that the happiness is about as boring as one can be and I am bereft of words, lol. Happiness is definite and there are only so many ways to describe it and even talk about it - because Happiness for you might evoke envy and jealously or a range of other 'emotions' from someone else - therefore we temper our happiness. However Pain/Sorrow/Drama/Issues is multi-faceted ever evolving and has pages and pages of text ascribed to it. I just found it soo funny (and sad)the limitations of happiness - especially when the limitations are more for the 'other' person than for yourself.

It's A Family Affair

I have found that blogging allows me to 'see' from a different angle than when I journal. I wanted to do some 'repair' work on a particular topic and so I've chosen this week to do a five part series on something I don't talk about alot if at all on the blog - the family. It's going to be rambling, it's going to be full of holes and sometimes only make sense to me, but bear with a Sista while I try to make some progress on a rather touchy and very personal subject...

The Brady Bunch Were Perfect

I started making up imaginary families when I was around seven. I remember vividly that I wanted more Brothers than Sisters - I can't remember their names, but I found great solace in the fact that they were very much like the Brady Bunch.

However, that was only a dream. I lived a real live life and it was NOT the Brady Bunch and it would never be. Be careful what you wish for, lol I got all those Brothers and a heap of damn Sisters as well. There are twelve of us in all, with me being the oldest girl and I have two additional sisters from my biological father.

Like alot of kids, I come from dysfunction coupled with a different family life - WAYY different. Because of this I have always looked at and longed for...a regular family. That feeling is the crux of alot of family issues I have today. I just wanted to be like the neighbors and still do. Can we just have Thanksgiving together, be a close knit family, can I know my nieces and nephews, can we have engagements, weddings, bbq's? Can we visit each other and be happy? Can it not 'cost' something to be together? Can we have sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws? Can we gather and not have guilt attached to it? Out of all these kids and parents (there's plenty of those too) - we have, as far as I'm concerned, no cohesiveness - no family bonding and quite frankly, I can do without the whole lot of them and THAT's a scary thing to feel.

I hang on to family ties because that's what you are supposed to do, but it's not something that in my heart I feel that I need. I think that you can 'create' family (like mine was created actually) and surround yourself with the positive and necessary energy that you need.

My solo envy and jealousy issue surrounds folks who do everyday ordinary family things. The friend who can take her kids to her sisters and they can stay and it doesn't cost and it doesn't require her to keep her sisters kids. The friend who can have a shower and her mom can come and be around her daughters peers and be casual and be herself. The daughter who says that her mom is her best friend........

I struggle alot with wanting to just break off and leave my family alone and it would be completely possible if not for...MINI-ME. I can't have her suffer because of my issues. She deserves famiy ties and I place all my energy concerning that to her and making sure she had the bonds - however dysfunctional as well, with family. All kids have a list of stuff they compile to charge their families with, but that won't be one of them. I have spent thousands of dollars facilitating her 'family connection'. It offers me a bit of peace - but not much.

I don't really know how to resolve my feelings about my family because the monster has many tenacles of issues.

Sometimes, I'm almost convinced that I've imagined it all. I say this because one side of the coin has this great childhood and actually I did have one. I had no real drama, no physcial violence, no drug abuse, no remnants of being a child of divorce, none of that stuff - so why am I even complaining? Because regardless to how it rates on the 'I should feel blessed scale' the issues are REAL to me. They have cause me anxiety attacks and to go into therapy at one point and time. They have caused my friends hours and hours of their lives while I try to verbalize the stress.

If the rule is to walk away from things that cause you stress and/or pain and I've taken an entire year to get to the point of the blessings I am receving now - why is it mandatory that you stick it out with your family?

Arghhhh - it makes my head hurt.....

Here is a picture of "Janet" and I at the shower this weekend. Now all that needs to happen is that he comes on out, lol

DAYUM It's Hot Already!

Summer in Georgia. Wake up and feel the crushing humidity of the day! I hate it! I wish there were a shower connected to my bed. The only good thing is that I have been hearing that our fruit crops are coming in extra sweet. I need to go pick me up a watermelon fo sho!

What's up people? I think I'm beginning to catch my stride over here. How about every three days? I think I can do that. Allow some stuff to build up.

This peaceful morning is the beginning of a busy day actually. I have "Janets" shower part two coming up. I need to make the chicken salad and wrap my gift and gather everything I have to bring. I have been soo sluggish, I really haven't put into this what I probably could, but I'll come through with my end of the bargain. Once it got disorganized, my train of thought wandered. Should be another great affair however.

Another 'relationship milestone' is currently underway. Folks say argue and it will show you what you dealing with NOPE - I say let a man get....SICK! CAUN is under the weather and has been since Friday evening. He's basically shut down his systems and slept for most of the time. He's asleep on the couch now. He banned himself from the bedroom and basically from anything close to me other than some comfort hugs and head rubs (He likes me scratching his scalp). He's not too bad - just going inside himself to heal. I haven't hoovered or anything either. He's a grown man and I'm sure he knows what to do to get better. I've missed his jovialness however and his clock is off. He was up all night because he slept all day. I did tell him he's had the last of meds with a drowsiness factor.

Now the funny and shocking thing has been...I can't find shit to do! What in the world?! I've always had activities etc. to occupy myself and suddenly after hooking up with CAUN - I don't know what to do with myself AND I had a hard time sleeping last evening! Ya'll need to splash cold water on me!

While I was out at the store yesterday - sitting in the chinese restaurant waiting on my beef and broccoli w/$1.00 extra broccoli - this sista approaches me to ask where I got my toenails done. I told her and then she sparks up a conversation about how her stomach hurts. I offer the 'sympathy yet leave me alone' smile and then she goes "Well I know why - he was really dogging it" UM HELLO! DAYUM!! AW HELL! then she begins to tell me all about how she USED to be able to place her feet behind her head but apparently her weight gain messed that up and that he was 24 she's 29 and her husband is 65 and can't really ride it like he used to (meanwhile I feel my brain go into multiple personality mode as the one who can deal with that visual appears up front to save my sanity). I offered up health tips and condom ads and other God stop talking to me words of wisdom, while I looked back in the kitchen sadly. Finally she called my order and I leapt up grabbed it waved and jetted. I must work on my 'you look like a good person to talk to' stance - CAUSE I AM NOT!!

Mini-me should be packing and preparing to head from Houston to Philly in the next couple of days. There she will stay with moms until August 1st. I've already purchased her ticket home. I miss her. It became evident last evening - I take pride in her being so independent and being able to experience these types of things but in my growth I've become closer to her and so I miss her. She won't be 'little' but for so much longer......

Ha! the blog has taken on a whole Journal feel to it. Interesting. Ya'll might really get into some of my business if it travels on this path.

We have two weeks to finish packing and one box - that should be on the CRCT test, lol lol Gotta step up this plan for real.

Well let me go take a nice cool shower, put a rag on CAUN's forehead and get up to my elbows in Chicken Salad. Hopefully I'll get some pictures this time and can post some from the Shower.

The Proverbial "Other Shoe"

I came in the house and the turkey was on the stove and he was standing in front of the sink doing dishes. Sweat had gathered on his forehead because he's a stickler for conserving money so he hadn't cut the air on. He leaned in with his customary "Hey Baby" and gave me a hot, sweaty, middle of July kiss and my heart went into a full smile as I kissed him and wrapped my arms around him. At the same time, I had a thought - that was spurred by this scene and a current topic in a popular "HS" Class....do we go into relationships waiting and hoping the 'proverbial other shoe drops'? Do those of us who have been bereft of love fail to see the 'bad side' and exactly why is it necessary to have such a terrible 'bad side' to a relationship? All questions that beg many pages of blogs, lol Yet I won't even bore you all with my extended thoughts, but just give you the abbreviated/edited ones I submitted as my daily paper there.

To Me and My life experience - I have been diligently working on self - it has not been just conversation because everyone else says it - hell an entire year of my process is documented for the world to see on my Emancipation Blog and it's been real and it's been scary and it's been the most beautiful journey I've ever taken in my life. I feel like a butterfly. I really got into the reality from the fantasy and what it was that I needed to make me feel and to allow me to love. What was it that I personally was whining about being absent in my life and IF I WERE TO GET IT would I be ready?

By keeping my eyes open and working HARD to not block the blessing and not JUDGE the blessing - I actually began on a path and there were new people on it - ideas that were more in line with mine - less drama and alot more peace.

I NEVER GAVE UP and I was realistic about the fact that alot of folks say they don't 'need' a man but I can admit that I wanted one BAD. I find that FOR ME - it is a major missing piece of my inner happiness. Now sure this came from the way I was raised in part but it also came from who I am.

And then here comes this man - he was twirling and working on himself as well and we just twirled into one another, lol.

Never in my adult life have I been convinced that a man really loves me - hell they've loved my food, they've loved my naiveness and they've loved my doggy style but have they loved ME. Well this man is the one who loves me.

ANYONE who looks at us and the way he treats me and my child - have no argument with that one. I have not had ANY opposition to the pace that this relationship is going or the way it's playing out and my friends are quite protective, lol.

This man has totally redefined 'be careful what you wish for' - we mesh on an intellectual, social, sexual and spiritual level - though we are not of the same faith. He's come into my life and taken a seat at the head of the table and EARNS the big piece of chicken daily.

He's a hard worker, he's kind, he's gentle, he takes care of his babies, he loves his momma, he's a giver, he understands that we all got problems. He supports me - we argue effectively and He has come into my babies life and she ain't never had no father that she remembers and embraced her - garnered her trust and SHE is also glowing - she called the other night and asked to speak to him about some game or something.

I had most of my shit together in a manner of speaking but he's a definite come up and he's unafraid to let the entire world know that he loves Pamela.

So the test came and I could either - sit around an analyze and over analyze and talk myself out of the blessing - becuase my heart was wide open and God did get to the P's and he had a doozey for a sista and I TOOK IT.

I'm no longer a child and each of my relationships have carved out a puzzle piece of what I like and don't like about men and about myself in relation to men - it is no longer rocket science...or a game of chance per say.

And I say all of that to say that sure he has some faults, as do I, but as long as they do not upset the entire apple cart - they will remain between he and I and actually a part of what makes our relationship special. As OPEN as I am, I actually talk TOO much - if it were something major, I would have alluded to it here. I certainly know that writing it on the bathroom wall in "HS" will only result in the continuation of the crabs in a basket phenon that thrives there.

I was asked "Is He Perfect" and I'll answer here like I answered there "for Me He Is"

I might be naive or whatever but I know of so many closets with piles of 'the other shoe' that I choose not to live waiting on that - I can always go try on those and see if any fit - we spend so much time 'waiting' 'anticipating' the wrong things. Not I said the happy one. I want to laugh, sing, giggle, gush and fill my soul up with this happiness - so it behooves me to not sit around trying to over analyze whether or not the fact he tosses his funky ass socks in little piles all over the place will cause a rift in our relationship. FEBREZE THEM MOFO'S and go on with our lives, lol lol

AND THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER 'WHY I LOVE CAUN AND CAN'T WAIT TO BECOME......HIS WIFE'

Conversing Wit Cha

I know, I know - I finally start the blog and lose my audience anyway cause I don't write as much as I used to. It's funny how 'freedom' really does free you from alot of things including over-analyzing shit, lol lol

Things are fine in my spot on the planet. Mini-me left on the 4th - CAUN and I living it up to the point, where I should feel guilty. Here are some things we've done:

• Seen Superman at the drive-in (we actually did this with Mini-me)


• Got rained out at the fireworks


• Saw Pirates of the Carribean


• Saw Waist Deep and some crazy movie about someone plucking out eyeballs at the drivein


• Went to Discovery Mills Mall


• Eaten at Chili's twice, Piri Piri once


• Went to a Dave and Busters Type Joint and played games (got my ass whipped in of all things Galaga, lol)

We have not come up for air (wicked wicked laugh).

I also went to "Janet's" shower - Part One on this past Sunday. Talk about a beautiful affair. Lord have mercy! I love these type of affairs and I certainly put some of their ideas in my mental rolodex for sure! It is so wonderful to be loved - we are having one more for her this coming Sunday. Now out of all the catered fare that was at the shower - the most popular and fought over dish - my curry chicken salad! That damn salad has definately become a curse, lol I can't do anything else. I'm making a tub full for this second shower as well and now the folks at the job are mad because I didn't bring any in. Now what's funny is that I made it for my family and they were not to keen on it - but apparently it's crack in my social circle, lol

CAUN has started back school - so now everyone in our home is in school. That should be fun, lol I start back on the 25th of July and I am looking forward to it - now the fact I move like three days after that is of no consequence to me, lol My life has been in the fast lane for months now.

I FINALLY packed a box (hooray for me) - I actually got up at 5:30 this morning and packed several boxes. It was quiet and peaceful and I could just get some stuff packed away. It now looks like we are moving - which is good. The biggest jobs will be the kitchen, my room and mini-me's room. The kitchen I guess won't be soo bad because I am going to liquidate alot of stuff.

Oh and finally, I decided to take inventory of all my daughters electronics because I just needed to see exactly what she has...

• 1 32 inch TV


• 1 Playstation 2


• 1 DVD player


• 1 portable DVD player


• 1 Gameboy advance


• 1 portable CD player


• 1 boom box


• 1 Karoke Machine


• 1 Disney Mix Stick


• 1 Sony PSP


• 1 traditional tape recorder


• Access to the home computer


• Access to the home digital camcorder (we have two)


• Access to the home digital camera


• Cell Phone

What in Sam Hell?! I didn't buy most of this stuff but this child got all this stuff! The only child thing is crazy - and she certainly after I took inventory, had to acknowledge and let me know that she is blessed and that she KNOWS she has alot of responsibility to those that love her to continue to do well in school and be someone that we can be proud of.

How much stuff does your child currently have. For the little ones - count those things like V-techs etc. etc.

We Moving On Up!

Well Well it's Friday and I thought I'd leave ya'll with a bombshell ! When Mini-me comes back she'll be sleeping HERE:




Yep our crew is moving into a bigger house. We now will have three bedrooms, 2.5 Bathrooms, a garage, a fireplace and upstairs and downstairs with master on main. She's seen it and loves it and so at the end of this month we will be packing and moving.

I've been in the "Doll House" for a little over seven years. It's been a good seven years. Mini-me has grown up in this house and it's special. Now the fact that I got seven years of crap crammed up in that house is ANOTHER story but you know what - it's time to purge, it's time to pack up/box up/give away etc. things that i don't need or reminders not necessary to remember my past. I see a whole new world ahead of me and moving into this house is just what the Dr. Ordered.

Ya'll take care, be safe and I'll check in this weekend. I wanna talk about where the hell have the white collar brothers gone.........

Hey Look At Us!

A visual blog because I am bereft of words right now, lol I need to get deep and get deep quick or I may have lost my audience foreva! But until then...check us out!
You KNOW we love taking pictures,lol


I don't wish combing this on anyone!



We made it to the airport! - did I tell ya'll Mini-me left on Tuesday for Houston and then to Philadelphia, she'll be back end of July - yea use your imagination as to why I won't be checking in daily, lol



Of course we had to get to cheesing, lol


I'll call this: getting soaking wet at the park & all that shit in my braids getting in my eyes making me look like I had a fight w/Mike Tyson!

There you have it! Talk to yah tomorrow

It Ain't Even the Forth Yet!

Fireworks been going off up in this piece and the forth is tomorrow. We've just been having a good time! I've been off since Thursday and have been enjoying every second of it and the fact I don't go back till Wednesday - is great!!

Up, Up and Away! Went Old School and went to the Drive In to see it on Saturday. Now that was fun!

I think that ole boy did a good job - because like probably others I came ready to rail on him in light of Superman only being Christopher Reeves to me.

It was hella slow in parts and offered up some great jokes that had the two cars on either side of us cracking up. So I enjoyed it.

I thought that the advancement in technology concerning his flying was beautiful. It was almost like a ballet. His cape rippling in the wind and the way he was levitated all the time.

I'm not a comic book collector and/or reader - so i'm not sure and don't care how close to his 'story' the movie was. I won't say anything about the MAIN bomb dropped in that movie as to not give it away to anyone else.

The scenes where he had to be 'Superman' were cool - the Clark Kent scenes were tedious. Lois Lane is ALWAYS such an ass and Lex Luther was perfect. kevin Spacey was the man for that role - not to old either.

I don't know, however, if I really want my superheroes with so many 'human' flaws. I like my super heroes to be wayyyy beyond what we got going on. In the Prequel to Batman they gave him all this 'human tendacy' and 'life' and though good - i don't wanna relate with my super heroes, lol lol

All in all I give it a B, because the cinematography was beautiful and dude didn't make me hiss he wasn't Christopher Reeves.

Guess who showed up to visit. ATLNEWBIAN (this young sista I met through the previous blog and we became fast friends - I have imparted alot of my wisdom to her - she moved to the Carolinas to try to do better for herself and it's working and I'm happy for her). Her and the little one were in town and of course Mini-me and I went up to see her. We did a couple of things and just enjoyed seeing each other. I'm still a bit 'mad' that she didn't have the support she needed to make it here - but the move was good and it was good seeing her - with her eyebrows all arched, lol lol

CAUN has also been off and our sugary sweet love story continues. We've been hanging out and vibing on so many levels, I really sometimes wanna pinch myself. Over and over and over I fall in love with this man as multiple la petite morts have left me spent and dazed - I look in the mirror and I see myself tanned, glowing, happy and I can do nothing but smile. I was thinking about how we've been so conditioned for shit to go to the left - that it's really hard to just say, "ok, why don't I just live in the moment and not anticipate bs" tsk tsk tsk.

Not to say we don't have our share. It amazes me the capacity of some black women to decide that hell is better than peace. That being vindictive and hurtful is better than accepting the truth. To spend so much energy trying to destroy someone else just so you can have the satisfaction of saying you did, is bizarre at best. Envy, Jealousy and Regret are powerful emotions. I'm just going to continue to be who I am and conduct myself as the civilized one - Honey all he did was finally place a clean glass next - to - a - dirty - one..

I've actually not been feeling well this evening - but I just had to come and write. My blog is getting off to a slow start but that's okay - it's here and that's what matters. I've also started back writing in my written journal. There are some things happening that I needed to start relaying to myself. You all will find out soon enough (smile).

To top my day off - Momma CAUN sent me a gift. A handbag that she herself made. Now you talking about special!! Tomorrow I need to take some pictures so I can show ya'll....

We're parading and Centinnal Fireworks Parking tomorrow - so that should be fun. We tried to make it a party of five - but as I said - we do have our BS, so it will be the three of us - I'll check in tomorrow with the details!

CAUN wants to cuddle so let me go :)